Month: January 2018

Categories
Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce

Why Jay-Z and Beyonce Didn’t Get Divorced

After Beyonce launched her “Lemonade” album there was room to speculate that her and rapper husband Jay-Z were having issues with their marriage. Recently Jay-Z explained why he and Beyonce did not get divorced.

Why Jay-Z and Beyonce Didn’t Get Divorced

During a recent interview, Jay-Z, 47, explained why he and Beyonce, 36, decided to stay together after multiple incidents of infidelity on his part. The rapper’s latest album, 4:44, details his infidelity and reconciliation with his wife of nine years.

“You know, most people walk away, and the divorce rate is like 50 percent or something ’cause most people can’t see themselves,” he said. “The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself.”

Jay-Z went on to say he wasn’t surprised by his wife’s album, “Lemonade,” which initially started the speculation around the two’s marriage.

“We were using our art almost like a therapy session,” he said. “And, you know, at the end of the day we really have a healthy respect for one another’s craft,” he added. “I think she’s amazing.”

On why the two did not get divorced? “For us, we chose to fight for our love. For our family. To give our kids a different outcome. To break that cycle for black men and women. To see a different outcome,” Jay-Z said.

The two were married on April 4, 2008 during a secret wedding in front of friends and family. They have two young daughters and a son.

Infidelity, falling out of love, financial reasons. These are all reasons for getting a divorce. But they aren’t the only ones.

Common Reasons for Divorce

Chances are you have a friend or family member that has gone through divorce. It’s not easy and there are many factors that contribute to the dissolution of a marriage. It can be any number of combinations of reasons that cause two people to say that’s it. Here are some common reasons:

Lack of communication. When you are unable to communicate with your partner, you create distance. This can be from lack of sharing feelings, or not keeping your partner in the loop about what’s happening with you emotionally. A successful relationship is one that has open lines of communication. Otherwise it can feel like nothing is ever resolved, and as if you aren’t even talking about why things can’t be resolved. Additionally, chances are you both feel as if something is being left unsaid. These feelings can multiply over time and become much larger than they were at the beginning. You might consider working with a relationship therapist to learn how to communicate effectively.

When You Might Consider a Lawyer for Personal Injury Claims

Financial Issues. Money, and lack of it, can lead to a lot of problems in relationships. Often times two people have very different mindsets when it comes to saving and spending. If you and your spouse are not in agreement when it comes to how to manage your money, it can cause a lot of problems. Sit down and have an open conversation about how you relate to money and what your goals are. You might find one spouse wants to save to buy a house or to go on a big vacation, while the other spouse would rather go out to dinner every night of the week and have a closet filled with amazing clothes. You might have different goals, and neither one is wrong. Try to find a middle ground. You might also want to speak with a financial adviser that can take a look at your financial situation and advise you on how to move forward based on your joint goals.

Feeling Held Back. When you first started dating your spouse you may have felt as if the sky was the limit, or maybe you felt like you needed to change yourself a little for him or her. Over the course of a marriage things can change. You might feel now as if your spouse and marriage are holding you back from achieving goals and taking opportunities. If you don’t feel supported by your spouse you can begin to feel as if you are being held back from really accomplishing what you want to during your lifetime. Try to get a clear-headed assessment. Are you really being held back? Or maybe it’s just how you are perceiving the situation. An open conversation might be the best place to start.

Trust. Trust is one of the leading factors in having a successful relationship and marriage. It can be impossible to achieve anything if you do not trust each other. Ask yourself if there’s a reason for the lack of trust. Was there an infidelity or past infidelities? Or are you just reading into things? Try to get a clear head about why there is not trust in your relationship. Maybe working with a relationship therapist can help you both deal with any trust issues.

Expectations. If you expected one thing at the beginning of the relationship and you aren’t getting it now, or your expectations have changed, you might find that you aren’t as happy in your relationship as you could be.

Your spouse doesn’t understand or fulfill your needs and desires. We all have different needs and wants that need to be met by the significant other in our lives. If you have a partner that doesn’t acknowledge your interests and desires then they won’t do what they can to fulfill your needs and wants.

Sudden Life Change. New changes happen at every moment in our lives. This can be the birth of a child, death of a parent, sudden job loss, a new opportunity for a job across the country. You will both need to be adaptable and know how to be supportive of each other. Life is unplanned, but you should be able to plan that your spouse will be there to support you whether its a good change or a difficult one.

Domestic Violence. If you’ve been in a situation, or are currently in a situation, where your partner has been abusive or controlling in any manner, you should consider seeking help. If need be, contact a trusted family, friend, or an attorney about this matter.

Uncommon Reasons for Divorce

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There are common reasons for divorce, and then there are the uncommon ones like these:

Didn’t Like the Movie “Frozen.” After finding out that her husband “didn’t care for” the film “Frozen,” according to the U.K.’s Metro News, a Japanese woman divorced him, saying, “If you can’t understand what makes this movie great, there’s something wrong with you as a human being.”

Possessed by a Genie. After his wife refused to sleep with him, one Dubai man divorced his wife. Her family told him she was possessed by a “dijn,” a type of genie from Arabic mythology, according to Gulf News. Apparently, several religious experts had already attempted to exorcise the genie but were unsuccessful.

Broken Penis Extension. According to the U.K.’s Metro News, a Russian man got a penis prosthetic after finding out that his wife was unsatisfied in bed. When it fell off and he didn’t get a new one, his wife said she was fed up and wanted a divorce.

“Excessive and insatiable desire for sex.” An Indian man divorced his wife because she had an insatiable sex drive. In divorce course he said she had been “aggressive, stubborn and autocratic,” and had forced him to take medication to boost his sexual stamina. She also threatened to sleep with other men if he failed to satisfy her.

“Guantanamo.” A Saudi woman filed for divorce after she found out her husband had nicknamed her “Guantanamo” in his cellphone. According to Al Arabiya news, she discovered the unflattering nickname when she called his cellphone and realized he had left it at home. The man defended himself, saying the nickname was to protect the couple’s privacy. “I don’t want people sitting around me to know that this is my wife calling,” he said.

Parrot Spills the Beans. According to ABC News, a Chinese woman learned of her  husband’s infidelity from the couple’s pet parrot when he started  saying the words “divorce,” “I love you,” and “be patient.” She took the parrot with her to the divorce lawyer.

Too Many Cats. When people hate cats, they really hate cats. And when they love them, they really love them. Apparently, enough to give up their marriage.  According to the Times of Israel, a man divorced his wife after she brought home 550 cats. In court he said he was unable to sleep on the bed and unable to eat meals because the cats were always in the way or stealing his food. The woman refused to give up the cats so the husband decided to give up the marriage.

Cleaned Too Much. A German woman divorced her husband after 15 years of marriage. The reason? According to Reuters, it was because she couldn’t stand his constant cleaning. He constantly tidied and rearranged furniture. Sounds pretty tame… except for the time he tore down a wall in their home because he thought it was too dirty.

Kissed a horse. A man divorced his wife after eh found a photo of her on one of her social networks in which she was kissing a horse. He thought it was cheating. She thought it was crazy that he did. According to Emirates 24/7, the woman said she didn’t want to be with a man who thinks kissing a horse constitutes cheating.

Affair – 70 Years Earlier. An Italian couple ended their marriage in 2011 after the 99-year-old husband found love letters from the 1940s that had been written between his 96-year-old wife and her former flame.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

Whatever your reason is for divorce, whether it’s a common one, or a bizarre and uncommon one, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Support Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Spousal Support

Ewan McGregor to Pay Spousal Support

Actor Ewan McGregor will be paying spousal support to his estranged wife Eve Mavrakis. The actor filed for divorce on January 19, citing irreconcilable differences. The two formally separated May 28, 2017.

Ewan McGregor to Pay Spousal Support

McGregor will be paying spousal support and has also requested joint legal and physical custody of their minor children Jamyan, 16; Esther, 16; and Anouk, 6. The two also share an adult daughter named Clara.

Paying Spousal Support

Alimony, also known as “spousal support,” is when one spouse pays the other in order to help that spouse maintain the same financial standing as was experienced during the marriage. A court will require the higher earning spouse to assist the lower in maintaining that standard of lifestyle that was achieved during the marriage.

Awarding Spousal Support

In California, a judge can award temporary (“pendente lite”) support either during the divorce proceedings, or when the divorce is declared final. Typically these payments are made from one spouse to the other in a specified amount for a predetermined period of time. But support can also be paid in a single lump-sum payment. In collaborative process divorce agreements, spouses often come to an agreement on the terms and conditions of support payments. As long as this agreement meets legal requirements, a court will uphold an agreement. This is the case even if the agreement provides for a complete waiver of support to the lower-earning spouse.

Duration of Spousal Support

In California, the duration of spousal support agreements are often tied to the length of the marriage. A general rule of thumb is that for a marriage of less than 10 years, a court will not order support payments be made for longer than half the length of the marriage. But if a marriage has lasted 10 years or longer, a court typically will not set a definite termination date for support. Both spouses are able to request modifications to the spousal support agreement indefinitely, unless a termination date has specifically been agreed, or if the court expressly terminates the support at a later hearing.

Awarding Permanent Support

Sometimes support is labeled “permanent” support, but the actual awarding of permanent support lasting for the remainder of a lifetime is increasingly rare, even for marriages that last over 10 years. Family law courts in California tend to require a spouse seeking support to make an effort to become self-supporting. A spouse that makes claims that they are unable to work, or unable to become fully employed, is required to support the claim with evidence. Often times this means having a  vocational evaluation. And for long term support orders, the support often gradually reduces over time by a nominal amount. Permanent support is usually only awarded to spouses that are unable to become self-supporting due to age or disability.

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Calculation of Spousal Support

California law rules that the purpose of awarding temporary spousal support is for preserving the financial status quo, or “standard of living during the marriage” to the greatest extent possible. After a court evaluates and considers the needs of the spouse requesting the support, as well as the ability of the other spouses ability to pay, it can order the temporary spousal support in any amount. Typically, a court will use a common formula for calculating temporary support. One example of this formula is the Santa Clara County formula. This formula comes up with a figure through subtracting 50% of the lower-earner’s net income from 40% of the higher earner’s, and then makes adjustments for tax consequences and child support payments. The California Department of Child Support provides a support calculator for parents of dependent children looking to get a rough estimate of what temporary spousal support payments might look like along with child support payments. A family law attorney will also be able to provide you with a rough idea of what your payments will look like.

Standard of Living

Spousal support’s main purpose is to assist a supported spouse in maintaining a standard of living that was close to that which was attained during the marriage. But the goal is for the spouse receiving the payments to eventually become self-supporting to the greatest extent possible. A court will take the following into account:

  • marketable skills of the supported spouse,
  • job market for those skills,
  • any time or expense the supported spouse will need to acquire education or training for employment or enhanced employability, and
  • the extent to which periods of unemployment (due to domestic duties) during the marriage have impaired the supported spouse’s present or future earning capacity.

The court will also consider any other factors, including:

  • extent to which the supported spouse contributed to the other spouse’s attainment of education, training, professional licensing or career advancement (this can also mean the extent to which the supported spouse provided and maintained home life while the other spouse was advancing his or her career)
  • ability of the supporting spouse to pay support. A court will take into account earning capacity, earned and unearned income, assets, and standard of living,
  • needs of each party based on what the marital standard of living was,
  • each spouse’s obligations and assets, including separate property,
  • duration of the marriage,
  • ability of a spouse who is also a custodial parent to engage in employment without interfering with the interests of dependent children,
  • each spouse’s age and health,
  • documented history of domestic violence by either spouse*,
  • immediate and specific tax consequences to each spouse (often times tax agreements are figured out during the awarding of spousal support and child support agreements),
  • balance of the hardships to each spouse, and
  • the goal that the supported spouse will be self-supporting within a reasonable period of time. This follows a general rule of thumb presumed to be one-half the length of a marriage (unless the marriage was longer than 10 years).

*California courts do not ordinarily consider conduct when making spousal support determinations. But often times, a court will not award support to a spouse that has a proven history of violence toward the other spouse.

Modification or Termination of Spousal Support

Either spouse can request modification or termination of periodic payments due to a material change in circumstances unless it has been specified in the spousal support agreement. Absent a written agreement stating otherwise, spousal support terminates on the death of either spouse, or on the remarriage of the recipient.

Cohabitation

Cohabitation is an arrangement where two people who are not married live together in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship on a long-term or permanent basis. Typically, this term refers to unmarried couples who live together without formally registering their relation as a marriage. This type of arrangement can affect a spousal support agreement, as it is often deemed that a person living with a new partner has a reduced need for support.

Depending on your state:

• Your spousal support can be reduced or terminated upon cohabitation only if the cohabitation significantly decreases a recipient’s need for support.

• Your spousal support will be terminated regardless of whether the recipient’s economic need is diminished by cohabiting.

• Your spousal support will not be affected should the recipient of the support begin living with someone else.

You’ll want to work with a family law attorney in your state to ensure you understand the rules about cohabitation and spousal support payments.

Tax Effects

Periodic spousal support payments are typically taxable for the recipient and tax-deductible by the payer. During a divorce agreement couples often create their own settlement agreements to take advantage of this situation. Payments are structured to create the best possible tax scenario for both spouses. If there are children involved in the divorce, child support payments and their tax exemptions are also considered to ensure that both spouses receive the best tax benefits possible. There are usually no tax consequences for single lump-sum support payments.

Spousal Support Help

Working with a family law attorney can help you understand the process of awarding and receiving spousal support. Many of the laws are specific to the state you will be divorcing in, so it’s important you work with a lawyer that is knowledgeable about your state’s laws.

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

 

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law

Anna Faris Talks About Co-Parenting

When Anna Faris and Chris Pratt announced their decision to divorce, they also noted that they would continue to put the well-being of their son Jack first.

Anna Faris Talks About Co-Parenting

Chris Pratt filed for divorce from Anna Faris in December 2017, just four months after the couple announced they would be separating. The couple’s commitment to their five-year-old son, Jack is obvious in everything they do.

“He’s surrounded by so much love,” Faris shared during a recent interview. “We constantly reinforce what a great kid he is.”

Anna, 41, went on to say they “try to discipline when he’s being a little bit naughty but I think the key is surrounding him with a lot of joy and happiness, which he has a ton of.”

She continued, “I think it’s those small moments in life, when your kid says something funny or like for me, I love what I do so I get a kick out of feeling like I nailed a joke well. And family and friends!”

Learning to Co-Parent

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

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“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

Divorce Law LA

For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law

Gwyneth is Getting Married Again

When Gwyneth Paltrow famously “uncoupled” from singer Chris Martin, she changed the common perception that celebrity divorce has to be contentious. The 45-year-old just announced she is tying the knot again. This time to Brad Falchuk.

Gwyneth is Getting Married Again

Paltrow has officially confirmed that she has found love after her 2014 split from Coldplay singer Chris Martin. 

“Personally, at midlife, I have tried to accept how complex romantic love can be,” Paltrow explained about her decision to get married for the second time. “I have decided to give it a go again, not only because I believe I have found the man I was meant to be with, but because I have accepted the soul-stretching, pattern-breaking opportunities that (terrifyingly) are made possible by intimacy.”

Paltrow recently opened up in Goop Magazine about her past relationships, explaining that her past relationships have certainly informed her new ones. “I’m actually the only one in my life who got divorced. This used to feel like a failure; it took me a while to reframe that divorce isn’t a failure,” she admits.

The star wnet on to explain that before Falchuk, “I had two typical types of relationships.”

“One where I was constantly chasing and trying to win someone over, and one where I was put off by the person’s capacity for the relationship — and those relationships were very short-lived,” she says.

Now, “For the first time, I feel like I’m in an adult relationship that is sometimes very uncomfortable — because he sort of demands a certain level of intimacy and communication that I haven’t been held to before,” Paltrow said. She went on to add, “What came up in the first couple of years of our relationship was how incapable I was in this realm—how I feared intimacy and communication.”

 

Moving Forward After Divorce

After getting divorced it can take some time for your life to resettle. What was a crazy tumultuous time will, without a doubt, remain that way for a while. This can be especially true if you have kids and are now part of a co-parenting couple. But as Hollywood has shown us, there are ways that you can move forward after your divorce.

Moving forward after divorce means that every day you will need to purposefully carve out time progress and improve. It’s so easy for life to get sucked into the vacuum of a busy schedule. As Professor Harold Hill once said: “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.”

Get Out of Survival Mode

Following your divorce, you might find your life is filled with the nonessential and trivial. Do you check your ex-spouse’s Facebook every day to see if he or she is dating someone new? Do you obsess and get frustrated with every communication that comes from your ex? Are you resentful? How are you channeling all these new feelings? Are you just trying to survive?

It’s time to take your life back into your own hands.

It’s not uncommon to realize that you were living your life on someone else’s terms. But everything is in your hands now. With a lot of work and strong intention, you can design your future. You have to realize you are responsible and you must decide to make a change. Here are some first steps to making that giant leap into your new life:

  • Wake up
  • Get yourself in the zone
  • Get yourself moving
  • Eat well
  • Get ready and inspired
  • Get perspective
  • Do something that will move you forward

Get Enough Sleep

Despite the fact that sleep is just as important for life as eating and drinking water, millions of people do not get enough sleep.

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 40 million Americans suffer from over 70 different sleep disorders. Additionally, 60 percent of adults and 69 percent of children have one or more sleep problems at least a few nights during a week.

It makes sense then that more than 40 percent of adults experience daytime sleepiness that is severe enough to interfere with daily activities at least a few days every month.

Getting the right amount of sleep can help you have a longer life, increased creativity, memory, attention, and focus. It can help to lower stress and your risk for depression.

Bottom line: you need your beauty sleep.

Find Clarity and Abundance

You need to focus on moving forward toward the positive things in your life. What you set your focus on expands. After waking up from a restful night’s sleep, prayer and meditation can help you orient yourself toward the positive.

Focus on what you are grateful for. This could be the fact that you are out of a relationship and marriage that did not serve you. Maybe you’re just grateful for the fact the sun is shining. There are limitless opportunities and possibilities for you. That air of gratefulness will only draw more positive and good to you.

Start every morning by getting yourself into a space of gratitude and clarity.

Get Some Physical Activity

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By now you know you need to get your exercise. Still, according to the Center for Disease Control’s National Health Interview Survey, only one-third of American men and women between the ages of 25 to 64 engage in regular physical activity.

Regular exercise is can decrease your chance of depression, anxiety, and stress. It’s also been linked to higher success in people’s careers. Any form of exercise works: the gym, yard work, cleaning. Just get your body moving and every aspect of your life will thrive.

Eat/Drink 30 Grams of Protein

Eating protein first thing decreases cravings for white carbohydrates (the type of carbs that can make you fat. Donald Layman, professor emeritus of nutrition at the University of Illinois, recommends eating or drinking at least 30 grams of protein for breakfast. In The 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferriss, he recommends getting 30 grams of protein 30 minutes after waking up.

Food rich in protein will help you feel fuller for longer because they take longer for the body to digest. Protein also keeps blood-sugar levels steady, and thus prevents hunger spikes.

According to Ferriss, eat at least 40% of your breakfast calories as protein: two to three whole eggs, turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese. You can also do a protein shake made with water. If you follow a vegetarian or vegan diet you can eat legumes, greens, nuts, and seeds.

Take A Cold Shower

Every morning motivational speaker and life coach Tony Robbins jumps into a 57-degree Fahrenheit swimming pool.

Cold water immersion has been shown to radically facilitate physical and mental wellness with regular practice. It not only changes your body’s immune, lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems, but it can also increase weight-loss because it boosts your metabolism.

A study done in 2007 found that cold water triggers mood-boosting neurochemicals that make people feel happier. The study concluded that because of this, taking cold showers routinely can help treat depression symptoms. Often, cold showers are more effective than prescription medications.

Sure, none of us wants to step into a cold shower, but try to think of it like getting into a swimming pool. The first 20 seconds feels terrible, but once you’ve done it, it’s fine.

Those who do this report feeling an increase in willpower, creativity, motivation, and inspiration.

Do You Have a Life Vision? 

If you haven’t written down your short and long-term goals, you should. Just reviewing them a few minutes a day can put your day into perspective. Chances are some things have changed after your divorce. Take some time to re-focus your energy on what you really want to accomplish.

Reading your long-term goals every day will make sure you think about them every day. As you spend your days working towards your goals, they’ll manifest.

There’s a science to achieving goals, which removes the confusion and ambiguity of them. If you stick to a pattern, you can accomplish your goals, regardless of if they are large or small.

Write them down and review them every single day.

Moving Forward

A divorce can shatter your life if you let it. So don’t let it.

Every day you can move forward with these steps. Put a plan in place to succeed. Every step on that plan brings you closer to your dreams. Maybe that means finally having a day where you don’t feel guilty or sad about your divorce. Maybe it’s a day of less resentment. Maybe it’s a day where you focus on getting healthy by preparing a good meal for yourself.

Making small steps every day like the ones outlined above will change your life. And as a result, the universe will respond to you in beautiful ways.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

Whatever your reason is for divorce, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Divorce Family Law

Bethenny Frankel Suing for Child Custody

Bethenny Frankel, star of the Real Housewives of New York City, is suing her ex for full custody of the couple’s 7-year-old daughter.

Bethenny Frankel Suing for Child Custody

Bethenny Frankel, the mogul behind the Skinny Girl brand and star of the Real Housewives of New York City, is suing ex-husband Jason Hoppy for full custody of their 7-year-old daughter, Bryn.

This custody battle comes two months after the exes reached a resolution in the harassment and stalking charges that Frankel had brought against him after he was arrested for allegedly threatening her at Bryn’s school last January.

A spokesperson for the New York District Attorney’s confirmed that Hoppy agreed to a plea deal involving an ACD (a family adjournment in contemplation of dismissal) to settle the harassment charges.

As part of the ACD, Hoppy will need to comply with Frankel’s order of protection for six months. That means during that six months Hoppy must have no communication with her, and must stay away from her home and place of business.

In the meantime, it appears Frankel will be suing Hoppy for full custody. The couple is due in court in January for trial.

Frankel and Hoppy Divorce

Frankel and Hoppy, both 47, finalized their divorce in July 2016 after announcing their split in 2013. Frankel herself admitted the divorce had “gone on way too long.”

“I feel like I’m on the 18th hole of the golf round now. I feel like we’re here,” she said at the time. “I feel like I survived something. When it all shakes down, I’ll be a woman who has not kind of just felt backed into a corner. I stayed strong and I did what was best for myself, my daughter, for women.”

During an episode of the Bravo TV show she is famous for, she expressed her feelings about the divorce. “I don’t know why I’m being punished this way,” she said. “My custody situation is over, my financial settlement is over, my apartment is sold, and yet I sometimes feel hopeless. And I sometimes feel like my ex is untouchable and I’m not going to be able to get out of this.”

Frankel has also said the only thing that would free her from Hoppy’s alleged torment would be to move forward with a “zero contact” solution.

“Any resolution is legally mandated, and I’m fine with that,” she said. “I don’t care what happens, I have faith that somehow I will be able to live a normal free life. But it has to be with zero contact. Because with any contact, this will not end.”

Frankel insisted Bryn was not aware of what was going on between her parents.

“[Bryn’s] very pure and innocent and happy and she doesn’t really understand what a reality television show is, much less the things [we’re] talking about,” Frankel said. “It’s extremely advanced and complicated. I live in a house alone with my daughter when I have her. So there’s no pressure at all. She’s very isolated in her life and she’s very happy.”

“I’m definitely at my happiest when I’m with [her],” she added. “She is the sweetest, nicest person. Just going to the beach. The simple things in life. Those are the happy moments.”

If you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse share children, you’ll want to know what options you have when it comes to child custody. Often times child custody disputes are responsible for drawing out divorce paperwork. As always, it’s advised that you work with a family law attorney to help settle your divorce.

Reviewing Your Child Custody Options

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually, if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parent has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually, if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Preparing for Your Child Custody Case Hearing

One you have filed your petition to be granted sole child custody you will receive a date for either a mediation session or a court hearing. You’ll want to be prepared going into this meeting. Here are some steps to prepare.

Work with Your Family Law Attorney

Your family law attorney will help you prepare for the mediation or court hearing. If you have been working with a family law attorney up to this point, chances are you have already built your case for why the other parent is unfit to raise the child or children you share. If you have not been working with a family law attorney, you will need to gather evidence of this on your own. We’ll discuss this more in depth further below.

Serve the Other Parent

After the petition has been filed, you’ll need to let the other parent know that you have done so and that you are requesting that a change be made to the current custody agreement. You can either work with your family law attorney to have the notification served, or work with a service company or the courthouse to have this done.  Once the notification is served, the person who served the papers will need to provide you with proof that the other parent has been made aware. This is called “Proof of Service.” You’ll need to provide this to the court.

Preparing Evidence

law generic

Family law courts prefer to award joint custody to both parents. Because of this, you will need to prove that the other parent is unfit and unable to handle custody of your child. This may be proven a number of ways. Here are a few examples:

  • A history of abuse or neglect. Are there any police reports that have been filed against the other parent? Are there other pieces of evidence? Are there witnesses that can corroborate your story?
  • Lifestyle. Does the other parent have a job? Is it a steady job that can ensure the other parent is able to financially take care of the child? Where does the other parent live? Is it a safe environment?
  • Emotional and physical health. Is the other parent physically and mentally able to care for the child?

Once you have prepared all your evidence, either on your own or with the help of a family law attorney, you will be ready for the mediation or court hearing. If during the mediation session you are unable to come to an agreement, then the case will need to go before a judge. Hopefully, either through mediation or the court hearing, you will then be granted with sole child custody.

It should be noted that if a parent strongly disagrees with how the court has decided on the custody case, there is always an option to appeal.

Appealing Child Custody Decisions

Child custody cases are difficult due to the nature of the subject. A family law court will always rule in the best interest of the child. It’s important to note that an appeals court will not review a case just because one party disagrees with what the judge decided. If you feel your child custody agreement was arrived at because the court made a substantive error (either procedural or legal) you are able to appeal the court’s decision. Here’s how to appeal a child custody ruling.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

Working with a family law attorney will help you prove your case. In the case of appealing an already decided agreement, the family law attorney will need to prove that the previous decision was arrived at inaccurately due to a legal error or a procedural error.

Rules of Your Jurisdiction

Every state has different rules that given child custody cases and appeals. A family law attorney will be familiar with the rules of your specific jurisdiction and will be able to help guide you through the process. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you will need to research the rules on your own. These jurisdiction rules govern what your timeline is for filing an appeal to your child custody case, as well as exact guidelines for what should be contained in the petition to appeal. You can find these rules online or at your local courthouse.

Prepare an Appellate Petition

Next, you will need to prepare an appellate petition. This petition outlines why you are appealing the current child custody decision, as well as lists the errors that the lower court made when deciding on your child custody decision. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you might want to have the petition you fill out reviewed by one, just to ensure it has been done correctly. Next, you will file this petition with the court, as well as have a notification of the filing served to your opposing party.

Review of Appellate Petition

The court will then review the appellate petition and decide whether or not to hear your child custody appeal. If the court decides to hear your case, you will need to prepare a brief that explains your reasons for appealing the initial child custody agreement. This brief should include the lower court’s rules, case law, and all the facts that were presented in the initial custody hearing. A judge will review this and offer a final decision.

When parents live in different locations, either different states, countries, or even towns, the issue of child custody can become very difficult. It’s not uncommon for parents to request move away court orders.

Working with A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to child custody decisions, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered, namely the best interests of the child, but also what type of custody you are hoping to acheive. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

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