Month: August 2018

Leave Your Divorce Out of Your Facebook Status

Post author By Scott
Post date August 28, 2018

Whether updating a Facebook status to call out an ex-wife, or tweeting raves about a judge’s decision, people use social media platforms to tell the world about their lives… and their divorces.

But before you decided to post to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other social media, there are some things you need to know – namely how it could potentially affect your divorce and the judge’s decisions.

Leave Your Divorce Out of Your Facebook Status

It’s so easy these days – when you’re in the midst of a frustrating situation – to just go to Facebook to vent. If those frustrations have anything to do with your ex, or soon-to-e ex, you might just want to consult a family law attorney before posting your rant.

Social Media as Evidence in Divorce Court

Social media can be a valuable source of evidence in family law cases involving divorce, child custody, and child support and visitation. It’s not uncommon for people to assume that their Facebook posts, tweets, Instagram photos and other social media activities are more private than they really are. Though people are becoming increasingly more aware of the fact that social media is not as private as they thought, people still continue to post information they otherwise would have never volunteered. This information includes financial affairs, adultery, improper parenting, and even dangerous or illegal activities such as drug use. It’s all been seen on the internet, and it all still continues to be seen on the internet.

“Privacy” and Divorce

Many users of social media believe their pages are “private” and thus should not be able to be used in a family law battle. In previous cases, people have claimed that their Facebook profiles should be excluded from judgment or as evidence because they are only shared among a small group of Facebook “friends.” Yet courts continue to reject this argument, determining that there is little to no reasonable expectation of privacy with regards to actions taken on a social media platform. Even creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, has stated “privacy is no longer a social norm.”

It’s important to remember that while you can control your privacy settings, the information can still be easily shared. Sometimes parties going through domestic law cases “un-friend” the opposing party. Even then, information can still be shared through mutual friends and family members who are still able to see whatever you post. The information can also still be requested by an attorney. In previous cases such as Offenback v. Bowman, Barnes v. CUS Nashville, LLC, and Largent v. Reed judges have privately reviewed information to determine if information should be disclosed in a case.

Deleting Information

You or your ex-spouse might try to hide evidence by deleting it. But this can be dangerous too. Intentionally deleting information can be legally seen as the destruction of evidence. This can cause even more legal trouble in court. In the case of Lester v. Allied Concrete Co, the court fined both the defendant and his attorney for removing harmful posts and pictures on a Facebook page.

But how did they find out?

In our current social media age, it’s not uncommon for lawyers to take to social media to gather evidence when they are first hired for the case. Often times this means an attorney has social media information long before a person has time to delete or conceal the information. When this evidence “goes missing” and that fact becomes evident in a court of law, the deletion can have larger consequences than the original evidence.

How to Deal with an Ex

If your ex is continually bashing you online, try to focus on other things. Maybe it now the chance to prove you’re the bigger person by ignoring them.

Here’s some advice from those who have been through it before:

“Here’s my advice: Ignore it and consider the source. Giving him any satisfaction that he’s affecting you will only empower and embolden him to continue his childish tirades. Rise above it all, and show your daughter how a real adult behaves.”

– Diane D.

“The best revenge is to live a happy life. Remember when he bashes you, he is suffering. Smile and enjoy your freedom from this unkind man.”

– Maggie Z.

“I unfriended everyone we had in common, not in life, but on Facebook. I also blocked my ex and his now-wife and people that I knew to be an issue. It didn’t work all at once. It was a gradual change as I never responded to anything they said and I never said anything about them, but over time it seemed to work. And I really don’t care now. His reputation was very important to him, so he went to great lengths to make sure everyone that knows him thinks I am horrible. I just avoid those people and focus on my own life.”

– Heather P.

“I copied everything and printed it. I did block him after that. Judge was NOT happy about it. Of course we are civil now and different than we were over two years ago. But it is unacceptable behavior and it just makes him look horrible to the judge and mostly himself. Someone that bashes an ex like that on social media is a terrible friend to have. People start seeing the terrible side of him and his immature ways. Ignore it, copy EVERYTHING, then block him. Worked well for me.”

– Nichole S.

To Remember

It’s important to remember that just like in a criminal investigation, anything that you say can– and likely will – be used against you. This is especially true when a court is deciding how to award custody of children. If your Facebook wall is filled with images of you partying, chances are the court might take this into consideration. The same goes for if you use your Facebook wall as a way to voice concerns and your irritation about your ex-spouse’s short-comings. A court wants to know that you are capable of taking care of your children and being able to raise them in, ideally, a co-parenting situation.

Consulting a Therapist

If you really feel the need to vent your emotions, you might consider working with a therapist. They can help you work through feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, while also providing an un-judging ear. Best of all, everything is guarded under a patient-therapist agreement which means that they cannot share your feelings. This can be a great way to talk through your emotions without involving anyone else, while also receiving the emotional support that you might be searching for when you vent online.

Consult a Lawyer

As with anything regarding your divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… you should consult a family law attorney. A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags divorce and social media, Facebook, facebook status, social media

Divorce Family Law

You, After Divorce

Post author By Scott
Post date August 23, 2018

When you’re in the middle of a divorce, just starting one, or just ending one, it can be hard to see a future. Where will you be in a year’s time? Will you be better off? Will you be worse? When a couple decides to say “I do,” they never, ever dream of saying “I don’t.” Divorce can be debilitating, but when the dust is settled, you will have to pick up the pieces and move forward. It really is possible, sometimes you just need to know the road to you, after divorce.

You, After Divorce

It goes without saying that divorce is a difficult process. Whether or not there are kids involved, a number of thing need to be worked out: child custody arrangements, child support, spousal support, marital property division. A family law attorney will be able to help you with these aspects of ending a marriage. But you’ll also need help working through the tougher parts of ending a marriage: emotionally tiring and stressful aspects of ending a mrriage. It not only changes your entire lifestyle, it changes you. If you can step back, you might just realize how it changes you in a good way. Here are some positive aspects of a divorce that you may want to consider. In the end, you might just be grateful for the little things that you learned from going through one of the hardest processes you could go through.

Maturity
Sure, you have to legally be an adult before you can get married, but that doesn’t make you mature. If you had to take a maturity test before tying the knot, chances are marriage wouldn’t even exist. In truth, we often enter marriage still in a childlike state due to the faith we’ve put into the idea of “soul mates” and the fairy-tale romances we’ve been told that end in happily ever after. We might have been blind to the fact that marriage requires a whole ton of effort, and on your part, not the part of a fairy godmother. There’s also a good chance we never set down the wounds of our childhood. Those patterns that we picked up as children (yeah, those ones we never dealt with) all get taken along with us, becoming patterns that impact our marriages and adulthood.

Divorce is like the evil step-queen, yelling in your tear-streamed face. She’s not going to let you go on being the prince or princess that you thought you were. You’re going to have to create some magic of your own, on your own, perhaps for the very first time in your life.

Confidence After Divorce

Divorce can knock your confidence level down to zilch. You’re probably feeling pretty defeated because you weren’t able to hold your marriage together. And if infidelity played a part, then you’re also wondering where you fell short and why your ex-spouse decided to look elsewhere. All that, plus the idea that the whole dating scene has completely changed and now you have to get back out into, can lower your confidence level to below zilch. It’s terrible. But that’s only the first half of the story. Here’s when you re-write the second half.

When you successfully complete something that in your mind you just knew you could not do, you gain confidence. Having to re-frame your assumptions about your weaknesses and limitations, forces you to find a way to believe in yourself. Facing your fears and surviving gives you strength. And after battling through opposition you can emerge, sure, bruised and battered, but knowing that you didn’t give up.

Perspective
Yup, it’s true, hindsight is 20/20. You have to walk through something, get a far way ahead of it, and only then can you look back and see just how important that process was. At that point you can see the beginning, the middle, and the end, and how that end is so clear and empty of emotional and clutter. Take this new clarity and run with it. That perspective can give you amazing information you need to change your own behaviors and to improve your future relationships.

Gratitude After Divorce

After you lose everything, you take nothing for granted. Divorce can be like losing everything: past memories, your present marriage, and future dreams. Let that be your determination to survive. But this is also a time to lean on friends and family that stepped up and stood by. They will lift you up, even when you can’t lift yourself. Be grateful for them, and try to show them that you are. If not now, then try to later.

Empathy
When you have felt pain, you honor and respect that pain in others. Divorce can make you more empathetic towards people facing any form of loss. You will move towards acceptance and forgiveness of your situation and your ex. And with this movement will come the ability to see things from other people’s viewpoints, making you a better friend, and a better person to be in a relationship with (down the line, when you are ready for one).

Divorce wipes away the ego that believes it’s shameful to ask for help. After you admonish this, you will be able to accept help for yourself, and then be able to offer help to others who are in need.

Responsibility
It’s easy to blame your ex, to place the responsibility for the divorce in his or her hands. We also might realize that all too often we have looked to them to provide happiness, or support for making decisions. This interdependency ends with divorce. It’s good to be interdependent, but divorce requires that you learn to be independent. You’re going to be steering this ship on your own. You’re going to have to be responsible for your own things now: happiness, support, etc. Let this empower you though, rather than make you feel lost or scared. You’re completely in control now. You can change. It’s your life now.

Humility

Divorce teaches us that no matter how much we want something to be true, we can’t force it into being. All those choice you made have consequences. And maybe now you are being forced to see them. Sure, you might have said “divorce will never happen to me,” but now it has. You’re going to have to admit that it can happen to anyone. Let this “slap” of reality force you to embrace acceptance while also redefining expectations. You’re not immune to anything.

Fortitude
Divorce can be a longer process with more setbacks than you had ever imagined before you took that first step. Just when you think that the worst is behind you, BAM! It hits you again. Two steps forward, one step back has never been more true. It takes grit to survive.

Awareness
Divorce can be a wake-up call. Often times people realize they were living in a kind of “auto-pilot” mode when they said their “I dos.” The clarity and awareness you have after saying your “I Un-dos” might provide you with a sense of awareness that wasn’t there before. A lot of people turn to meditation and yoga during divorce because it settles the mind to allow for awareness. This mindfulness and consciousness will be helpful moving forward in your new life.

Ingenuity

Divorce is also a way to test your abilities… all of them. Your negotiating skills, your financial skills, your balanced budgeting skills, co-parenting abilities. You are the only problem solver now. You will need to work out how to afford your rent on a portion of the budget you once had. You will also need to learn how to co-parent, potentially with an ex you hate (for now). But the more you are placed in these new positions, the better you will become at those tasks.

Wisdom from Divorce
Divorce can be an opportunity for reflection and analysis. You are now raw and ready to learn new ways of doing things, in addition to just learning new ways to move on and cope.

Working with Professionals During and After Divorce

Therapist

There are so many emotional things that you will need to work through when you decide to end your marriage. You might want to consider reaching out to a therapist or life-coach to help you through the emotional aspects. They can coach you on coping techniques and skills that will help you come to terms with your divorce.

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case. For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags Divorce, divorce advice, family law attorney

Mediation

A Mediation Approach to Divorce

Post author By Scott
Post date August 13, 2018

You’ve been working for months to resolve your issues with your spouse but you still can’t seem to see eye to eye on anything. You can’t imagine this might be the end of your marriage, but you have no other option but to file for divorce. It can be a hard time. But if you aren’t constantly warring and are still able to have face to face conversations with your spouse without starting World War III then you might want to consider a different approach to divorce: mediation.

Mediation

The mediation process allows for negotiation, during which everyone involved works toward an outcome that feels fair to both parties. This shared and agreed to outcome has become a popular option in the U.S. over the years, and has helped to settle 50-80% of divorce cases. Working through a divorce with a mediator allows couples to be less defensive and more informed about both sides. Mediators help to aid the process by offering advice and other alternate solutions that a couple may not have considered. Also, the process of mediation tends to take half the amount of time a divorce that needs to go to court does. On average couples spend at least 50% of the cost of an average divorce because of that decrease in amount of time. This happen because you will not need to pay the legal fees of going to court and working with a judge as is usually needed for a traditional court proceeding.

Working Towards an Agreement

For a mediation process to work, both parties need to be focused on coming to an agreement. If the parties cannot agree to that, chances are it won’t work. A couple will then need to pursue a traditional court process. But mediation presents a positive environment for couples that want to avoid the combative and litigious process that often comes with going to family law court.

Preparing for Your Mediation

You and your spouse have decided that you want to avoid as much conflict as possible. You’ve both agreed to act like mature adults when it comes to ending your marriage with mediation. You have a mediation date set. Now you need to know what else to expect as you enter your mediation session.

Financial Documents

Before your first mediation session, make a list of all the assets you have. This list should include all financial information you have about: bank accounts, mutual funds, retirement funds, real estate, vehicles, time shares, businesses, and stock. You’ll also need to prepare a list your debts including monthly credit payment, mortgage and home equity payments, private loans, and car loans. Make sure you have all the information, or at least as much as possible. Ensure the information is organized and in a form that will allow the mediator to be able to clearly review it during the session.

Leave Your Emotions at the Door

Mediation is meant to be a negotiation process, not one in which you start crying or screaming at your soon to be ex. Getting emotional will not allow you the clear head you need for the mediation process. This is not the time to “get back” at your ex-spouse. This is the time to negotiate, and not argue, so you can come to a final agreement. Remember the end goal and what you are trying to accomplish. You also need to be realistic. Chances are you will not walk away having received everything you wanted. Being able to look forward and remember that will help you stay out of the nit-picky weeds of settling a divorce agreement. Still, be forthright about what you want.

Scheduled Sessions

You, your spouse, and your mediator team will put together a series of scheduled sessions, during which you will all meet as a large group. The first session will be for disclosing all the “hard facts” about the marriage: joint and individual finances (bank accounts, debts, investments, retirement accounts and pensions) and assets (real estate, cars, other vehicles). Depending on how much you are able to get through in that meeting, you will also discuss the “soft” facts. This is the crucial portions of a marriage: family background and history; fears and concerns; issues regarding children, and other non-financial matters.

Once all the “facts” are on the table, the mediator or mediators help the parties identify a range of possible solutions. These solutions will take everything into consideration a well as what each party (and any children involved) will need to survive after the divorce.

The next step is the “solutions phase.” During this time, the spouses speak directly to each other about various options that have been presented and discuss whether or not those options do or do not meet their concerns. During this time, if it seems the couple is able to communicate without getting emotional or upset, the mediator keeps quiet. But if a couple gets stumped,, or if emotions and tempers flare, the mediator can choose to step in to keep them on task or provide a suggestion the couple might not have thought of. The couple is encouraged to do most of the leg-work in figuring out how to solve the problems. A mediator’s goal and role is to help identify options, keep discussions on track, minimize unproductive or hostile discussion, and to create and maintain a forward-moving momentum.

During the process the people that have the facts and are best equipped to make decisions – the people in the marriage – have control.

Reaching an Agreement

During the course of the mediation, or when the mediation is completed, a detailed written divorce agreement is drafted. This written agreement, when finalized and signed, is what you have been working towards during the divorce process. A judge will review this agreement in court. . You will need to appear at the final divorce hearing so the judge can review the written agreement. In all successfully mediated cases, the court hearing is an “uncontested hearing” during which a couple presents its agreement to the judge and asks the judge to accept it. After that the divorce is final. It then becomes “the law” between the parties after the divorce. It is now legal and binding, just as it would be if the parties had reached an agreement through the standard process of hiring separate attorneys to represent each of them.

You will need to adhere to the provisions laid out in the divorce agreement regarding child custody and visitation, child support, marital property division, and alimony.

Mediation Just for Friends?

Mediation is also not a process that only works for couples that are “still friends.” A lot of couples that go through the mediation process do not get along, but are able to because of the help of a neutral third-party mediator. This form of communication does however help open up lines of communications while allowing for misunderstandings to get cleared up. Both spouses are encouraged to move forward toward a solution. Still, it’s important for couples to remember that the solution is the goal, rather than opening up old arguments. While you might run into arguments during the session (that’s totally normal) you should not go into the session with plans of reviewing and “solving” old arguments. That is not the purpose of the mediation process. You are there to work towards one goal: a divorce agreement that you both agree to.

When Mediation Doesn’t Work

Often times mediation will not be the answer to your divorce. Chances are that if a couple was not able to get along during the marriage, there are reasons that mediation will not work. If you have met with a mediator and your spouse and are still not able to come to a decision regarding aspects of your marriage, chances are you will need to go the route of a formal divorce process. Do not consider that a failure! Divorce is difficult for everyone, regardless of the process.

A Family Law Attorney

There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce. You and your spouse will need to come to an agreement that settles every aspect of your marriage. Child support, spousal support, marital property division can all be agreed to through the process of mediation. Working with a skilled mediation attorney can help ensure you get a fair case. For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags Divorce, mediation, mediator, spouse

Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce

Divorce and Social Media

Post author By Scott
Post date August 7, 2018

While it might feel therapeutic to take your rage about your ex to social media, there are potential consequences for people that want to vent their unhappiness online. Whether updating a Facebook status to call out an ex-wife, or tweeting raves about a judge’s decision, people use social media platforms to tell the world about their lives… and their divorces.