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Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law Move Aways (Child Relocation)

Child Visitation Over the Summer

With the 4th of July and the summer just peeking ’round the corner, you might be facing the dilemma that comes with coordinating child visitation during the summer season.

Child Visitation Over the Summer

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There’s no reason why coordinating your child visitation schedule should add stress to the summer holiday season. There are some critical steps that need to be taken to ensure a stress-free custody situation. Before the season kicks off, reflect on which holiday is most important – whether it be Kwanza, Christmas, or Thanksgiving, 4th of July, or Easter. There will have to be some form of give-and-take, but if you can prioritize the holidays for yourself you might find you’re willing to negotiate a little easier. If both you and your co-parent value the same holiday the same amount, you should consider trading off the years. If you live close enough, and it’s not going to cause any drama, you might even want to split the day.

Get the Child Visitation Schedule in Writing Ahead of Time

Like most things with the holidays, managing a child visitation schedule closer to the actual holiday can add to the stress. Your child will also want to know where they are spending which holiday. Putting a plan in place far ahead of time, and putting it in writing will ensure that you aren’t deciding, or negotiating, on child visitation right up until the day before. Keep a record of the schedule, especially if you are trading off years for holidays. Having a plan in writing makes it impossible to forget how the holidays were split up the year prior. That way you can put your energy into actually celebrating the holiday, rather than stressing about who will be where.

Child Visitation

Often times, as part of a child custody ruling, a court will rule one parent has “supervised child visitation” rights. Here’s a little more information on what it means for visitation to be “supervised.”

Why “Supervised Child Visitation”?

California’s public policy on child custody is to protect the best interest of a child. And sometimes, based on what has been presented in court, a judge will rule the child only have contact with a parent when a neutral third party is present. Thus, the visitation rights are “supervised.” Reasons Behind Ruling

A judge may rule for supervised visitation for many reasons, such as:

  • To allow the visiting parent an opportunity to address specific issues;
  • In the case of reintroducing a parent and child after a long absence;
  • In the case of introducing a parent to a child;
  • A parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, or substance abuse;
  • When there are concerns of mental illness; or
  • If there is a parental threat of abduction.

A court will order specific times and durations for the visits. The court might also specify who will provide the supervision during these visits.

Supervised Child Visitation Providers

A supervised visitation provider’s main responsibility is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. The provider might be a family member, a friend, or a paid professional. A provider must be present at all times during the visit. Additionally, they are required to listen to what is being said, while paying close attention to the child’s or children’s behavior. If the provider deems it necessary, they may interrupt or end a visit. And legally, all providers must report suspected child abuse.

Types of providers

According to law, there are 2 types of supervised visitation providers:

  • Nonprofessional providers – usually family or friend who is not paid to provide their supervision
  • Professional providers – trained and experienced with providing supervision. They charge a fee for the service and are also required to follow a uniform standards of practice.

The court order will declare which type of provider you will be required to have during these visits.

Reasons for Ruling for Supervision

A judge may decide on supervised visitation for many reasons. These can include, but are not limited to the following:

  • A visiting parent might need an opportunity to address a specific issue.
  • When a parent and child are reintroduced after a long period of absence.
  • When a parent is first being introduced to a child
  • When a parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse, and neglect, or substance abuse.
  • When concerns about mental illness have been expressed
  • When there is a potential abduction threat.

In addition to a “supervised” ruling, the court will also order specific times and durations for the meetings. The court will also specify what type of supervision will be required during the visits: either professional or non-professional.

Professional and Non-Professional Supervision

There are two types of supervision: professional and non-professional. Non-professional providers are usually family members or friends. A professional provider is trained and experienced in child visitation visits. For a fee or service, they attend the visits. They also follow a standard uniform of practice.

A provider’s main purpose for attendance is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. They must not only be present the entire time, but are also required to listen to what is being said, while also closely monitoring the child’s or children’s behavior. If the supervisor deems it necessary, they are able to interrupt or end a visit. They are required by law to report suspected child abuse.

Co-Parenting

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Though co-parenting can be difficult, it’s always advised that parents try to work out a co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting is a crucial part of your child’s life. You will not be able to raise a child successfully if you do not get a handle on this. No child wants to see their parents fighting, or feel as if they are being tugged between two sides of a war.

You might need to consult a therapist or lawyer to get some groundwork laid for this new relationship. Bottom line: just try to be adults. You might have to dig deep to find that “adult” in there, and you might not want to, but you have to, for your child’s sake. Find an approach that will work for you (for the both of you) and then start from that point.

Kids Interests First

Putting your child’s best interests above your own are the only way to build a successful co-parenting situation while creating an amicable relationship with your ex. You two don’t need to be best friends that talk a million times a day. You just need to find a way to make this work, kind of like being assigned to a lab partner in high school that you just couldn’t stand. You had to work together to get through the assignment and to get the A+ grade that you wanted. If you could make that work in high school, you can make this relationship work as an adult.

This can be done in a number of ways:

  • Work out a method of communication. This can be done through email or text. Being able to write it down helps to create a “paper trail” should there be disputes. But this is also a great way to just remove the emotions and stick to the fact.
  • Remove the emotion during interaction – either in person or via communication
  • Schedule it out. This means weekly routines as well as vacation and other important events.
  • Be flexible
  • Commit to being cooperative. This might be a stretch, but you will need to cooperate.

This is not always an easy process, but once you have these basic things under your belt, it will be easier.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

If you’re having trouble working with your co-parent on putting together a child visitation schedule, you might want to consider working with a family law attorney that works with child custody issues. Having a go-between can help ease any tension surrounding negotiations, especially when the negotiations revolve around important family moments like the holiday season.

For advice on child visitation, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law Modification to Family Court Orders Move Aways (Child Relocation)

Celebrity Advice on How to Co-Parent

Co-parenting can be difficult, but once you and your ex figure it out, you’ll find that the child, or children you share, will feel much safer about their new family arrangement. Sometimes hearing other’s experiences can help prepare you for the trials you might face. Below we share some celebrity’s thoughts on their co-parenting relationships.

Celebrity Advice on How to Co-Parent

Miranda Kerr: “We decided as a family it was the right decision for Flynn, so Orlando [Bloom] and I both relocated and we live five minutes from each other … Everything revolves around my son and his welfare.”

Gwenyth Paltrow: “I think, unfortunately, even though we couldn’t stay in a romantic relationship, our values are very much around the importance of family and the importance of those relationships and I’m lucky that we’re aligned in that way. And it’s been hard, and you know, we’ve gone through really difficult times with it, but we’ve always said these children are our priority.”

Ryan Phillipe: “You have to get to that point as a divorced parent, as any parent, where you’re not putting yourself first. You want the kids’ experience to be its own and not like, ‘Well, I need to have my time!’ We have been very good about that.”

Drew Barrymore: “It really is about the tone you set. And you can talk until you’re blue in the face, but kids watch what you do every single day of your life, all day long, and that behavior and that example and that love and community and honesty is just, I think, what’s making everything feel safe for my kids and that’s really the intention I had as a parent.”

Jennifer Lopez: “Marc [Anthony] and I are very good friends, we’re very supportive. I feel it’s my responsibility as a mom when their dad is not there to let them know that their dad loves them very much because that’s the doubt that they have when he’s not around or they haven’t seen him. That’s my job to do that the same way it’s his job when he’s with them to say, ‘Mommy is working and she loves you.’”

Divorce and Co-Parenting

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us. We become the 14-year-old girl or boy obsessing about every little thing. This can be especially true if there is any residual hurt due to a person leaving, or cheating, or falling out of love. Yes, it hurts, and it sucks, but whatever the reason for your divorce, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions.

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

co-parenting-rights-1

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

wistful

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law Mediation Modification to Family Court Orders Move Aways (Child Relocation) Paternity

Learning How to Co-Parent

It’s easy to do.  You get a text message from your ex-spouse about not wanting to give up “their time” with the children you share to accommodate for a scheduling issue that you’ve run into. So you fire back a snarky text that sets off World War 3.

And then your son approaches you with: “I saw the texts you sent.”

It’s hard to remember that “parenting” is the main portion of “co-parenting” because it’s so easy to get caught up in the “co” portion.

Divorce

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us. We become the 14 year old girl or boy obsessing about every little thing. This can be especially true if there is any residual hurt due to a person leaving, or cheating, or falling out of love. Yes, it hurts, and it sucks, but whatever the reason for your divorce, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions.

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

co-parenting-rights-1

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

wistful

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law Modification to Family Court Orders Move Aways (Child Relocation)

Rutherford-Giersch Custody Battle Continues

Last week a Manhattan Supreme Court judge ordered actress Kelly Rutherford to return her two children to their father, Daniel Giersch, who lives in Monaco. In doing so, the custody battle between the two rages on.

Custody Battle

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The judge’s decision came after the 46-year-old actress failed to send son Hermes, 8, and daughter Helena, 6, back to Giersch after spending the summer in New York with her.

“From the beginning I have said I will fight for my children,” she said in an interview.

It seems Giersch’s attorney are happy with the decision. “We are pleased that the American judicial system has prevailed,” said Giersch’s attorney Fahi Takesh Hallin. “Daniel’s request to exclude the press today from the courtroom was granted, to protect the children’s privacy. In addition, his stance of promoting Kelly’s time with the children has not changed.”

The custody battled has raged since 2012, when a California judge ruled that the children should live in France with their father after his U.S. visa was revoked. Since that ruling, Rutherford has fought to bring her children back to the U.S., but neither California nor New York have jurisdiction in the case.

“It puts me as a parent in an odd place if no one is taking jurisdiction,” she has said. “How do you put your kids on a plane not knowing what is going to happen?”

Giersch’s mother was in court to greet the children and return them to Monaco following the judge’s ruling.

Rutherford was supposed to have sent the children back earlier in the week, but released a statement announcing her decision to keep the children, writing, “I have decided that I cannot lawfully send my children away from the United States to live in a foreign country.”

Giersch’s legal team immediately fired back following the release of Rutherford’s statement, issuing a letter demanding that Rutherford send the children back to Monaco immediately. The letter was followed with a filing in New York County Supreme Court.

Child Custody and Co-Parenting

Given that the Rutherford-Giersch custody battle has been going on for years, it seems unlikely that the two will ever be able to learn how to co-parent successfully. It can be a difficult situation to work out, especially if parents live on different sides of the world. Still, people find a way to make it work.

Co-Parenting Advice

Here’s some advice from co-parenters that have been there before:

  •  “Remember this: Genetically, your kids are 50% your ex. Every negative thing you say about him or her, you’re saying about the kids, too.”
  • “Get a therapist for the kids during the divorce, not after. We did so and my kids really benefitted from having someone removed from the situation to talk to about their feelings. She encouraged them to open up and helped us sidestep a lot of serious issues.”
  • “Understand that some situations don’t lend themselves to co-parenting. Consider alternatives like parallel parenting. Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean that your spouse has changed.”
  • “Be empathetic about the grief they are experiencing. Encourage them to talk and don’t judge their feelings.”
  • “Try your hardest to co-parent. Be there for your ex so you two can support your kids as a team. It’s no longer about the adults so put any animosity aside and do what is in the best interest of your children.”
  • “If you’re allowing the kids to choose who they live with, don’t make them feel guilty about their choice.”

The most important thing you can do is remember to put your child’s needs first. If you keep the focus on them you’ll be able to avoid getting into emotional ruts with your co-parent. Focusing on your child’s needs will ensure that they always get what’s best for them.

Here are some more ideas for making your co-parenting situation work:

Time for a  ‘Timeout’

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Cooperation is Key

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

Children, Sports, and the Increasing Number of Brain Injuries

Experts Weigh In on Rutherford-Giersch

According to Dan Abrams, a chief legal analyst that works for ABC News, Rutherford’s decision to keep her children in the U.S. was a “risky move.” He believes the U.S. State department has “to get involved now.”

“I called for them to get involved a while ago when [the kids] were in Monaco, saying they should bring the kids back,” he said. “I think they are going to have to get involved, I think they are going to have to make an incredibly hard decision.”

Move Away Child Custody

Child custody cases involving move-aways can be very difficult. If two parents have shared joint custody prior to the move it can feel almost impossible to find a new workable arrangement. States offer different laws regarding relocation custody, but as with all child custody cases, the best interest of the child is always taken into consideration. California has permissive move-away laws and takes the following into consideration when determining a move-away relocation:

  • Will the child’s lifestyle remain stable?
  • How far is the move?
  • Is the reason behind the move necessary?
  • How old is the child?
  • Will the parents be able to maintain a co-parenting relationship?
  • What does the child want?
  • What are the child’s individual relationships with each parent like?

Additionally, a move away request is considered a modification of court orders. If you are looking to modify original orders you need to be mindful of the current custody and visitation rights you have.  Working with an attorney is the best way to handle child custody relocation. Often time these cases can be difficult, especially if you are the non-custodial parent fighting against relocation. An attorney will be able to look at your case and determine the best course of action.

Next Court Date for Rutherford

The Rutherford-Giersch case is an interesting one due to the fact that Giersch’s U.S. visa was revoked for unknown reasons. The next court date for the couple is Sept. 3 in Monaco. It’s expected that the two will work out custodial decision making in addition to other matters.

 

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Marital Property Division Move Aways (Child Relocation) Spousal Support

Cannon-Carey: A Lesson in High Net-Worth Divorce

Nick Cannon took the twins he shares with estranged wife Mariah Carey out for breakfast in Los Angeles last Friday. Later, the doting dad, 34, posted an image of a Tic Tac Toe game to his Instagram, gushing: #Nothing like some breakfast and a morning game of Tic Tac Toe to get your day going in the right direction! XO’s #DemKids is nice with it! #Geniuses.

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Divorce

After living apart for several months, the host of America’s Got Talent filed for divorce on December 12. Around that time he took to Twitter to say: “I will never say anything negative about @MariahCarey We are forever a family rooted in love.

And indeed, it seems the two are making it work, at least in terms of co-parenting.

His breakfast outing was obviously a ‘farewell till the next time,’ as just a few hours he updated his Instagram with a photo of him on the way to the airport captioned: ‘Another Friday Another Flight.’ He’s currently in the middle of auditions for the upcoming season for AGT.

Co-Parenting

Co-parenting, and the act of co-parenting can be difficult for two parents to establish. The word implies that two parents are able to cooperate and communicate efficiently, but that’s not often the case. This becomes glaringly obvious when it’s realized that the main reason two people end a relationship is because of inability to communicate with each other.

But, unfortunately, when it comes to co-parenting, communicate is a must. If you cannot forge that relationship, the number one person, or people being hurt, are the children you share. Making this harder is the idea that even if your number one intention is to communicate effectively, you still have no control over the other person in the co-parenting relationship.

Being a Better Co-Parent

Regardless of how the other parent acts, there are some things that you can do to make the situation better. Realizing that you can improve the situation by improving yourself can help ease the stress. Here are some things that you can do:

Accept that you might not be able to control every situation. 
It might be easy to be aggravated by everything your co-parent does, but why spend your time and energy? You can’t change what you can’t change. Instead, channel that energy into creating quality time and moments with your kids. Learn and accept that you are not able to control everything. This can be hard, but it’s important. And that acceptance will free up emotional energy that can and should be spent elsewhere.

Be PRESENT with your kids.
When you are upset about something your mind is there, dwelling on that anger. If something that your co-parent does upsets you, place it to the side and don’t let it get in the way of the time you have with your children. Studies show that being present is the most important thing we can give our kids. Pay attention to them! And practice being mindful of the time you spend with them.

Make your home a calm and secure environment.
You can’t control anything your co-parent does. You can’t change them. But you can change you, and you can control you. So ensure that your home is a calm, grounded, and secure environment for your children. This will provide them with a calm and stable environment during a time that not feel that way. They should feel safe during this time – especially if the co-parenting schedule is new. Being able to give your kids stability will ensure they grow up feeling stable.

Focus on what is GOOD.
It’s not uncommon for divorced co-parents to feel guilty about what the effects of the divorce will have on their kids. You can focus on all the wrong things, but isn’t it better to focus on what’s GOOD? Two parents that love them. The secure and stable home that you’ve created. All the good moments you share. That cannot be taken away by your ex. These good-feeling moments are a great influence on your kids. So remember all the good stuff!

Cannon – Carey Property Division

While it seems they have gotten a hold on co-parenting, one aspect of the Cannon-Carey divorce that still might need some ironing out is the marital property the two share.

Cannon is in the process of moving into a $3 million luxury six bedroom, eight bathroom estate on the east coast ‘to keep the twins out of the spotlight.’ Cannon’s net-worth is over $20 million. He is paying $11,000 a month for the house, with an option to purchase the secluded Saddle River estate in New Jersey.

Carey will be staying on the West Coast and kicks off her Las Vegas residency at Caesars Palace on May 6. She has been spending most of her time in Southern California in preparation for the Sin City run.

Despite having their separate living arrangements, the two seem to be locked in a legal dispute over the division of their assets. Cannon just filed a lawsuit that alleges Carey, along with the couple’s business manager, Michael Kane, sold the couple’s Bel Air Mansion for $4 million less than the asking price without involving him in the sale.

Marital Property Division

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California is a community property state, as opposed to an equitable distribution state.

In community property states, all property the couple acquires during the marriage is divided equally. During a divorce settlement, issues such as financial need, ability to earn income, or which spouse is at fault for the divorce are not taken into account when dividing property.

In equitable distribution states, which are the majority of states, marital property division takes into account the financial situation of each spouse. This is different than the 50/50 breakdown of community property states. Though equitable distribution is more flexible, it can be harder to forecast the outcome. This is due to the fact that many factors are taken into account during the settlement negotiations.

When it comes to dividing marital property, there are four concerns that need to be addressed:

  • Identification of marital assets that are owned by you and your spouse
  • Assets need to then be categorized as marital or non-marital property.
  • Value will be assigned to the assets
  • A plan will be constructed over how to divide these assets. This plan will be made in accordance with state laws.

Marital Property

Not all property is considered “marital property.” It should also be noted that marital property does not only consist of dividing furniture and household items, but also all other financial assets such as bank accounts. And the definition of marital property can vary from state to state. You should work with a divorce attorney that can advise you on your state specific laws regarding property division. Typically though, marital property includes any property that is acquired by either spouse during the course of the marriage. And property acquired by either spouse before the marriage is usually not considered marital property.

Non – Marital Property

That being said, in some states, property acquired during the marriage can be excluded from marital property. Such types of property include:

  • Gifts or inheritance granted to one spouse during the marriage.
  • Property purchased with separate funds acquired by one spouse before the marriage.
  • Property that was excluded in a prenuptial agreement.
  • The asset is the result of increased value of separate property that was acquired before the marriage.

Preparing Your Finances for Divorce

If you know there will be issues regarding the division of marital assets prior to filing for divorce, there are some things you should do. Namely, you should consider separating any joint financial obligations that are under both of your names. Joint credit accounts should also be considered during the division process. Because of this, it’s advised that you separate any joint accounts. Here are some tips to consider when facing marital property division:

  • Each spouse should have access to a complete set of all financial documents.
  • Each spouse should establish their own line of credit, in their own name.
  • Close all joint credit card accounts.
  • Create a formal written agreement that outlines the activity on any joint credit accounts until all accounts can be separated.
  • Open separate bank accounts.
  • If you must maintain a joint bank account, make sure you have a written agreement outlining the purpose of the account and what the funds will be used for. You might consider that each spouse sign any checks written from that account.
  • Freeze any investment assets to ensure that neither spouse may misuse funds.
  • Change the title to your home to “tenants in common.”

Working with a Divorce Attorney

Divorce can be a difficult process, not just for emotional reasons. There are many aspects of a divorce that will need to be legally decided upon, including: child custody and visitation, spousal support, and marital property division. A family law attorney will also be able to provide you with advice on how to create a successful co-parenting situation. This can include the creation of a co-parenting schedule that outlines weekly visits, but also holiday schedules, and other major events. These things can be even harder to work out in a high net-worth divorce. State laws will also play a large factor in how things are divided and settled. Because of this, it’s advised that you work with a local divorce attorney that will be able to advise you specifically in accordance with your state law.

 

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law Move Aways (Child Relocation)

Advice on Co-Parenting

You’ve just gone through a divorce and have now entered the world of single-ness and co-parenting. It’s new territory, and can be hard to navigate. Here’s some tips from experienced co-parenters.

Co-Parenting Advice

Here’s some advice from co-parenters that have been there before:

  •  “Remember this: Genetically, your kids are 50% your ex. Every negative thing you say about him or her, you’re saying about the kids, too.”
  • “Get a therapist for the kids during the divorce, not after. We did so and my kids really benefitted from having someone removed from the situation to talk to about their feelings. She encouraged them to open up and helped us sidestep a lot of serious issues.”
  • “Understand that some situations don’t lend themselves to co-parenting. Consider alternatives like parallel parenting. Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean that your spouse has changed.”
  • “Be empathetic about the grief they are experiencing. Encourage them to talk and don’t judge their feelings.”
  • “Try your hardest to co-parent. Be there for your ex so you two can support your kids as a team. It’s no longer about the adults so put any animosity aside and do what is in the best interest of your children.”
  • “If you’re allowing the kids to choose who they live with, don’t make them feel guilty about their choice.”

Co-Parenting #1

The most important thing you can do is remember to put your child’s needs first. If you keep the focus on them you’ll be able to avoid getting into emotional ruts with your co-parent. Focusing on your child’s needs will ensure that they always get what’s best for them.

Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Source: The Huffington Post, The 18 Best Things You Can Do For Your Kids After Divorce, February 17, 2015

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law Move Aways (Child Relocation) Paternity

Anxiety in Co-Parenting Situation

It’s not uncommon to feel uneasy in a co-parenting situation. This is especially true if the arrangement is a new one. Here are a few tips to how to get comfortable with your new way of life.

Dealing with Co-parenting

Co-parenting often means a radical change to the way you used to schedule your life and your kids’ lives.

Separation Anxiety

You might feel nervous being apart from your children, and knowing that you won’t be able to see them for a while (while they are spending time with the other parent). The best way to deal with this is to call it out for yourself and name it. This can be as simple as saying, “I am feel separation anxiety being away from my child.” Then identify what’s causing you to feel this way. Is it because it’s a new situation? Is it because you don’t trust the other parent? Or are you just not used to having a free night? Working with a therapist can help you work through these feelings if you’re not able to address them on your own. And if you’re nervous because you fear for your child’s safety, you might want to consult a lawyer.

Communication

Work out a plan for regular communication when your children are away. While it shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to dominate the other parent’s time, it’s completely fair to have a check in via phone or email. You should also have a plan for communicating with the other parent. Maintaining open and good lines of communication is key to addressing your anxiety. If you two are not able to be civil during in person or on phone conversations, take it to email, where you can state the facts of what needs to be addressed without getting emotional.

Custody Agreement

If at any time you feel there has been a violation of the custody agreement, take a step back and evaluate how big the violation is. If it’s an incident where the other parent is 15 minutes late to dropping of your child, maybe let it go. If this becomes a habit you might want to address it through altering your schedule or coming up with a new plan. If the parent refuses to drop off your child, that’s the time to seek a lawyer.

For advice on child support and child custody, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Source: AboutParenting.com, What if My Ex Refuses to Return My Kids? 2015

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Domestic Violence Family Law Move Aways (Child Relocation)

Child Custody and Move Aways

Relocating to a new state or new country can be difficult. But that process can be made even more difficult when it means moving away with a child you share with your ex-spouse or partner.

Are You Allowed to Move Away?

The first thing you need to identify is if you are able to move away and relocate your child. A standard rule of thumb when it comes to child relocation and a permanent child custody and visitation order is that neither parent is able to relocate the child unless he or she has received consent (written consent) from the other parent or a court.

Allowing a Move Away

Family law courts consider a number of factors when considering allowing a move away. As always, the court takes the “best interest of the child” into account. These are the other factors a court considers:

  • Is the child stable in the current child custody arrangement
  • Where is the new location? How far away is it from the remaining parent’s household?
  • Financial impact (for both parents)
  • Age of the child
  • How is the current relationship between the parents and the child?
  • How is the co-parenting relationship between both parents?
  • What are the child’s wishes (dependent on the child’s age)?
  • Are there special accommodations needed for the child? Are they available in the new location?
  • What’s the reason for the move?
  • Additional factors the court deems fit to consider

To Note: California Family Code section 7501

Under the California Family Code section 7501, “a parent entitled to custody of a child has a right to change the residence of the child, subject to the power of the court to restrain a removal that would prejudice the rights or welfare of the child.” Therefore, the custodial parent of a child does not have to prove that the move away is necessary, since they have been awarded the legal right to have the child live with them.

Modification of Court Orders

A move away request is considered a modification of court orders. Therefore, it’s important to be mindful of the current custody and visitation rights you have prior to the move away.  You will need to get the other parent’s written agreement as well as the court’s permission in order to proceed with your move away. You might want to consider working with a move away attorney to help that your move away is legally done and you don’t risk jeopardizing your current agreement.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Support Move Aways (Child Relocation) Spousal Support

Judge Allows Child Relocation to Sweden

A Nevada Clark County Family Court judge, and the Nevada Supreme Court have allowed a woman to relocate herself and her two young daughters to Sweden.

Original Ruling Upheld

Just a year after Shane and Cecilia Peterson’s divorce, Judge William Gonzalez granted Cecilia to move the two girls the couple share to her birthplace, Sweden. They left just two days before Christmas. Shane appealed the decision to Nevada’s higher court. But the Nevada Supreme Court’s recent ruling affirms Judge Gonzalez’s decision of primary custody and to let the children and mother relocate out of the country.

Hopes of Breaking New Legal Ground

Shane’s lawyer, Bruce Shapiro, hoped to make new law with the case, by making it more difficult for parents with Nevada custody cases to relocate out of the country with their children. Shapiro argued that international moves require additional safeguards and considerations. Shane’s appeal brief stated,“International relocation so fundamentally alters the parent-child relation­ship that the courts must discard any standard that favors the relocating parent and focus solely upon the best interests of the children.”

Sweden Better for Employment and Quality of Life

Cecilia Peterson’s lawyers argued the relocation “was prompted by her struggles with being employed in the United States.” Her lawyers wrote that, “Cecilia was able to show that the move is likely to improve the quality of life for the children and herself.” The Petersons were married in Sweded, and their oldest daughter was born there.The youngest daughter was born in Las Vegas.

Shane Peterson now lives in Henderson. He pays $1,452 a month in child support, and $375 a month in spousal support. He has not decided if he will appeal further. His daughters visited over the summer.

 

For advice on child relocation after a divorce, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Source: Las Vegas Review Journal, Nevada Supreme Court OKs mom moving kids to Sweden, September 17, 2013

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co