If Your Friends are Divorcing, You Might be Next
A new study from Brown University, Harvard University, and University California, San Diego might prove that if your friends are divorcing, your marriage might be next.
If Your Friends are Divorcing, You Might be Next
According to a study, titled “Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Unless Everyone Else is Doing it Too,” a marriage is 75 percent more likely end in divorce if a friend of the couple has been divorced or is going through divorce. It doesn’t even have to be a direct friend – a friend of a friend getting divorced ups your odds by 33 percent.
The study also found that if you’re popular, you’re more at risk of a failed marriage.
Luckily, there is good news for those with children – it appears children do not influence the likelihood of divorce according to the study. And having more than one child could reduce your chances of getting divorced at all.
Another Option with Divorce: Collaborative Divorce
When people think of divorce, it’s not uncommon for those thoughts to be filled with anxiety, fear of potential bickering and ill will, and fear of lawyers who will drag things out and create hostility between you as a couple. But divorce doesn’t have to be a traumatic process when you follow the process associated with a collaborative divorce.
Collaborative divorce approaches the divorce process from a different place – a place where you can avoid the court system while putting negotiations and decisions into the hands of the spouses. By utilizing specially trained professionals, opuses are able to come to a decision together.
Collaborative Divorce v. Mediation
Collaborative divorce should not be confused with mediation. In mediation, a couple works with one neutral party. But in collaborative divorce, each spouse has their own team of professionals – including their own attorney, financial advisors, etc. Both spouses and their respective teams meet to identify issues and create solutions. The time it takes to work through the process is heavily dependent on the issues that need to be worked out. The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals did a survey on the duration of the process and found 58 percent of collaborative divorce cases were completed in less than nine months.
The types of professionals you will need for your collaborative divorce team will vary based on the specifics of your divorce. Professionals may include:
- financial neutrals
- child specialists
- mental health professionals
- business valuators
- real estate evaluators
This team can help you emerge with a solid footing following your divorce. “You can tell who’s gone through the collaborative process vs. litigation,” said Amy Wolff, a specialist in the financial issues associated with divorce. “The clients who have used the collaborative option emerge from the process more ready to focus; they can bounce back more quickly.” Approaching divorce with the mindset of it being “collaborative” can help ease the tensions surrounding the divorce process.
Moving forward after divorce means that every day you will need to purposefully carve out time progress and improve . It’s so easy for life to get sucked into the vacuum of a busy schedule. As Professor Harold Hill once said: “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.”
Get Out of Survival Mode
Following your divorce you might find your life is filled with the nonessential and trivial. Do you check your ex-spouse’s Facebook every day to see if he or she is dating someone new? Do you obsess and get frustrated with every communication that comes from your ex? Are you resentful? How are you channeling all these new feelings? Are you just trying to survive?
It’s time to take your life back into your own hands.
It’s not uncommon to realize that you were living your life on someone else’s terms. But everything is in your hands now. With a lot of work and strong intention you can design your future. You have to realize you are responsible and you must decide to make a change. Here are some first steps to making that giant leap into your new life:
- Wake up
- Get yourself in the zone
- Get yourself moving
- Eat well
- Get ready and inspired
- Get perspective
- Do something that will move you forward
Get Enough Sleep
Despite the fact that sleep is just as important for life as eating and drinking water, millions of people do not get enough sleep.
According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 40 million Americans suffer from over 70 different sleep disorders. Additionally, 60 percent of adults and 69 percent of children have one or more sleep problems at least a few nights during a week.
It makes sense then that more than 40 percent of adults experience daytime sleepiness that is severe enough to interfere with daily activities at least a few days every month.
Getting the right amount of sleep can help you have a longer life, increased creativity, memory, attention, and focus. It can help to lower stress and your risk for depression.
Bottom line: you need your beauty sleep.
Find Clarity and Abundance
You need to focus on moving forward toward the positive things in your life. What you set your focus on expands. After waking up from a restful night’s sleep, prayer and meditation can help you orient yourself toward the positive.
Focus on what you are grateful for. This could be the fact that you are out of a relationship and marriage that did not serve you. Maybe you’re just grateful for the fact the sun is shining. There are limitless opportunities and possibilities for you. That air of gratefulness will only draw more positive and good to you.
Start every morning by getting yourself into a space of gratitude and clarity.
Get Some Physical Activity
By now you know you need to get your exercise. Still, according to the Center for Disease Control’s National Health Interview Survey, only one-third of American men and women between the ages of 25 to 64 engage in regular physical activity.
Regular exercise is can decrease your chance of depression, anxiety, and stress. It’s also been linked to higher success in people’s careers. Any form of exercise works: the gym, yard work, cleaning. Just get your body moving and every aspect of your life will thrive.
Eat/Drink 30 Grams of Protein
Eating protein first thing decreases cravings for white carbohydrates (the type of carbs that can make you fat. Donald Layman, professor emeritus of nutrition at the University of Illinois, recommends eating or drinking at least 30 grams of protein for breakfast. In The 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferriss, he recommends getting 30 grams of protein 30 minutes after waking up.
Food rich in protein will help you feel fuller for longer because they take longer for the body to digest. Protein also keeps blood-sugar levels steady, and thus prevents hunger spikes.
According to Ferriss, eat at least 40% of your breakfast calories as protein: two to three whole eggs, turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese. You can also do a protein shake made with water. If you follow a vegetarian or vegan diet you can eat legumes, greens, nuts, and seeds.
Take A Cold Shower
Every morning motivational speaker and life coach Tony Robbins jumps into a 57-degree Fahrenheit swimming pool.
Cold water immersion has been shown to radically facilitate physical and mental wellness with regular practice. It not only changes your body’s immune, lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems, but it can also increase weight-loss because it boosts your metabolism.
A study done in 2007 found that cold water triggers mood-boosting neurochemicals that make people feel happier. The study concluded that because of this, taking cold showers routinely can help treat depression symptoms. Often, cold showers are more effective than prescription medications.
Sure, none of us wants to step into a cold shower, but try to think of it like getting into a swimming pool. The first 20 seconds feels terrible, but once you’ve done it, it’s fine.
Those who do this report feeling an increase in willpower, creativity, motivation, and inspiration.
Do You Have a Life Vision?
If you haven’t written down your short and long-term goals, you should. Just reviewing them a few minutes a day can put your day into perspective. Chances are some things have changed after your divorce. Take some time to re-focus your energy on what you really want to accomplish.
Reading your long-term goals every day will make sure you think about them every day. As you spend your days working towards your goals, they’ll manifest.
There’s a science to achieving goals, which removes the confusion and ambiguity of them. If you stick to a pattern, you can accomplish your goals, regardless of if they are large or small.
Write them down and review them every single day.
A divorce can shatter your life if you let it. So don’t let it.
Every day you can move forward with these steps. Put a plan in place to succeed. Every step on that plan brings you closer to your dreams. Maybe that means finally having a day where you don’t feel guilty or sad about your divorce. Maybe it’s a day of less resentment. Maybe it’s a day where you focus on getting healthy by preparing a good meal for yourself.
Making small steps every day like the ones outlined above will change your life. And as a result, the universe will respond to you in beautiful ways.
Working with a Family Law Attorney
Whatever your reason is for divorce, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Khalaf Law Group will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Ted Khalaf will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.
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