Category: Child Custody

Divorce Law LA blog posts about child custody.

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Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Jenna Dewan is Moving Forward

We all knew her as Jenna Dewan Tatum – now she’s minus the “Tatum” and talking about her life after divorce from ex-husband Channing.

Jenna Dewan is Moving Forward

In April, after nearly nine years of marriage, Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum, announced they were separating. In a recent interview, Dewan reveals that her new life has become “a new normal where there is a lot of love.”

The two are figuring out co-parenting their 4-year-old daughter, Everly. “We’re just getting used to it. We’re in a very positive energy together, trying to be the best parents to Everly,” the World of Dance star said. “We support each other.”

“The moves I’m making are completely not related to my marriage or separation, interestingly enough. I was always very happy being a wife. Those feelings [Who are you? What do you want to give to the world? What excites you?] started bubbling up for me, naturally…so I really wanted to expand my life, and myself. And that was my journey, no one else’s,” she said.
“I feel a sense of joy and freedom and excitement, truly, about a new chapter in my life. And I have no attachments to how that’s going to look, or what that’s going to be. I feel really open, and I feel hopeful.”

After Divorce

After getting divorced it can take some time for your life to resettle. What was a crazy tumultuous time will, without a doubt, remain that way for a while. This can be especially true if you have kids and are now part of a co-parenting couple. But as Hollywood has shown us, there are ways that you can move forward after your divorce.

Moving forward after divorce means that every day you will need to purposefully carve out time progress and improve . It’s so easy for life to get sucked into the vacuum of a busy schedule. As Professor Harold Hill once said: “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.”

Get Out of Survival Mode

Following your divorce you might find your life is filled with the nonessential and trivial. Do you check your ex-spouse’s Facebook every day to see if he or she is dating someone new? Do you obsess and get frustrated with every communication that comes from your ex? Are you resentful? How are you channeling all these new feelings? Are you just trying to survive?

It’s time to take your life back into your own hands.

It’s not uncommon to realize that you were living your life on someone else’s terms. But everything is in your hands now. With a lot of work and strong intention you can design your future. You have to realize you are responsible and you must decide to make a change. Here are some first steps to making that giant leap into your new life:

  • Wake up
  • Get yourself in the zone
  • Get yourself moving
  • Eat well
  • Get ready and inspired
  • Get perspective
  • Do something that will move you forward

Get Enough Sleep

Despite the fact that sleep is just as important for life as eating and drinking water, millions of people do not get enough sleep.

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 40 million Americans suffer from over 70 different sleep disorders. Additionally, 60 percent of adults and 69 percent of children have one or more sleep problems at least a few nights during a week.

It makes sense then that more than 40 percent of adults experience daytime sleepiness that is severe enough to interfere with daily activities at least a few days every month.

Getting the right amount of sleep can help you have a longer life, increased creativity, memory, attention, and focus. It can help to lower stress and your risk for depression.

Bottom line: you need your beauty sleep.

Find Clarity and Abundance

You need to focus on moving forward toward the positive things in your life. What you set your focus on expands. After waking up from a restful night’s sleep, prayer and meditation can help you orient yourself toward the positive.

Focus on what you are grateful for. This could be the fact that you are out of a relationship and marriage that did not serve you. Maybe you’re just grateful for the fact the sun is shining. There are limitless opportunities and possibilities for you. That air of gratefulness will only draw more positive and good to you.

Start every morning by getting yourself into a space of gratitude and clarity.

Get Some Physical Activity

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By now you know you need to get your exercise. Still, according to the Center for Disease Control’s National Health Interview Survey, only one-third of American men and women between the ages of 25 to 64 engage in regular physical activity.

Regular exercise is can decrease your chance of depression, anxiety, and stress. It’s also been linked to higher success in people’s careers. Any form of exercise works: the gym, yard work, cleaning. Just get your body moving and every aspect of your life will thrive.

Eat/Drink 30 Grams of Protein

Eating protein first thing decreases cravings for white carbohydrates (the type of carbs that can make you fat. Donald Layman, professor emeritus of nutrition at the University of Illinois, recommends eating or drinking at least 30 grams of protein for breakfast. In The 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferriss, he recommends getting 30 grams of protein 30 minutes after waking up.

Food rich in protein will help you feel fuller for longer because they take longer for the body to digest. Protein also keeps blood-sugar levels steady, and thus prevents hunger spikes.

According to Ferriss, eat at least 40% of your breakfast calories as protein: two to three whole eggs, turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese. You can also do a protein shake made with water. If you follow a vegetarian or vegan diet you can eat legumes, greens, nuts, and seeds.

Take A Cold Shower

Every morning motivational speaker and life coach Tony Robbins jumps into a 57-degree Fahrenheit swimming pool.

Cold water immersion has been shown to radically facilitate physical and mental wellness with regular practice. It not only changes your body’s immune, lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems, but it can also increase weight-loss because it boosts your metabolism.

A study done in 2007 found that cold water triggers mood-boosting neurochemicals that make people feel happier. The study concluded that because of this, taking cold showers routinely can help treat depression symptoms. Often, cold showers are more effective than prescription medications.

Sure, none of us wants to step into a cold shower, but try to think of it like getting into a swimming pool. The first 20 seconds feels terrible, but once you’ve done it, it’s fine.

Those who do this report feeling an increase in willpower, creativity, motivation, and inspiration.

Do You Have a Life Vision? 

If you haven’t written down your short and long-term goals, you should. Just reviewing them a few minutes a day can put your day into perspective. Chances are some things have changed after your divorce. Take some time to re-focus your energy on what you really want to accomplish.

Reading your long-term goals every day will make sure you think about them every day. As you spend your days working towards your goals, they’ll manifest.

There’s a science to achieving goals, which removes the confusion and ambiguity of them. If you stick to a pattern, you can accomplish your goals, regardless of if they are large or small.

Write them down and review them every single day.

Moving Forward

A divorce can shatter your life if you let it. So don’t let it.

Every day you can move forward with these steps. Put a plan in place to succeed. Every step on that plan brings you closer to your dreams. Maybe that means finally having a day where you don’t feel guilty or sad about your divorce. Maybe it’s a day of less resentment. Maybe it’s a day where you focus on getting healthy by preparing a good meal for yourself.

Making small steps every day like the ones outlined above will change your life. And as a result, the universe will respond to you in beautiful ways.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

Whatever your reason is for divorce, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Low and High Impact Divorce Impacts Children

The Adobe Image Library ©1998 Adobe Systems Incorporated Silhouette of man and woman fighting

Low-impact and low-conflict divorces can often have more damaging effects on children than high-conflict and high-impact divorces.

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us, but in some marriages, the signs of divorce can be hard to spot for children. If you and your spouse have always had a low-conflict marriage, where there is little yelling, it can be hard for a child to understand where a divorce is coming from.

Dr. Paul Amato, a sociologist at Penn State University, and Alan Booth, also from Penn State, did a study a number of years ago on 2,000 divorcing parents and 700 children of divorcing parents. What they found is that, “From the child’s perspective, there is no evidence that anything is drastically wrong,” says Dr. Booth. “It is an unexpected, uncontrollable and unwelcome event where one parent leaves the home and the other is overwhelmed with the demands of single parenthood and a lowered standard of living.”

Dr. Booth suggests that marriages in which there are high amounts of conflict can actually be more beneficial to children because it can feel as if there is finally an end to a hostile situation. While we are never ones to argue for high conflict, it can make more “sense” to a child.

Whatever the reason or type of divorce you are going through, whether high or low impact, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions. This means learning how to co-parent with your  ex-spouse.

co-parenting-rights-1

 

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

 

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum: Learning How to Co-Parent

Like most separated celebrity couples, Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum are keeping the focus on their child during their divorce.

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum: Learning How to Co-Parent

As their marriage comes to an end, the Step Up costars are making an extra effort to keep things as normal as possible for their 4-year-old daughter Everly.

As a source close to the couple recently made this comment:

“They will continue to be the best parents to Everly. Like other couples, they have had arguments and disagreements, but they were always very conscious about giving their daughter lots of love and a great life… The fact that they get along is everything.”

As we all know, divorce and figuring out how to co-parent is not uncommon for celebrities – just look at some of this advice from other celebrities:

Miranda Kerr: “We decided as a family it was the right decision for Flynn, so Orlando [Bloom] and I both relocated and we live five minutes from each other … Everything revolves around my son and his welfare.”

Gwenyth Paltrow: “I think, unfortunately, even though we couldn’t stay in a romantic relationship, our values are very much around the importance of family and the importance of those relationships and I’m lucky that we’re aligned in that way. And it’s been hard, and you know, we’ve gone through really difficult times with it, but we’ve always said these children are our priority.”

Ryan Phillipe: “You have to get to that point as a divorced parent, as any parent, where you’re not putting yourself first. You want the kids’ experience to be its own and not like, ‘Well, I need to have my time!’ We have been very good about that.”

Drew Barrymore: “It really is about the tone you set. And you can talk until you’re blue in the face, but kids watch what you do every single day of your life, all day long, and that behavior and that example and that love and community and honesty is just, I think, what’s making everything feel safe for my kids and that’s really the intention I had as a parent.”

Jennifer Lopez: “Marc [Anthony] and I are very good friends, we’re very supportive. I feel it’s my responsibility as a mom when their dad is not there to let them know that their dad loves them very much because that’s the doubt that they have when he’s not around or they haven’t seen him. That’s my job to do that the same way it’s his job when he’s with them to say, ‘Mommy is working and she loves you.’”

Divorce and Co-Parenting

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us. We become the 14-year-old girl or boy obsessing about every little thing. This can be especially true if there is any residual hurt due to a person leaving, or cheating, or falling out of love. Yes, it hurts, and it sucks, but whatever the reason for your divorce, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions.

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully, this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

co-parenting-rights-1

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment, and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

wistful

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce High Net-Worth Divorce

Matt Lauer Now Facing Divorce

After being fired from his job as host of The Today Show following sexual misconduct allegations, it appears Matt Lauer is now facing another hurdle – divorce.

Matt Lauer Now Facing Divorce

According to a source close to the 60-year-old former Today show anchor, Matt Lauer is having a tough time during his divorce proceedings from Annete Roque. Lauer was abruptly fired from the NBC morning show last November due to “inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace.” Since the firing, he has been trying to keep a low key profile in the Hamptons and is also in the process of selling his 11-bedroom Manhattan apartment.

“Matt cut himself off from the life he knew in Manhattan and has remained for the most part isolated,” the source said. “He looks exhausted. Matt is finally coming to terms with the reality that his marriage is over and he is in bad shape. He feels he lost everything important in his life overnight. He is embarrassed and ashamed.”

Divorce proceedings are moving forward. The two share three children together — Jack, 16, Romy, 14, and Thijs, 11.

“Annette plans to receive a very good settlement in this divorce,” the source claims. “She wants to make sure she and the children will always be well taken care of.”

As for Lauer, the source says he is remorseful.

“Matt feels terrible and regrets his behavior but his regret isn’t enough right now,” the source says. “It feels like all doors have closed for him.”

Several Approaches to Filing Your Divorce

You’ve done the hard part: made the decision to file for divorce. But what next? There are various ways you can file for divorce, also known as a “dissolution of marriage. Below we outline several ways to approach a divorce. How you proceed will be specific to you and your spouse’s situation.

Depending on your situation you will file one of these forms of divorce:

UNCONTESTED DISSOLUTION – Both you and your spouse agree on all issues of property, debts, custody, and support. You are both enter into an agreement to all issues.

CONTESTED DISSOLUTION – Either you or your spouse, or both of you do not agree to issues regarding property, debts, custody, and support. You will be required to go before a judge so that he or she can make judgments regarding these issues as well as ensure all documents of agreement are appropriately prepared and signed off on.

SUMMARY DISSOLUTION – You and your spouse have been married for less than 5 years, have no children, no assets, no debts, and both parties are in agreement about signing the divorce petition.

PUBLICATION OF SUMMONS – When the filing party does not know the whereabouts for the other spouse, and has no way to contact them, it is necessary for the spouse to publish a divorce declaration in a local newspaper for 4 consecutive weeks to be able to proceed with the divorce filing.

Collaborative Divorce

When people think of divorce, it’s not uncommon for those thoughts to be filled with anxiety, fear of potential bickering and ill will, and fear of lawyers who will drag things out and create hostility between you as a couple. But divorce doesn’t have to be a traumatic process when you follow the process associated with a collaborative divorce.

Collaborative divorce approaches the divorce process from a different place – a place where you can avoid the court system while putting negotiations and decisions into the hands of the spouses. By utilizing specially trained professionals, opuses are able to come to a decision together.

Collaborative Divorce v. Mediation

Collaborative divorce should not be confused with mediation. In mediation, a couple works with one neutral party. But in collaborative divorce, each spouse has their own team of professionals – including their own attorney, financial advisors, etc. Both spouses and their respective teams meet to identify issues and create solutions.  The time it takes to work through the process is heavily dependent on the issues that need to be worked out. The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals did a survey on the duration of the process and found 58 percent of collaborative divorce cases were completed in less than nine months.

Professionals

The types of professionals you will need for your collaborative divorce team will vary based on the specifics of your divorce. Professionals may include:

  • financial neutrals
  • child specialists
  • mental health professionals
  • business valuators
  • real estate evaluators

This team can help you emerge with a solid footing following your divorce. “You can tell who’s gone through the collaborative process vs. litigation,” said Amy Wolff, a specialist in the financial issues associated with divorce. “The clients who have used the collaborative option emerge from the process more ready to focus; they can bounce back more quickly.” Approaching divorce with the mindset of it being “collaborative” can help ease the tensions surrounding the divorce process.

Another Option – Legal Separation

While divorce might seem like the only option, remember that legal separation is also available. Legal separation allows couples to live apart and take a “break” from each other, while also ensuring that each spouse’s legal rights are protected via a legal separation agreement. Legal separations can also be called: “judicial separation”, “separate maintenance”, “divorce a mensa et thoro“, or “divorce from bed-and-board.” All these terms refer to the legal process by which a married couple formalizes a de facto separation while remaining legally married.

Formal Legal Separation Agreement

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It’s always advised that you sign a formal legal separation agreement. This agreement outlines child support and visitation, property division, and any other aspect of a marriage.  An attorney will be able to prepare this legal and binding document. This will offer you legal protection should your spouse fail to live up to his or her obligations and will also also hold up in court.

The following should be included in the legal separation agreement:

Spousal Support

Benefits – With legal separation spouses are able to retain certain benefits that were available during the marriage, such as health insurance.

Home Residency – If a couple shares a home, it should be decided at this time what will happen to the residency during the separation. The agreement should include information regarding who is able to live in the home, who is responsible for maintaining the home, and who is financially handling the home.

Joint Accounts – A legal separation agreement outlines who has access to those joint accounts such as joint checking, savings, and credit accounts. It’s often advised to close or freeze these accounts during the separation. Each spouse will then need to obtain their own personal accounts.

Protection from Acquired Debt – A legal separation agreement will shield you from being responsible for debt acquired during the time of the legal separation.

Why Pursue Legal Separation?

There are advantages with legal separation, including:

  • Spouses are able to maintain benefits such as a spouse’s health care plan or military benefits.
  • Staying legally married for 10 years allows couples certain social security benefits.
  • The separation period allows for a “cool off time,” during which parties can work to resolve their differences. Couples can then decide to either pursue a divorce or resume the marriage.
  • In some religions divorce is not allowed or recognized. Legal separation allows these religious couples to live separate lives while still remaining married and true their faith.
  • Legal separation can be used to solve immediate problems in couples who are uncertain about moving forward with divorce.

Steps to Follow for Legal Separation

Here are the steps you will take to acquire a legal separation:

  • Consider working with a family law attorney that can advise you on all the necessary steps of your legal separation.
  • You and your spouse will need to decide on grounds for the separation
  • Fill out a Form FL-100 Petition. This form includes options for divorce (dissolution of marriage) or legal separation.
  • If you have children under 18, you will need to complete Form FL-105/GC-120 which provides information to the court regarding children.
  • File Form FL-100 at your local county court. Pay any necessary fees. If you receive public benefits or have low income, you might be eligible for a fee waiver.
  • Serve your spouse with a copy of the court papers if they were not filed together. There will need to be proof of the serving, which can be done through various means such as a process server. A family law attorney can advise you on how to obtain this proof.

Still Considering Divorce?

If following your legal separation you and your spouse decide to move forward with a divorce, you will still need to file a divorce petition and go through the formal divorce process. Since a legal separation agreement has already been created and you mutually agree all aspects of your marriage, chances are you will be able to file an uncontested divorce. If there are still unresolved issues, you might decide you need a court’s help to come to a decision. It’s important to remember though that just because you are legally separated, that does not mean you are officially divorced. A judge will need to sign off on the final divorce papers and agreement before you can declare yourself “single.”

Working with a Divorce Attorney

It’s always advised that you consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law

Will Bird-Nesting Work For Your Family?

When a couple that shares kids decides to divorce, one of the hardest things to determine is where the kids will live. A recent trend that has proven to work is called “bird-nesting.” This is when a couple keeps one home for their children and take turns living in it. As with everything, you’ll want to weigh the pros and cons of this living situation.

Will Bird-Nesting Work For Your Family?

There are both upsides and downsides if you want to try this for your family. We discuss the pros and cons below.

PROS

Bird-nesting can be positive for a number of reasons – both emotionally and financially.

Couples are able to disentangle themselves from the marriage while still keeping the kids in a familiar environment. Additionally, bird-nesting allows for time to pass if you want to wait for the value of your home to go up or for a lease to expire.

Bird nesting is also beneficial for some couples because it allows them time to disentangle themselves from their marriage or partnership.

CONS

The situation can be difficult financially though – as parents will need to pay for maintaining one central home, as well as paying to live in two separate living quarters for when each parent is not in the home.

Bird nesting can be a tougher arrangement for couples not on the same page. Additionally, schedules can get in the way. For example – if a parent works from home while the other goes to a place of work all day, it can become hard to manage.

 

 

To Keep in Mind

The main objective of co-parenting is to make sure that the children are comfortable. That’s where bird-nesting can really be helpful. You’ll also need to make sure there is a clear plan for how all of the expenses will be shared, including mortgage, taxes and insurance. You’ll also want to be clear about how maintenance should be handled.

 

You will also want to set clear rules for behavior in the home. Those rules should include not talking negatively about the other parent and the extent to which new significant others will be allowed in the home.

Forms of Custody

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually, if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parents has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including: education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including: joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Learning to Co-Parent

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

co-parenting-rights-1

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

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Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

Divorce Law LA

For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Paternity

Why You Might Want to Prove Paternity

There are numerous reasons for why you would seek to prove the paternity of your child‘s father. These reasons are not just for being able to receive child support. Being able to legally prove paternity also opens the door to the ability of your child receiving legal rights to social security or Veteran’s benefits, or possible inheritance – in the event that the birth father passes away.

Paternity Defined

Paternity is “the state or condition of being a father.” It’s important to establish this for numerous reasons – we will go into this further below – but either the mother or the father of the child may file the Petition to Establish Parental Relationship of a child. When paternity is established (should it not be evident) through a paternity test, a court will make decisions on the issues of child custody, child support, and child visitation.

Reasons for a Paternity Test

Financial

It can be hard to raise a child on one income. A mother seeking child support compensation will need to prove that the man she is seeking child support payments from is actually the father.

Un-Located Fathers

Often times a woman seeking child support will have to deal with a father that cannot be located. Most states have measures in place to track down these fathers that claim they are not the father.  Once a man is located, a court will issue a paternity test to determine if the man is the father. This will then determine if the man needs to provide child support.

Helpful for Fathers

Paternity tests determine if a child is yours or not.  If you are unsure of your paternity, a paternity test is the only way you will be able to legally say you do not need to make child support payments.

A Note About At-Home Paternity Tests

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While many “at-home” paternity tests exist, only tests taken in court-approved locations can be deemed as legally official. These paternity tests require an approved official, such as a laboratory employee, to collect DNA. The test cannot be handled by either parent in order to prevent possible tampering.

Establishing Paternity

To establish paternity, you will need to do the following:

  • If you were married to your husband when your child was born, it is legally assumed that you are the legal father.
  • If you were not married when your child was born, you must legally determine the father of the child through a court-approved paternity test. This test will be the definitive answer on paternity.

Prove Paternity Cases

When parents are unmarried at the time of conception or birth of a child it can be difficult to establish paternal rights through a paternity case. Because these types of cases can be complex, it helps to consult an experienced family law attorney. Below are some legal guidelines for paternity cases.

California Family Code section 7570

California Family Code section 7570 states “there is a compelling state interest in establishing paternity for all children.” This is because “establishing paternity is the first step toward a child support award.” Paternity is used as basis for child custody and visitation orders. A father’s paternity must be determined in order for the child to receive the following: health insurance, social security, military benefits, and inheritance rights. The code states, “knowing one’s father is important to a child’s development.”

California’s Procedure For Voluntary Paternity

California has an established procedure for establishing voluntary paternity. When a child is born and the parents are unmarried, the parents are able to sign a Declaration of Paternity that establishes they are the legal parents of the child. Signing this form is completely voluntary for both parents.

This declaration can be signed at the hospital when the child is born. If signed at the hospital, the father’s name will go on the child’s birth certificate. This means that the mother does not need to go to court to prove who the father of the child is.

You are not obligated to sign the letter at the hospital. But, if the parents decide to sign this form after the child’s birth certificate has been issued, a new birth certificate will need to be issued with the father’s name.

Signing this form when you are unmarried parents saves both parties, as well as the court, time and money when it comes to determining paternity.

Child Custody

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

1. Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

2. Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including: education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

3. Joint Custody

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Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including: joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Joint Child Custody Arrangements

Joint Child Custody can take various forms, such as:

joint legal custody – where the parents share the decision-making responsibilities.

joint physical custody – where children spend time with each parent separately.

joint legal and physical custody – a combination of the above.

Joint Child Custody – Advantages and Disadvantages

There are advantages and disadvantages to joint child custody. While it ensures children continue contact with both parents, children still need to be shuttled from one parent to the other. This can be a difficult situation for non-cooperative parents, and thus can be a hard situation for children stuck in the middle. Regardless of if parents are cooperative or non-cooperative, it’s crucial that all financial records of groceries, finances associated with a child’s after school activities, medical care, and clothing are kept. In cases where parents argue about these things, a judge will appreciate finely detailed records. If parents can maintain a positive parenting schedule and approach, and keep the child’s best interests in mind, joint custody can be a positive and comforting experience for a child.

4. Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parented that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parents has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Filing For Sole Custody

While most courts favor joint custody, if you feel the parent you share a child with is unfit you can file for sole child custody of your child. Here are the steps to do so.

File Correct Forms

You’ll want to either work with a court clerk or your family law attorney to determine which forms you’ll want to use when petitioning for sole child custody. The type of petition you file is dependent on your specific circumstances. Here are some examples of petitions to file:

  • petition to update existing child custody orders
  • petition to establish custody
  • petition to establish paternity and install custody

Make sure your family law attorney reviews all forms prior to your submission. This will ensure everything is filed correctly and in the way that will ensure the outcome you want. Make a copy for yourself and for the other parent. The court will keep the original.

Get a Mediation or Hearing Date

Once your sole child custody petition is filed, you will get a date for either a mediation session or court date. Both you and the other parent need to be present at this date in order to meet a final agreement regarding the child’s custody.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

The first thing you should do if you are seeking paternity or having to deal with custody disputes is hire a family law lawyer that works with child custody cases. A lawyer will be able to help you decide your best course of action based on your situation. Additionally, it’s important to remember that filing for child custody does not necessarily mean you get child support. But a child custody order does not automatically give you child support.

For advice on child custody or child support, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

 

 

 

Categories
Child Custody Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law

Anna Faris Talks About Co-Parenting

When Anna Faris and Chris Pratt announced their decision to divorce, they also noted that they would continue to put the well-being of their son Jack first.

Anna Faris Talks About Co-Parenting

Chris Pratt filed for divorce from Anna Faris in December 2017, just four months after the couple announced they would be separating. The couple’s commitment to their five-year-old son, Jack is obvious in everything they do.

“He’s surrounded by so much love,” Faris shared during a recent interview. “We constantly reinforce what a great kid he is.”

Anna, 41, went on to say they “try to discipline when he’s being a little bit naughty but I think the key is surrounding him with a lot of joy and happiness, which he has a ton of.”

She continued, “I think it’s those small moments in life, when your kid says something funny or like for me, I love what I do so I get a kick out of feeling like I nailed a joke well. And family and friends!”

Learning to Co-Parent

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

co-parenting-rights-1

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

Divorce Law LA

For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Divorce Family Law

Bethenny Frankel Suing for Child Custody

Bethenny Frankel, star of the Real Housewives of New York City, is suing her ex for full custody of the couple’s 7-year-old daughter.

Bethenny Frankel Suing for Child Custody

Bethenny Frankel, the mogul behind the Skinny Girl brand and star of the Real Housewives of New York City, is suing ex-husband Jason Hoppy for full custody of their 7-year-old daughter, Bryn.

This custody battle comes two months after the exes reached a resolution in the harassment and stalking charges that Frankel had brought against him after he was arrested for allegedly threatening her at Bryn’s school last January.

A spokesperson for the New York District Attorney’s confirmed that Hoppy agreed to a plea deal involving an ACD (a family adjournment in contemplation of dismissal) to settle the harassment charges.

As part of the ACD, Hoppy will need to comply with Frankel’s order of protection for six months. That means during that six months Hoppy must have no communication with her, and must stay away from her home and place of business.

In the meantime, it appears Frankel will be suing Hoppy for full custody. The couple is due in court in January for trial.

Frankel and Hoppy Divorce

Frankel and Hoppy, both 47, finalized their divorce in July 2016 after announcing their split in 2013. Frankel herself admitted the divorce had “gone on way too long.”

“I feel like I’m on the 18th hole of the golf round now. I feel like we’re here,” she said at the time. “I feel like I survived something. When it all shakes down, I’ll be a woman who has not kind of just felt backed into a corner. I stayed strong and I did what was best for myself, my daughter, for women.”

During an episode of the Bravo TV show she is famous for, she expressed her feelings about the divorce. “I don’t know why I’m being punished this way,” she said. “My custody situation is over, my financial settlement is over, my apartment is sold, and yet I sometimes feel hopeless. And I sometimes feel like my ex is untouchable and I’m not going to be able to get out of this.”

Frankel has also said the only thing that would free her from Hoppy’s alleged torment would be to move forward with a “zero contact” solution.

“Any resolution is legally mandated, and I’m fine with that,” she said. “I don’t care what happens, I have faith that somehow I will be able to live a normal free life. But it has to be with zero contact. Because with any contact, this will not end.”

Frankel insisted Bryn was not aware of what was going on between her parents.

“[Bryn’s] very pure and innocent and happy and she doesn’t really understand what a reality television show is, much less the things [we’re] talking about,” Frankel said. “It’s extremely advanced and complicated. I live in a house alone with my daughter when I have her. So there’s no pressure at all. She’s very isolated in her life and she’s very happy.”

“I’m definitely at my happiest when I’m with [her],” she added. “She is the sweetest, nicest person. Just going to the beach. The simple things in life. Those are the happy moments.”

If you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse share children, you’ll want to know what options you have when it comes to child custody. Often times child custody disputes are responsible for drawing out divorce paperwork. As always, it’s advised that you work with a family law attorney to help settle your divorce.

Reviewing Your Child Custody Options

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually, if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parent has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually, if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Preparing for Your Child Custody Case Hearing

One you have filed your petition to be granted sole child custody you will receive a date for either a mediation session or a court hearing. You’ll want to be prepared going into this meeting. Here are some steps to prepare.

Work with Your Family Law Attorney

Your family law attorney will help you prepare for the mediation or court hearing. If you have been working with a family law attorney up to this point, chances are you have already built your case for why the other parent is unfit to raise the child or children you share. If you have not been working with a family law attorney, you will need to gather evidence of this on your own. We’ll discuss this more in depth further below.

Serve the Other Parent

After the petition has been filed, you’ll need to let the other parent know that you have done so and that you are requesting that a change be made to the current custody agreement. You can either work with your family law attorney to have the notification served, or work with a service company or the courthouse to have this done.  Once the notification is served, the person who served the papers will need to provide you with proof that the other parent has been made aware. This is called “Proof of Service.” You’ll need to provide this to the court.

Preparing Evidence

law generic

Family law courts prefer to award joint custody to both parents. Because of this, you will need to prove that the other parent is unfit and unable to handle custody of your child. This may be proven a number of ways. Here are a few examples:

  • A history of abuse or neglect. Are there any police reports that have been filed against the other parent? Are there other pieces of evidence? Are there witnesses that can corroborate your story?
  • Lifestyle. Does the other parent have a job? Is it a steady job that can ensure the other parent is able to financially take care of the child? Where does the other parent live? Is it a safe environment?
  • Emotional and physical health. Is the other parent physically and mentally able to care for the child?

Once you have prepared all your evidence, either on your own or with the help of a family law attorney, you will be ready for the mediation or court hearing. If during the mediation session you are unable to come to an agreement, then the case will need to go before a judge. Hopefully, either through mediation or the court hearing, you will then be granted with sole child custody.

It should be noted that if a parent strongly disagrees with how the court has decided on the custody case, there is always an option to appeal.

Appealing Child Custody Decisions

Child custody cases are difficult due to the nature of the subject. A family law court will always rule in the best interest of the child. It’s important to note that an appeals court will not review a case just because one party disagrees with what the judge decided. If you feel your child custody agreement was arrived at because the court made a substantive error (either procedural or legal) you are able to appeal the court’s decision. Here’s how to appeal a child custody ruling.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

Working with a family law attorney will help you prove your case. In the case of appealing an already decided agreement, the family law attorney will need to prove that the previous decision was arrived at inaccurately due to a legal error or a procedural error.

Rules of Your Jurisdiction

Every state has different rules that given child custody cases and appeals. A family law attorney will be familiar with the rules of your specific jurisdiction and will be able to help guide you through the process. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you will need to research the rules on your own. These jurisdiction rules govern what your timeline is for filing an appeal to your child custody case, as well as exact guidelines for what should be contained in the petition to appeal. You can find these rules online or at your local courthouse.

Prepare an Appellate Petition

Next, you will need to prepare an appellate petition. This petition outlines why you are appealing the current child custody decision, as well as lists the errors that the lower court made when deciding on your child custody decision. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you might want to have the petition you fill out reviewed by one, just to ensure it has been done correctly. Next, you will file this petition with the court, as well as have a notification of the filing served to your opposing party.

Review of Appellate Petition

The court will then review the appellate petition and decide whether or not to hear your child custody appeal. If the court decides to hear your case, you will need to prepare a brief that explains your reasons for appealing the initial child custody agreement. This brief should include the lower court’s rules, case law, and all the facts that were presented in the initial custody hearing. A judge will review this and offer a final decision.

When parents live in different locations, either different states, countries, or even towns, the issue of child custody can become very difficult. It’s not uncommon for parents to request move away court orders.

Working with A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to child custody decisions, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered, namely the best interests of the child, but also what type of custody you are hoping to acheive. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Marital Property Division Spousal Support

Financial Freedom After Divorce

Divorce is scary to face. A million questions will be asked before any answers are found. You will need to start a new life, and the tolls of that will not only be emotional, but also financial. Regardless of if you are receiving child support and alimony, or paying child support and alimony, you will need to learn what it means to be on your own.

Luckily, others have gone before you an can advise you on how to get through this tough time. While family and friends are great for support, they are not the ones to talk to about your financial future. You’ll want to consult with professionals familiar with re-structuring finances after divorces.

Advise from Financial Professionals

As you move forward in your new life there will be a number of things you need to change: weekend schedules if you have children, perhaps addresses, maybe even your employer if you have to go back to work or get a higher paying job. There are going to be a number of unanswered questions. You don’t have to answer them all immediately, but chances are, you’ll need to answer them sooner rather than later. Here are some things to consider when it comes to your finances after divorce.

Figure Out a Budget 
You might not have been the spouse in charge of the finances before. Now that you’re on your own, you’re going to have to be. This can be difficult if you’ve never taken care of a checking account. According to certified divorce financial analyst Eva Sachs, the first step toward financial independence is balancing your income with your expenses. So how do you do that? she advises that you sit down and figure out how much money is coming in (this will vary depending on what side of alimony and child support payments you’re on). After you figure this out you’ll need to assess how much of what is coming in is being spent on living expenses.

money and divorce

“Think of it as a spending plan rather than a budget,” says Sachs. “Knowing where your money goes is key, especially after divorce. There will be many new expenses you might not have thought about prior to your divorce; this is a critical time to refrain from spending money you don’t have.”

It might be helpful to write everything down until you have a clear picture. This will give you an up-close look at your financial habits. If you’ve never done this before, this might be a shock. It’s good to know where you can tighten up, or loosen up so that you can budget accordingly.

Change Your Beneficiaries and Will
Emily McBurney, an attorney and qualified domestic relations orders (QDRO) expert, says that somewhere at the top of your to-do list should be updating the beneficiary on your life insurance and retirement accounts.

“Review all of your accounts and insurance policies and change the beneficiaries. A divorce does not automatically terminate your former spouse’s rights to be the beneficiary on your retirement plans, bank accounts, and life insurance policies –- even though your divorce decree might say that your former spouse has waived all rights to the benefits,” she says. “You will need to formally submit a change of beneficiary form to each financial institution. Otherwise, the benefit will be paid to whoever is listed on their forms at the time of your death — regardless of your divorce.”

In addition to this, you’ll also want to revise your will, according to certified divorce financial analyst Donna Cheswick.

“Meet with an estate planning attorney to discuss your state’s laws regarding possible updates to your will, power of attorney and advanced directives,” she advises. “You want to be sure that your former spouse is no longer entitled to any distribution in the event of your death. And if your settlement agreement requires one party to maintain life insurance on the other, then there needs to be a method in place to be sure this is actually occurring. Just because the former spouse says they will do something, doesn’t mean that they are following through.”

During your marriage it made obvious sense that your spouse would be entitled to everything, but now, they are definitely not. You will need to check and then double check that all your financial and important paperwork is in your name and the names of the people that you designate, whether they be other family members or your children.

Rainy Day Fund

Now that you don’t have a spouse to lean on in times of trouble – loss of job, medical emergency, unplanned home expense – you’ll want to create your own rainy day fund. Any unexpected hits to your bank account will need to be covered by you and solely you. Protect yourself, says Sachs. She recommends creating an emergency fund you can continue adding to when you have the chance.

“An emergency fund should equal three to six months of your living expenses,” she says. “If you can swing it, I recommend six months because you’re now single and need an even bigger cushion if you are not able to work or an emergency occurs.”

Make Sure Assets Have Been Transferred

The papers are signed, your divorce is final, you can consider it over. Think again. According to Cheswick, the divorce may be finalized but your work isn’t really complete until you’ve ensured the assets awarded in the settlement have been distributed. Make sure all your t’s are crossed and i’s dotted before you skip along to singledom. Just because things have been agreed to in a settlement, that doesn’t necessarily mean they will automatically happen.

“I can’t tell you the number of people who will contact me months (and unfortunately even years) after their divorce is finalized and there are still outstanding items which have not been resolved,” Cheswick says. “Remember that the agreement is a legally binding contract that you both signed and agreed to uphold. If one party is failing to comply with the terms of the contract then the other party has every right to take steps to ensure their compliance including going back to court to have the agreement enforced.”

pasadena-collaborative-law-divorce-mediation-lawyer

 

Enlist a Professional

It might seem like another financial burden to use a certified divorce financial planner during your divorce. In addition to legal fees it can feel like yet another financial expense. But a financial planner can save you a lot of headaches while also setting you up for a bright financial future, according to McBurney.

“Most financial mistakes that people make during and after divorce could easily have been avoided if they had sought professional assistance,” she says. “Financial planners can help you figure out how to live within your new financial realities post-divorce and develop strategies for building back your financial security. And tax advisors and CPAs can help you avoid making expensive (and very common!) tax mistakes (related to things like asset transfers, retirement, spousal and child support).”

Retirement

Retirement can be a difficult thing to face during divorce. Chances are you imagined yourself and your spouse sitting on an amazing porch, sipping lemonade, and reminiscing about your children. Just because your spouse is no longer in the equation, that doesn’t mean that you need to abandon your dream retirement life. As Sachs advises, now that the divorce process is almost finalized, look to your future and start to maximize your retirement savings.

“Don’t let divorce stop you from planning for your future,” she says, “Investing in your 401K plan will allow you to save for retirement. You can begin by saving a small amount each week and then let it build slowly or make payroll contributions that match your employer contributions. Don’t stop thinking of the future!”

Just because your future plans have changed, that doesn’t mean it can’t be a bright one. Be smart about your finances and you’ll find the financial freedom you need to help you move on and start a new life.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

As with anything regarding your divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… you should consult a family law attorney. A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

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