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Learning How to Co-Parent

It’s easy to do.  You get a text message from your ex-spouse about not wanting to give up “their time” with the children you share to accommodate for a scheduling issue that you’ve run into. So you fire back a snarky text that sets off World War 3.

And then your son approaches you with: “I saw the texts you sent.”

It’s hard to remember that “parenting” is the main portion of “co-parenting” because it’s so easy to get caught up in the “co” portion.

Divorce

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us. We become the 14 year old girl or boy obsessing about every little thing. This can be especially true if there is any residual hurt due to a person leaving, or cheating, or falling out of love. Yes, it hurts, and it sucks, but whatever the reason for your divorce, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions.

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

co-parenting-rights-1

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

wistful

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Visitation Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce

Brad Pitt Cleared After Abuse Investigation

Now that Brad Pitt has been cleared of any wrongdoing following an investigation into a possible child abuse incident, what will this mean for the Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt child custody agreement?

Brad Pitt Cleared After Abuse Investigation

The Los Angeles County Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) has cleared Brad Pitt following an investigation of an alleged incident of abuse involving Pitt and one of his children. The accusation and launch of the investigation happened just one day before Jolie filed for divorce.
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According to court documents, Jolie is seeking sole physical custody of the couple’s six children — Maddox, 15; Pax, 12; Zahara, 11; Shiloh, 10; and twins Knox and Vivienne, 8. But last week, Pitt filed his response to her divorce filing and requested joint custody of their children.

As part of their current agreement, Jolie has custody, while Pitt is allowed “therapeutic visits.

Forms of Child Custody

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parent has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually, if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Preparing for Your Child Custody Case Hearing

One you have filed your petition to be granted sole child custody you will receive a date for either a mediation session or a court hearing. You’ll want to be prepared going into this meeting. Here are some steps to prepare.

Work with Your Family Law Attorney

Your family law attorney will help you prepare for the mediation or court hearing. If you have been working with a family law attorney up to this point, chances are you have already built your case for why the other parent is unfit to raise the child or children you share. If you have not been working with a family law attorney, you will need to gather evidence of this on your own. We’ll discuss this more in depth further below.

Serve the Other Parent

After the petition has been filed, you’ll need to let the other parent know that you have done so and that you are requesting that a change be made to the current custody agreement. You can either work with your family law attorney to have the notification served, or work with a service company or the courthouse to have this done.  Once the notification is served, the person who served the papers will need to provide you with proof that the other parent has been made aware. This is called “Proof of Service.” You’ll need to provide this to the court.

Preparing Evidence

law generic

Family law courts prefer to award joint custody to both parents. Because of this, you will need to prove that the other parent is unfit and unable to handle custody of your child. This may be proven a number of ways. Here are a few examples:

  • A history of abuse or neglect. Are there any police reports that have been filed against the other parent? Are there other pieces of evidence? Are there witnesses that can corroborate your story?
  • Lifestyle. Does the other parent have a job? Is it a steady job that can ensure the other parent is able to financially take care of the child? Where does the other parent live? Is it a safe environment?
  • Emotional and physical health. Is the other parent physically and mentally able to care for the child?

Once you have prepared all your evidence, either on your own or with the help of a family law attorney, you will be ready for the mediation or court hearing. If during the mediation session you are unable to come to an agreement, then the case will need to go before a judge. Hopefully, either through mediation or the court hearing, you will then be granted with sole child custody.

It should be noted that if a parent strongly disagrees with how the court has decided on the custody case, there is always an option to appeal.

Appealing Child Custody Decisions

Child custody cases are difficult due to the nature of the subject. A family law court will always rule in the best interest of the child. It’s important to note that an appeals court will not review a case just because one party disagrees with what the judge decided. If you feel your child custody agreement was arrived at because the court made a substantive error (either procedural or legal) you are able to appeal the court’s decision. Here’s how to appeal a child custody ruling.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

Working with a family law attorney will help you prove your case. In the case of appealing an already decided agreement, the family law attorney will need to prove that the previous decision was arrived at inaccurately due to a legal error or a procedural error.

Rules of Your Jurisdiction

Every state has different rules that given child custody cases and appeals. A family law attorney will be familiar with the rules of your specific jurisdiction and will be able to help guide you through the process. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you will need to research the rules on your own. These jurisdiction rules govern what your timeline is for filing an appeal to your child custody case, as well as exact guidelines for what should be contained in the petition to appeal. You can find these rules online or at your local courthouse.

Prepare an Appellate Petition

Next, you will need to prepare an appellate petition. This petition outlines why you are appealing the current child custody decision, as well as lists the errors that the lower court made when deciding on your child custody decision. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you might want to have the petition you fill out reviewed by one, just to ensure it has been done correctly. Next, you will file this petition with the court, as well as have a notification of the filing served to your opposing party.

Review of Appellate Petition

The court will then review the appellate petition and decide whether or not to hear your child custody appeal. If the court decides to hear your case, you will need to prepare a brief that explains your reasons for appealing the initial child custody agreement. This brief should include the lower court’s rules, case law, and all the facts that were presented in the initial custody hearing. A judge will review this and offer a final decision.

When parents live in different locations, either different states, countries, or even towns, the issue of child custody can become very difficult. It’s not uncommon for parents to request move away court orders.

Working with A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to child custody decisions, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered, namely the best interests of the child, but also what type of custody you are hoping to acheive. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Visitation Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Paternity

Brad Pitt Finally Sees Children

Last week Brad Pitt saw his children for the first time since it was announced that he and estranged wife Angelina Jolie were divorcing. During the visit, a monitor was present, however, not all of the children were.

Brad Pitt Finally Sees Children

Following the announcement of the super couple’s divorce, just two years and one month after their marriage, it was revealed that Jolie would be seeking physical custody with visitation and legal custody rights for Pitt.

Shortly after the announcement, Jolie and Pitt came to a temporary custody agreement which granted Jolie temporary sole custody of the couple’s six kids while Pitt received visitation rights. Additionally, both parents agreed to participate in individual counseling and that Pitt’s initial visit with his children would be with a therapist. At that time nothing had been mandated for supervision or monitoring.

It was also revealed that a therapist would be present for all visits with Pitt until October 20. Pitt also volunteered to complete drug and alcohol testing but it is not legally required.

Brangelina Divorce

Jolie filed for divorce from Pitt on Sept. 19. Shortly after allegations arose of an altercation between Pitt and eldest son, Maddox.

Despite the fact that Jolie currently has temporary sole custody, it’s been reported that she does not wish for that to be a permanent agreement and has hopes that the couple will be able to co-parent in the future.

“He really wants to see the kids and to work out an arrangement that is best for them,” an insider close to Pitt revealed. “[He] wants to work things out privately and amicably.”

Forms of Child Custody

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

42028258_s

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parent has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually, if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Preparing for Your Child Custody Case Hearing

One you have filed your petition to be granted sole child custody you will receive a date for either a mediation session or a court hearing. You’ll want to be prepared going into this meeting. Here are some steps to prepare.

Work with Your Family Law Attorney

Your family law attorney will help you prepare for the mediation or court hearing. If you have been working with a family law attorney up to this point, chances are you have already built your case for why the other parent is unfit to raise the child or children you share. If you have not been working with a family law attorney, you will need to gather evidence of this on your own. We’ll discuss this more in depth further below.

Serve the Other Parent

After the petition has been filed, you’ll need to let the other parent know that you have done so and that you are requesting that a change be made to the current custody agreement. You can either work with your family law attorney to have the notification served, or work with a service company or the courthouse to have this done.  Once the notification is served, the person who served the papers will need to provide you with proof that the other parent has been made aware. This is called “Proof of Service.” You’ll need to provide this to the court.

Preparing Evidence

law generic

Family law courts prefer to award joint custody to both parents. Because of this, you will need to prove that the other parent is unfit and unable to handle custody of your child. This may be proven a number of ways. Here are a few examples:

  • A history of abuse or neglect. Are there any police reports that have been filed against the other parent? Are there other pieces of evidence? Are there witnesses that can corroborate your story?
  • Lifestyle. Does the other parent have a job? Is it a steady job that can ensure the other parent is able to financially take care of the child? Where does the other parent live? Is it a safe environment?
  • Emotional and physical health. Is the other parent physically and mentally able to care for the child?

Once you have prepared all your evidence, either on your own or with the help of a family law attorney, you will be ready for the mediation or court hearing. If during the mediation session you are unable to come to an agreement, then the case will need to go before a judge. Hopefully, either through mediation or the court hearing, you will then be granted with sole child custody.

It should be noted that if a parent strongly disagrees with how the court has decided on the custody case, there is always an option to appeal.

Appealing Child Custody Decisions

Child custody cases are difficult due to the nature of the subject. A family law court will always rule in the best interest of the child. It’s important to note that an appeals court will not review a case just because one party disagrees with what the judge decided. If you feel your child custody agreement was arrived at because the court made a substantive error (either procedural or legal) you are able to appeal the court’s decision. Here’s how to appeal a child custody ruling.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

Working with a family law attorney will help you prove your case. In the case of appealing an already decided agreement, the family law attorney will need to prove that the previous decision was arrived at inaccurately due to a legal error or a procedural error.

Rules of Your Jurisdiction

Every state has different rules that given child custody cases and appeals. A family law attorney will be familiar with the rules of your specific jurisdiction and will be able to help guide you through the process. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you will need to research the rules on your own. These jurisdiction rules govern what your timeline is for filing an appeal to your child custody case, as well as exact guidelines for what should be contained in the petition to appeal. You can find these rules online or at your local courthouse.

Prepare an Appellate Petition

Next, you will need to prepare an appellate petition. This petition outlines why you are appealing the current child custody decision, as well as lists the errors that the lower court made when deciding on your child custody decision. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you might want to have the petition you fill out reviewed by one, just to ensure it has been done correctly. Next, you will file this petition with the court, as well as have a notification of the filing served to your opposing party.

Review of Appellate Petition

The court will then review the appellate petition and decide whether or not to hear your child custody appeal. If the court decides to hear your case, you will need to prepare a brief that explains your reasons for appealing the initial child custody agreement. This brief should include the lower court’s rules, case law, and all the facts that were presented in the initial custody hearing. A judge will review this and offer a final decision.

When parents live in different locations, either different states, countries, or even towns, the issue of child custody can become very difficult. It’s not uncommon for parents to request move away court orders.

Working with A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to child custody decisions, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered, namely the best interests of the child, but also what type of custody you are hoping to acheive. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce

What The Pitt-Jolie Divorce Might Mean For Their Children

According to court documents released this week, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s marriage is coming to an end. The couple listed their separation date as September 15, just two years and one month after they married in August 2014. Jolie is seeking physical custody with visitation and legal custody rights for Pitt. Below we discuss just what Pitt and Jolie might be facing as they determine their divorce agreement.

Forms of Child Custody

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

42028258_s

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parent has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually, if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Preparing for Your Child Custody Case Hearing

One you have filed your petition to be granted sole child custody you will receive a date for either a mediation session or a court hearing. You’ll want to be prepared going into this meeting. Here are some steps to prepare.

Work with Your Family Law Attorney

Your family law attorney will help you prepare for the mediation or court hearing. If you have been working with a family law attorney up to this point, chances are you have already built your case for why the other parent is unfit to raise the child or children you share. If you have not been working with a family law attorney, you will need to gather evidence of this on your own. We’ll discuss this more in depth further below.

Serve the Other Parent

After the petition has been filed, you’ll need to let the other parent know that you have done so and that you are requesting that a change be made to the current custody agreement. You can either work with your family law attorney to have the notification served, or work with a service company or the courthouse to have this done.  Once the notification is served, the person who served the papers will need to provide you with proof that the other parent has been made aware. This is called “Proof of Service.” You’ll need to provide this to the court.

Preparing Evidence

law generic

Family law courts prefer to award joint custody to both parents. Because of this, you will need to prove that the other parent is unfit and unable to handle custody of your child. This may be proven a number of ways. Here are a few examples:

  • A history of abuse or neglect. Are there any police reports that have been filed against the other parent? Are there other pieces of evidence? Are there witnesses that can corroborate your story?
  • Lifestyle. Does the other parent have a job? Is it a steady job that can ensure the other parent is able to financially take care of the child? Where does the other parent live? Is it a safe environment?
  • Emotional and physical health. Is the other parent physically and mentally able to care for the child?

Once you have prepared all your evidence, either on your own or with the help of a family law attorney, you will be ready for the mediation or court hearing. If during the mediation session you are unable to come to an agreement, then the case will need to go before a judge. Hopefully, either through mediation or the court hearing, you will then be granted with sole child custody.

It should be noted that if a parent strongly disagrees with how the court has decided on the custody case, there is always an option to appeal.

Appealing Child Custody Decisions

Child custody cases are difficult due to the nature of the subject. A family law court will always rule in the best interest of the child. It’s important to note that an appeals court will not review a case just because one party disagrees with what the judge decided. If you feel your child custody agreement was arrived at because the court made a substantive error (either procedural or legal) you are able to appeal the court’s decision. Here’s how to appeal a child custody ruling.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

Working with a family law attorney will help you prove your case. In the case of appealing an already decided agreement, the family law attorney will need to prove that the previous decision was arrived at inaccurately due to a legal error or a procedural error.

Rules of Your Jurisdiction

Every state has different rules that given child custody cases and appeals. A family law attorney will be familiar with the rules of your specific jurisdiction and will be able to help guide you through the process. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you will need to research the rules on your own. These jurisdiction rules govern what your timeline is for filing an appeal to your child custody case, as well as exact guidelines for what should be contained in the petition to appeal. You can find these rules online or at your local courthouse.

Prepare an Appellate Petition

Next, you will need to prepare an appellate petition. This petition outlines why you are appealing the current child custody decision, as well as lists the errors that the lower court made when deciding on your child custody decision. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you might want to have the petition you fill out reviewed by one, just to ensure it has been done correctly. Next, you will file this petition with the court, as well as have a notification of the filing served to your opposing party.

Review of Appellate Petition

The court will then review the appellate petition and decide whether or not to hear your child custody appeal. If the court decides to hear your case, you will need to prepare a brief that explains your reasons for appealing the initial child custody agreement. This brief should include the lower court’s rules, case law, and all the facts that were presented in the initial custody hearing. A judge will review this and offer a final decision.

When parents live in different locations, either different states, countries, or even towns, the issue of child custody can become very difficult. It’s not uncommon for parents to request move away court orders.

Move Away Court Orders

If you are facing a case such as this one, the first thing you need to identify is if you are able to move away and relocate your child. Most courts will not allow a parent to relocate the child unless he or she has received written consent from the other parent or a court.

During a question of relocating a child the court takes the “best interest of the child” into account, considering these factors:

  • Is the current child custody arrangement stable?
  • Where is the new location? How far away is it from the household of the remaining parent?
  • What will be the financial impact (for both parents)?
  • Age of the child
  • What is the current relationship between the parents and the child?
  • Are the parents able to co-parent?
  • What are the child’s wishes (this is often dependent on the child’s age)?
  • Does the child require special accommodations? If so, are these accommodations available in the new location?
  • Reason for the move
  • Any additional factors

Working with A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to child custody decisions, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered, namely the best interests of the child, but also what type of custody you are hoping to acheive. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law Paternity

Hartwell Suggests Paternity Test

Ed Hartwell and Keshia Knight Pulliam got married 7 months ago and just recently announced they are expecting a child together. Which is why it came as such a shock that Hartwell just filed for divorce, and now appears to be questioning the paternity of the child.

Hartwell Suggests Paternity Test

As Pulliam, 37, explained during her Kandidly Keshia podcast, the two were married in a secret ceremony on New Year’s Eve. “It was my dream,” Pulliam said. “We did it literally in our living room in our home. We invited people. They had no clue they were coming to a wedding.”

Seven months later, it looks like former NFL player Hartwell, 38, has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. But there’s one more thing Hartwell is questioning – the paternity of the baby.

“Right now, the only thing I want is a paternity test for the baby,” he told TheYBF.com via his rep.

Determining Paternity

There are numerous reasons for why you would seek to prove the paternity of your child‘s father. These reasons are not just for being able to receive child support. Being able to legally prove paternity also opens the door to the ability of your child receiving legal rights to social security or Veteran’s benefits, or possible inheritance – in the event that the birth father passes away.

What is Paternity?

Paternity is “the state or condition of being a father.” It’s important to establish this for numerous reasons – we will go into this further below – but either the mother or the father of the child may file the Petition to Establish Parental Relationship of a child. When paternity is established (should it not be evident) through a paternity test, a court will make decisions on the issues of child custody, child support, and child visitation.

Reasons for a Paternity Test

Financial

It can be hard to raise a child on one income. A mother seeking child support compensation will need to prove that the man she is seeking child support payments from is actually the father.

Un-Located Fathers

Often times a woman seeking child support will have to deal with a father that cannot be located. Most states have measures in place to track down these fathers that claim they are not the father.  Once a man is located, a court will issue a paternity test to determine if the man is the father. This will then determine if the man needs to provide child support.

Helpful for Fathers

Paternity tests determine if a child is yours or not.  If you are unsure of your paternity, a paternity test is the only way you will be able to legally say you do not need to make child support payments.

A Note About At-Home Paternity Tests

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While many “at-home” paternity tests exist, only tests taken in court-approved locations can be deemed as legally official. These paternity tests require an approved official, such as a laboratory employee, to collect DNA. The test cannot be handled by either parent in order to prevent possible tampering.

Establishing Paternity

To establish paternity, you will need to do the following:

  • If you were married to your husband when your child was born, it is legally assumed that you are the legal father.
  • If you were not married when your child was born, you must legally determine the father of the child through a court-approved paternity test. This test will be the definitive answer on paternity.

Prove Paternity Cases

When parents are unmarried at the time of conception or birth of a child it can be difficult to establish paternal rights through a paternity case. Because these types of cases can be complex, it helps to consult an experienced family law attorney. Below are some legal guidelines for paternity cases.

California Family Code section 7570

California Family Code section 7570 states “there is a compelling state interest in establishing paternity for all children.” This is because “establishing paternity is the first step toward a child support award.” Paternity is used as basis for child custody and visitation orders. A father’s paternity must be determined in order for the child to receive the following: health insurance, social security, military benefits, and inheritance rights. The code states, “knowing one’s father is important to a child’s development.”

California’s Procedure For Voluntary Paternity

California has an established procedure for establishing voluntary paternity. When a child is born and the parents are unmarried, the parents are able to sign a Declaration of Paternity that establishes they are the legal parents of the child. Signing this form is completely voluntary for both parents.

This declaration can be signed at the hospital when the child is born. If signed at the hospital, the father’s name will go on the child’s birth certificate. This means that the mother does not need to go to court to prove who the father of the child is.

You are not obligated to sign the letter at the hospital. But, if the parents decide to sign this form after the child’s birth certificate has been issued, a new birth certificate will need to be issued with the father’s name.

Signing this form when you are unmarried parents saves both parties, as well as the court, time and money when it comes to determining paternity.

Child Custody

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

1. Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

2. Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including: education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

3. Joint Custody

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Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including: joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Joint Child Custody Arrangements

Joint Child Custody can take various forms, such as:

joint legal custody – where the parents share the decision-making responsibilities.

joint physical custody – where children spend time with each parent separately.

joint legal and physical custody – a combination of the above.

Joint Child Custody – Advantages and Disadvantages

There are advantages and disadvantages to joint child custody. While it ensures children continue contact with both parents, children still need to be shuttled from one parent to the other. This can be a difficult situation for non-cooperative parents, and thus can be a hard situation for children stuck in the middle. Regardless of if parents are cooperative or non-cooperative, it’s crucial that all financial records of groceries, finances associated with a child’s after school activities, medical care, and clothing are kept. In cases where parents argue about these things, a judge will appreciate finely detailed records. If parents can maintain a positive parenting schedule and approach, and keep the child’s best interests in mind, joint custody can be a positive and comforting experience for a child.

4. Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parented that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parents has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Filing For Sole Custody

While most courts favor joint custody, if you feel the parent you share a child with is unfit you can file for sole child custody of your child. Here are the steps to do so.

File Correct Forms

You’ll want to either work with a court clerk or your family law attorney to determine which forms you’ll want to use when petitioning for sole child custody. The type of petition you file is dependent on your specific circumstances. Here are some examples of petitions to file:

  • petition to update existing child custody orders
  • petition to establish custody
  • petition to establish paternity and install custody

Make sure your family law attorney reviews all forms prior to your submission. This will ensure everything is filed correctly and in the way that will ensure the outcome you want. Make a copy for yourself and for the other parent. The court will keep the original.

Get a Mediation or Hearing Date

Once your sole child custody petition is filed, you will get a date for either a mediation session or court date. Both you and the other parent need to be present at this date in order to meet a final agreement regarding the child’s custody.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

The first thing you should do if you are seeking paternity or having to deal with custody disputes is hire a family law lawyer that works with child custody cases. A lawyer will be able to help you decide your best course of action based on your situation. Additionally, it’s important to remember that filing for child custody does not necessarily mean you get child support. But a child custody order does not automatically give you child support.

For advice on child custody or child support, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Visitation Family Law

Madonna Battles Guy Ritchie for Child Custody

Madonna and Guy Ritchie are currently locked in a child custody battle over 15-year-old son, Rocco.

Madonna Battles Guy Ritchie for Child Custody

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Madonna’s child custody issues began at the end of last year when son Rocco decided to leave his mother’s Rebel Heart world tour to visit his father in London and remain in London rather than return to the US. Madonna applied for legal action under the Hague Convention – which deals with the abduction of children – for the return of Rocco, but has since terminated that action.

Judges on both sides of the pond have urged the couple to come to a decision. During the handing down of his ruling, Judge MacDonald said: “At the root of these proceedings… is a temporary breakdown in trust. For all the media coverage, comment and analysis, this is a case born out of circumstances that arise for countless separated parents the world over.

“I renew, one final time, my pleas for the parents to seek, and to find, an amicable resolution to the dispute between them.”

Judge MacDonald’s sentiments echo those of  New York judge Deborah Kaplan, who told both parties: “No one is disrupting his household other than the inability of the parents to reach a resolution.”

Forms of Child Custody

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parents has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including: education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including: joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Preparing for Your Child Custody Case Hearing

One you have filed your petition to be granted sole child custody you will receive a date for either a mediation session or a court hearing. You’ll want to be prepared going into this meeting. Here are some steps to prepare.

Work with Your Family Law Attorney

Your family law attorney will help you prepare for the mediation or court hearing. If you have been working with a family law attorney up to this point, chances are you have already built your case for why the other parent is unfit to raise the child or children you share. If you have not been working with a family law attorney, you will need to gather evidence of this on your own. We’ll discuss this more in depth further below.

Serve the Other Parent

After the petition has been filed, you’ll need to let the other parent know that you have done so, and that you are requesting that a change be made to the current custody agreement. You can either work with your family law attorney to have the notification served, or work with a service company or the courthouse to have this done.  Once the notification is served, the person who served the papers will need to provide you with proof that the other parent has been made aware. This is called “Proof of Service.” You’ll need to provide this to the court.

Preparing Evidence

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Family law courts prefer to award joint custody to both parents. Because of this, you will need to prove that the other parent is unfit and unable to handle custody of your child. This may be proven a number of ways. Here are a few examples:

  • A history of abuse or neglect. Are there any police reports that have been filed against the other parent? Are there other pieces of evidence? Are there witnesses that can corroborate your story?
  • Lifestyle. Does the other parent have a job? Is it a steady job that can ensure the other parent is able to financially take care of the child? Where does the other parent live? Is it a safe environment?
  • Emotional and physical health. Is the other parent physically and mentally able to care for the child?

Once you have prepared all your evidence, either on your own, or with the help of a family law attorney, you will be ready for the mediation or court hearing. If during the mediation session you are unable to come to an agreement, then the case will need to go before a judge. Hopefully, either through mediation or the court hearing, you will then be granted with sole child custody.

It should be noted that if a parent strongly disagrees with how the court has decided on the custody case, there is always an option to appeal.

Appealing Child Custody Decisions

Child custody cases are difficult due to the nature of the subject. A family law court will always rule in the best interest of the child. It’s important to note that an appeals court will not review a case just because one party disagrees with what the judge decided. If you feel your child custody agreement was arrived at because the court made a substantive error (either procedural or legal) you are able to appeal the court’s decision. Here’s how to appeal a child custody ruling.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

Working with a family law attorney will help you prove your case. In the case of appealing an already decided agreement, the family law attorney will need to prove that the previous decision was arrived at inaccurately due to a legal error or a procedural error.

Rules of Your Jurisdiction

Every state has different rules that given child custody cases and appeals. A family law attorney will be familiar with the rules of your specific jurisdiction and will be able to help guide you through the process. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you will need to research the rules on your own. These jurisdiction rules govern what your timeline is for filing an appeal to your child custody case, as well as exact guidelines for what should be contained in the petition to appeal. You can find these rules online or at your local courthouse.

Prepare an Appellate Petition

Next, you will need to prepare an appellate petition. This petition outlines why you are appealing the current child custody decision, as well as lists the errors that the lower court made when deciding on your child custody decision. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you might want to have the petition you fill out reviewed by one, just to ensure it has been done correctly. Next, you will file this petition with the court, as well as have a notification of the filing served to your opposing party.

Review of Appellate Petition

The court will then review the appellate petition and decide whether or not to hear your child custody appeal. If the court decides to hear your case, you will need to prepare a brief that explains your reasons for appealing the initial child custody agreement. This brief should include the lower court’s rules, case law, and all the facts that were presented in the initial custody hearing. A judge will review this and offer a final decision.

When parents live in different locations, either different states, countries, or even towns, the issue of child custody can become very difficult. It’s not uncommon for parents to request move away court orders.

Move Away Court Orders

If you are facing a case such as this one, the first thing you need to identify is if you are able to move away and relocate your child. Most courts will not allow a parent to relocate the child unless he or she has received written consent from the other parent or a court.

During a question of relocating a child the court takes the “best interest of the child” into account, considering these factors:

  • Is the current child custody arrangement stable?
  • Where is the new location? How far away is it from the household of the remaining parent?
  • What will be the financial impact (for both parents)?
  • Age of the child
  • What is the current relationship between the parents and the child?
  • Are the parents able to co-parent?
  • What are the child’s wishes (this is often dependent on the child’s age)?
  • Does the child require special accommodations? If so, are these accommodations available in the new location?
  • Reason for the move
  • Any additional factors

Working with A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to child custody decisions, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered, namely the best interests of the child, but also what type of custody you are hoping to acheive. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Mediation

Chris Martin Talks About Divorce

It’s been almost two years since Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and Gwenyth Paltrow announced that they would be “consciously uncoupling.” While Gwenyth may have previously discussed the couple’s divorce, Chris has only recently opened up about it.

Chris Martin Talks About Divorce

As Martin, 39, recently told the Sunday Times, he struggled with depression following the divorce announcement. It’s depression he deals with now. “I still wake up down a lot of days,” he said. “But now I feel like I’ve been given the tools to turn it around.”

“It’s always out there in the media, but I have a very wonderful separation-divorce. It’s a divorce but it’s a weird one,” he said. “It’s funny. I don’t think about that word very often — divorce. I don’t see it that way. I see it more like you meet someone, you have some time together and things just move through … I’ve lived a lot of life since then.”

“You can come at it very aggressively and blame and blame,” he told the paper. “Or you can put yourself in the garage, so to speak. Take yourself apart and clean off the bits. Reassemble.”

One key thing that Martin and Paltrow have kept in mind is their two children – Apple, 11, and Moses, 9. In being able to put their children first, they have been able to remain amicable. This is often the hardest part of divorce – learning how to co-parent.

Learning to Co-Parent

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

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“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law Marital Property Division Spousal Support

Ford Ad Takes on Divorce

Most advertising companies tend to stay away from the topic of divorce. It can feel uncomfortable, and sad. But Ford Denmark’s latest commercials don’t beat around the bush when it comes to the topic.

Ford Ad Takes on Divorce

While divorce is a sad experience for everyone, it is something that many people go through within the course of their lives. Ford Denmark addresses the topic of divorce directly in a recently released three-part short film, created by creative agency Very.

While it might seem dark for a car ad, it’s effective in that it drives home the idea that life happens so much in our cars, which is why it’s important to buy a good one.

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The first ad in the three part series portrays a father and daughter having a snowball fight. The girl’s younger brother sits in the car, refusing to take place in the fight. What we later realize is that this is him taking a stances against his parents’ impending divorce.

In the second and third ads, the story proceeds with the disintegration of the family. Among the images, Ford cars are ever present.

“We started thinking about how prevalent the car is in a divorce. It is both a tool and a setting,” said Daniel Kragh-Jacobsen, director of the ads. “Ford’s demography really is the Danish middle class, who do have the highest divorce rate in the world. And so we pitched this film under the banner ‘Ford. Supporting families against the odds.’ “

“It was a main concern from the beginning, from everyone. But we had to try to submit our idea and see what happened,” he says. “As you can see, the film is split into three sections, and each section has one small story which centers the car. To me it was just perfect, dark or not dark. It was about real people, and yes, the story is centered around a product, but the product is simply a prop or a setting, just like in a fiction film.”

Kragh-Jacobsen hopes viewers are attracted to the new ads “because they see themselves in our story. They can relate, and it isn’t a glossy picture of the perfect family driving the perfect car. Whether this will influence them to buy their new vehicle, I’m not sure. I guess it is creating some attention around Ford, since they are trying something new. The most important thing for me is that our story resonates and is remembered.”

Divorce is Sensitive

Divorce is a sensitive topic for most. If they have not been through a divorce themselves, chances are they know someone that has been through a rough divorce, or may even have witnessed divorce first-hand by watching their parents divorce. When it comes down to it, everyone is at least familiar with divorce.

While divorce can be heart-breaking, it can also be an opportunity for reflection and analysis. Below are some tips for how to get through this rough time.

Perspective

Yup, it’s true, hindsight is 20/20. You have to walk through something, get a far way ahead of it, and only then can you look back and see just how important that process was. At that point you can see the beginning, the middle, and the end, and how that end is so clear and empty of emotional and clutter. Take this new clarity and run with it. That perspective can give you amazing information you need to change your own behaviors and to improve your future relationships.

Gratitude After Divorce

After you lose everything, you take nothing for granted. Divorce can be like losing everything:  past memories, your present marriage, and future dreams. Let that be your determination to survive. But this is also a time to lean on friends and family that stepped up and stood by. They will lift you up, even when you can’t lift yourself. Be grateful for them, and try to show them that you are. If not now, then try to later.

Empathy
When you have felt pain, you honor and respect that pain in others. Divorce can make you more empathetic towards people facing any form of loss. You will move towards acceptance and forgiveness of your situation and your ex. And with this movement will come the ability to see things from other people’s viewpoints, making you a better friend, and a better person to be in a relationship with (down the line, when you are ready for one).

Divorce wipes away the ego that believes it’s shameful to ask for help. After you admonish this, you will be able to accept help for yourself, and then be able to offer help to others who are in need.

Responsibility
It’s easy to blame your ex, to place the responsibility for the divorce in his or her hands. We also might realize that all too often we have looked to them to provide happiness, or support for making decisions. This interdependency ends with divorce. It’s good to be interdependent, but divorce requires that you learn to be independent. You’re going to be steering this ship on your own. You’re going to have to be responsible for your own things now: happiness, support, etc. Let this empower you though, rather than make you feel lost or scared. You’re completely in control now. You can change. It’s your life now.

Humility

Divorce teaches us that no matter how much we want something to be true, we can’t force it into being. All those choice you made have consequences. And maybe now you are being forced to see them. Sure, you might have said “divorce will never happen to me,” but now it has. You’re going to have to admit that it can happen to anyone. Let this “slap” of reality force you to embrace acceptance while also redefining expectations. You’re not immune to anything.

Fortitude
Divorce can be a longer process with more setbacks than you had ever imagined before you took that first step. Just when you think that the worst is behind you, BAM! It hits you again. Two steps forward, one step back has never been more true. It takes grit to survive.

Awareness
Divorce can be a wake-up call. Often times people realize they were living in a kind of “auto-pilot” mode when they said their “I dos.” The clarity and awareness you have after saying your “I Un-dos” might provide you with a sense of awareness that wasn’t there before. A lot of people turn to meditation and yoga during divorce because it settles the mind to allow for awareness. This mindfulness and consciousness will be helpful moving forward in your new life.

Ingenuity

Keep a Journal in Your Personal Injury CaseDivorce is also a way to test your abilities… all of them. Your negotiating skills, your financial skills, your balanced budgeting skills, co-parenting abilities. You are the only problem solver now. You will need to work out how to afford your rent on a portion of the budget you once had. You will also need to learn how to co-parent, potentially with an ex you hate (for now). But the more you are placed in these new positions, the better you will become at those tasks.

Figuring Out Marital Property

Divorce is scary to face. What can make the process even more overwhelming is determining what your financial situation will look like. In addition to child support and alimony, you will also need to determine how your property will be divided.

What State do you Live in?

State laws govern how the marital property will be divided. You will need to check with an attorney to see if you live in an equitable distribution state or a community property state.

What Counts as Property?

Property is anything that can be bought or sold, or anything that has a financial value. This includes: houses, cars, furniture, clothing, bank accounts, businesses, etc. Within that, there are two forms of property when it comes to a marriage: community property and separate property. Community property is anything earned or acquired during the course of the marriage. Separate property belongs to one spouse. States make their own determinations on what counts as separate property. A family law attorney would be able to help you determine what is “separate property” based on your state’s laws.

Other Considerations

There are four other steps that need to be considered when diving marital property:

  1. Identify the assets owned by you and your spouse
  2. Categorize all assets as marital or non-marital property
  3. A value will need to be assigned to the assets
  4. Devise a plan for the division of assets that is in accordance with state laws

No Fault Divorce Laws

Though most states separate the division of marital property from grounds for divorce due to no fault divorce laws, most states do consider any financial misconduct when it comes to dividing marital property. What this means is if you or your spouse has foolishly spent money then you or your spouse will most likely be penalized when it comes to dividing marital property.

Separate Join Financial Obligations

If you feel the division of marital assets might be a contentious point between you are your spouse, you might want to consider separating financial obligations prior to starting the divorce process. Marital property does not only mean furniture and household items, but also joint credit accounts. Each spouse should have access to a complete set of all financial documents. You’ll also want to close all joint credit card accounts. If you’re not able to fully separate the accounts, draft a formal written agreement outlining the activity on the remaining joint accounts. Freeze any investment assets – this will ensure neither spouse misuses funds until everything has been agreed upon. You might also want to consider changing the title on your home to read “tenants in common” until the final agreement regarding marital property has been decided upon.

In addition to figuring out marital property division, you’ll want to consult with professionals familiar with re-structuring finances after divorces.

A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

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Jeremy Renner Will Pay $13K a Month in Child Support

Actor Jeremy Renner will be paying $13,000 a month in child support to ex-wife Sonny Pacheco. The two divorced after just ten months of marriage.

Jeremy Renner Will Pay $13K a Month in Child Support

The Oscar-nominated actor and his soon-to-be ex-wife split up after just ten months of marriage, and share a daughter, 2-year-old, Ava Berlin Renner.

It appears that though the two signed a prenuptial agreement in which Pacheco had waived her right to seek spousal support, Pacheco was still seeking support payments. While Pacheco had been seeking primary physical custody of Ava and an increase in the monthly support payments she was receiving, Renner has always insisted on joint custody. Now, according to court documents, the two will share joint legal and physical custody and Renner will pay $13,000 a month in child support.

In addition to the new agreement on child custody and support, the settlement also stipulates that neither Renner nor Pacheco is allowed to “make derogatory or insulting remarks” about the other, any future significant others, or either of their families in front of Ava. They’re also restricted from “arguing, yelling or using profanity” directed at each other in front of the two-year-old.

Additionally, Renner has been asked to cover Ava’s health care costs in full, and has also been ordered to pay back child support of $21,035.

An Overall Look at Child Support

Children, Sports, and the Increasing Number of Brain Injuries

It’s a term that gets thrown around a lot, especially in divorce cases where children are involved, but it’s not always necessarily defined. Child support is a monthly payment that parents pay to help cover the costs associated with raising a child, such as education, health care, and after-school activity costs. Just as every child is different, the amount that needs to be paid is different, and will be based on the child’s needs, in addition to the ability of the parent to pay, in addition to some set legal guidelines.

Typically, the custodial parent – the parent who cares for the child most of the time – receives the child support payments.  And the non-custodial parent – the parent that spends less parenting time – typically makes the payments. It is assumed that because the custodial parent is in legal charge most of the time, that they are already directly spending money on the child. A court is also able to order both parents to pay child support.

In cases where one parent makes more money than the other, such as in the Renner-Pacheco case, it makes sense that while the two share joint legal and physical custody, Renner will need to pay child support – his income is higher than Pacheco’s.

Usually, child support is paid until the child turns 18, though there are some exceptions. Exceptions include: the child marries, joins the military, or becomes self-supporting. Other times, the support may continue until the child turns 19 if the child is still in high school and lives with a parent. Support can also be extended past the age of 19 if parents agree, or if the child is unable to become self-supporting due to a disability.

Child Support Guidelines in California

While each case will be considered separately and individually, the payment amount a parent must pay is based on California’s child support guidelines.

The guidelines follow a mathematical formula and are based on a number of factors, which we will discuss. You can calculate a rough amount by using California’s Guidelines Child Support Calculator. A court presumes that the amount given by the California’s Guidelines Child Support Calculator is appropriate, but because there are so many additional factors that can weigh into a child support decision, that amount can be unfair. Because of this, it’s advised that you work with a family law attorney that can help you get a fair amount.

In cases with special circumstances, where parents have different time-sharing arrangements than the typical, child support decisions can be difficult to determine. Examples of these special circumstances include: when the parents have equal time-sharing, but one parent has a much lower or higher percentage of income; where the child has special medical needs. In cases like these, a court will need to weigh all these special factors.

Parents are also able to pay more, if it is agreed, and also agree for one spouse to pay less. Regardless of the decision, a court will need to approve the final amount. It’s important to note that a court will always take the child’s best interest into account. This factor will always play into the decision regarding the amount of support payments, so if a couple decides to pay less, then the parents will also need to be able to prove the child’s needs will be met. Paying less support is not an option for parents who have applied for or receive public assistance. Instead, a parent who receives public assistance may agree to support payments that are at or above the amount provided by the guidelines. Additionally,  the local child support services agency must also agree to the lesser amount.

Calculating Child Support Payments

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To calculate what a court will want you to pay in child support, you’ll first need both parents’ net disposable income. This is the difference between gross income and what counts as deductions for child support purposes. You can either consult the California Guideline Child Support Calculator User Guide, or work with a family law attorney to determine what can be deducted.

Gross income is income from the following: salaries, commissions, unemployment, spousal support, and social security benefits. You might even need to include lottery winnings, depending on the amount. You are able to exclude child and spousal support payments actually paid and money from public assistance programs.

After determining gross income, deduct state and federal income taxes, mandatory union dues, and health insurance premiums, among other things. You can either consult the California Guideline Child Support Calculator User Guide, or work with a family law attorney to determine what can be deducted.

You’ll also need to know the following:

  • number of children who need support
  • custody (time-share) arrangement
  • both parents’ tax liabilities
  • whether a parent is already supporting children from another relationship
  • child’s health insurance expenses
  • both parents’ mandatory retirement contributions and other job-related expenses, and
  • all other relevant costs (health care, day care, travel, etc)

Remember that a court will require either one or both parents to contribute to the child’s health care and child care. A court also has the discretion to require  additional payment for the child’s education or special needs, as well as for a parent’s travel expenses for visiting the child.

Remember that after you have calculated your child support payment, that this is just an estimate until a court reviews it and approves it. A family law attorney is a great way to ease this process, as it can be overwhelming to calculate.

You Must Pay Child Support

Every parent that is ordered to pay child support, must do so. A parent that avoids paying by refusing to work or working less very rarely gets away with it. A court can “impute” income. This means that the court will look at factors like employment history, education, and training and come up with an amount of income that a parent should be earning.

Modifications to the Amount of Child Support

Even if a child support payment has been agreed to, it can be modified. This is usually only granted if there has been a significant change in financial or time-share circumstances.

Such circumstances include: job loss, increase in income, or a shift in how much parents are spending with the child. Other reasons include: when a parent has another child with a different partner or when a parent has an extended illness or goes to jail.

When a modification request is made, the court will consider both parents’ current financial situations and time-share. Sometimes when parent’s income has decreased, that parent’s child support payment goes up due to the time-share factor. Child support payments tend to increase when a parent’s percentage of time-share decreases. A court will need to recalculate time-share amounts in addition to the changes in income.

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce and determining child support and payment, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that a family law attorney will be able to advise you on, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co