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Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Marital Property Division Mediation Spousal Support

Finding the Silver Lining of Divorce

When we’re little kids we imagine finding our prince or princess and riding off into the sunset that is “happily ever after.” We never think that “happily ever after” will end in divorce. Yet, for a lot of people, that’s exactly where their story ends up.

 

Finding the Silver Lining of Divorce

It goes without saying that divorce is a difficult process. Whether or not there are kids involved, a number of thing need to be worked out: child custody arrangements, child support, spousal support, marital property division. A family law attorney will be able to help you with these aspects of ending a marriage. But you’ll also need help working through the tougher parts of ending a marriage: emotionally tiring and stressful aspects of ending a mrriage. It not only changes your entire lifestyle, it changes you. If you can step back, you might just realize how it changes you in a good way. Here are some positive aspects of a divorce that you may want to consider. In the end, you might just be grateful for the little things that you learned from going through one of the hardest processes you could go through.

You, After Divorce

Maturity
Sure, you have to legally be an adult before you can get married, but that doesn’t make you mature. If you had to take a maturity test before tying the knot, chances are marriage wouldn’t even exist. In truth, we often enter marriage still in a childlike state due to the faith we’ve put into the idea of “soul mates” and the fairy-tale romances we’ve been told that end in happily ever after. We might have been blind to the fact that marriage requires a whole ton of effort, and on your part, not the part of a fairy godmother. There’s also a good chance we never set down the wounds of our childhood. Those patterns that we picked up as children (yeah, those ones we never dealt with) all get taken along with us, becoming patterns that impact our marriages and adulthood.

Divorce is like the evil step-queen, yelling in your tear-streamed face. She’s not going to let you go on being the prince or princess that you thought you were. You’re going to have to create some magic of your own, on your own, perhaps for the very first time in your life.

Confidence After Divorce

Divorce can knock your confidence level down to zilch. You’re probably feeling pretty defeated because you weren’t able to hold your marriage together. And if infidelity played a part, then you’re also wondering where you fell short and why your ex-spouse decided to look elsewhere. All that, plus the idea that the whole dating scene has completely changed and now you have to get back out into, can lower your confidence level to below zilch. It’s terrible. But that’s only the first half of the story. Here’s when you re-write the second half.

When you successfully complete something that in your mind you just knew you could not do, you gain confidence. Having to re-frame your assumptions about your weaknesses and limitations, forces you to find a way to believe in yourself. Facing your fears and surviving gives you strength. And after battling through opposition you can emerge, sure, bruised and battered, but knowing that you didn’t give up.

Perspective
Yup, it’s true, hindsight is 20/20. You have to walk through something, get a far way ahead of it, and only then can you look back and see just how important that process was. At that point you can see the beginning, the middle, and the end, and how that end is so clear and empty of emotional and clutter. Take this new clarity and run with it. That perspective can give you amazing information you need to change your own behaviors and to improve your future relationships.

Gratitude After Divorce

After you lose everything, you take nothing for granted. Divorce can be like losing everything:  past memories, your present marriage, and future dreams. Let that be your determination to survive. But this is also a time to lean on friends and family that stepped up and stood by. They will lift you up, even when you can’t lift yourself. Be grateful for them, and try to show them that you are. If not now, then try to later.

Empathy
When you have felt pain, you honor and respect that pain in others. Divorce can make you more empathetic towards people facing any form of loss. You will move towards acceptance and forgiveness of your situation and your ex. And with this movement will come the ability to see things from other people’s viewpoints, making you a better friend, and a better person to be in a relationship with (down the line, when you are ready for one).

Divorce wipes away the ego that believes it’s shameful to ask for help. After you admonish this, you will be able to accept help for yourself, and then be able to offer help to others who are in need.

Responsibility
It’s easy to blame your ex, to place the responsibility for the divorce in his or her hands. We also might realize that all too often we have looked to them to provide happiness, or support for making decisions. This interdependency ends with divorce. It’s good to be interdependent, but divorce requires that you learn to be independent. You’re going to be steering this ship on your own. You’re going to have to be responsible for your own things now: happiness, support, etc. Let this empower you though, rather than make you feel lost or scared. You’re completely in control now. You can change. It’s your life now.

Humility

Divorce teaches us that no matter how much we want something to be true, we can’t force it into being. All those choice you made have consequences. And maybe now you are being forced to see them. Sure, you might have said “divorce will never happen to me,” but now it has. You’re going to have to admit that it can happen to anyone. Let this “slap” of reality force you to embrace acceptance while also redefining expectations. You’re not immune to anything.

Fortitude
Divorce can be a longer process with more setbacks than you had ever imagined before you took that first step. Just when you think that the worst is behind you, BAM! It hits you again. Two steps forward, one step back has never been more true. It takes grit to survive.

Awareness
Divorce can be a wake-up call. Often times people realize they were living in a kind of “auto-pilot” mode when they said their “I dos.” The clarity and awareness you have after saying your “I Un-dos” might provide you with a sense of awareness that wasn’t there before. A lot of people turn to meditation and yoga during divorce because it settles the mind to allow for awareness. This mindfulness and consciousness will be helpful moving forward in your new life.

Ingenuity
Divorce is also a way to test your abilities… all of them. Your negotiating skills, your financial skills, your balanced budgeting skills, co-parenting abilities. You are the only problem solver now. You will need to work out how to afford your rent on a portion of the budget you once had. You will also need to learn how to co-parent, potentially with an ex you hate (for now). But the more you are placed in these new positions, the better you will become at those tasks.

Wisdom from Divorce
Divorce can be an opportunity for reflection and analysis. You are now raw and ready to learn new ways of doing things, in addition to just learning new ways to move on and cope.

Working with Professionals During and After Divorce

Therapist

There are so many emotional things that you will need to work through when you decide to end your marriage. You might want to consider reaching out to a therapist or life-coach to help you through the emotional aspects. They can coach you on coping techniques and skills that will help you come to terms with your divorce.

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

 

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Eliminate the Stress of Holiday Child Visitation

With Christmas just peeking ’round the corner, you might be facing the dilemma that comes with coordinating child visitation during this holiday season.

Eliminate the Stress of Holiday Child Visitation

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There’s no reason why coordinating your child visitation schedule should add stress to the holiday season. There are some critical steps that need to be taken to ensure a stress-free custody situation. Before the season kicks off, reflect on which holiday is most important – whether it be Kwanza, Christmas, or Thanksgiving, 4th of July, or Easter. There will have to be some form of give-and-take, but if you can prioritize the holidays for yourself you might find you’re willing to negotiate a little easier. If both you and your co-parent value the same holiday the same amount, you should consider trading off the years. If you live close enough, and it’s not going to cause any drama, you might even want to split the day.

Get the Child Visitation Schedule in Writing Ahead of Time

Like most things with the holidays, managing a child visitation schedule closer to the actual holiday can add to the stress. Your child will also want to know where they are spending which holiday. Putting a plan in place far ahead of time, and putting it in writing will ensure that you aren’t deciding, or negotiating, on child visitation right up until the day before. Keep a record of the schedule, especially if you are trading off years for holidays. Having a plan in writing makes it impossible to forget how the holidays were split up the year prior. That way you can put your energy into actually celebrating the holiday, rather than stressing about who will be where.

Child Visitation

Often times, as part of a child custody ruling, a court will rule one parent has “supervised child visitation” rights. Here’s a little more information on what it means for visitation to be “supervised.”

Why “Supervised Child Visitation”?

California’s public policy on child custody is to protect the best interest of a child. And sometimes, based on what has been presented in court, a judge will rule the child only have contact with a parent when a neutral third party is present. Thus, the visitation rights are “supervised.” Reasons Behind Ruling

A judge may rule for supervised visitation for many reasons, such as:

  • To allow the visiting parent an opportunity to address specific issues;
  • In the case of reintroducing a parent and child after a long absence;
  • In the case of introducing a parent to a child;
  • A parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, or substance abuse;
  • When there are concerns of mental illness; or
  • If there is a parental threat of abduction.

A court will order specific times and durations for the visits. The court might also specify who will provide the supervision during these visits.

Supervised Child Visitation Providers

A supervised visitation provider’s main responsibility is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. The provider might be a family member, a friend, or a paid professional. A provider must be present at all times during the visit. Additionally, they are required to listen to what is being said, while paying close attention to the childs ‘s or children’s behavior. If the provider deems it necessary, they may interrupt or end a visit. And legally, all providers must report suspected child abuse.

Types of providers

According to law, there are 2 types of supervised visitation providers:

  • Nonprofessional providers – usually family or friend who is not paid to provide their supervision
  • Professional providers – trained and experienced with providing supervision. They charge a fee for the service, and are also required to follow a uniform standards of practice.

The court order will declare which type of provider you will be required to have during these visits.

Reasons for Ruling for Supervision

A judge may decide on supervised visitation for many reasons. These can include, but are not limited to the following:

  • A visiting parent might need an opportunity to address a specific issue.
  • When a parent and child are reintroduced after a long period of absence.
  • When a parent is first being introduced to a child
  • When a parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, or substance abuse.
  • When concerns about mental illness have been expressed
  • When there is a potential abduction threat.

In addition to a “supervised” ruling, the court will also order specific times and durations for the meetings. The court will also specify what type of supervision will be required during the visits: either professional or non-professional.

Professional and Non-Professional Supervision

There are two types of supervision: professional and non-professional. Non-professional providers are usually family members or friends. A professional provider is trained and experienced in child visitation visits. For a fee or service, they attend the visits. They also follow a standard uniform of practice.

A provider’s main purpose for attendance is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. They must not only be present the entire time, but are also required to listen to what is being said, while also closely monitoring the child’s or children’s behavior. If the supervisor deems it necessary, they are able to interrupt or end a visit. They are required by law to report suspected child abuse.

Co-Parenting

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Though co-parenting can be difficult, it’s always advised that parents try to work out a co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting is a crucial part of your child’s life. You will not be able to raise a child successfully if you do not get a handle on this. No child wants to see their parents fighting, or feel as if they are being tugged between two sides of a war.

You might need to consult a therapist or lawyer to get some groundwork laid for this new relationship. Bottom line: just try to be adults. You might have to dig deep to find that “adult” in there, and you might not want to, but you have to, for your child’s sake. Find an approach that will work for you (for the both of you) and then start from that point.

Kids Interests First

Putting your child’s best interests above your own are the only way to build a successful co-parenting situation while creating an amicable relationship with your ex. You two don’t need to be best friends that talk a million times a day. You just need to find a way to make this work, kind of like being assigned to a lab partner in high school that you just couldn’t stand. You had to work together to get through the assignment and to get the A+ grade that you wanted. If you could make that work in high school, you can make this relationship work as an adult.

This can be done in a number of ways:

  • Work out a method of communication. This can be done through email or text. Being able to write it down helps to create a “paper trail” should there be disputes. But this is also a great way to just remove the emotions and stick to the fact.
  • Remove the emotion during interaction – either in person or via communication
  • Schedule it out. This means weekly routines as well as vacation and other important events.
  • Be flexible
  • Commit to being cooperative. This might be a stretch, but you will need to cooperate.

This is not always an easy process, but once you have these basic things under your belt, it will be easier.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

If you’re having trouble working with your co-parent on putting together a child visitation schedule, you might want to consider working with a family law attorney that works with child custody issues. Having a go-between can help ease any tension surrounding negotiations, especially when the negotiations revolve around important family moments like the holiday season.

For advice on child visitation, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Divorce Family Law

Child Custody: Your Options

One of the biggest things to come out of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s divorce was the discussion about child custody. Though it was contentious at times, there are a lot of things that can be learned from it.

If you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse share children, you’ll want to know what options you have when it comes to child custody. Often times child custody disputes are responsible for drawing out divorce paperwork. As always, it’s advised that you work with a family law attorney to help settle your divorce.

Child Custody: Your Options

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually, if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parent has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually, if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Preparing for Your Child Custody Case Hearing

One you have filed your petition to be granted sole child custody you will receive a date for either a mediation session or a court hearing. You’ll want to be prepared going into this meeting. Here are some steps to prepare.

Work with Your Family Law Attorney

Your family law attorney will help you prepare for the mediation or court hearing. If you have been working with a family law attorney up to this point, chances are you have already built your case for why the other parent is unfit to raise the child or children you share. If you have not been working with a family law attorney, you will need to gather evidence of this on your own. We’ll discuss this more in depth further below.

Serve the Other Parent

After the petition has been filed, you’ll need to let the other parent know that you have done so and that you are requesting that a change be made to the current custody agreement. You can either work with your family law attorney to have the notification served, or work with a service company or the courthouse to have this done.  Once the notification is served, the person who served the papers will need to provide you with proof that the other parent has been made aware. This is called “Proof of Service.” You’ll need to provide this to the court.

Preparing Evidence

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Family law courts prefer to award joint custody to both parents. Because of this, you will need to prove that the other parent is unfit and unable to handle custody of your child. This may be proven a number of ways. Here are a few examples:

  • A history of abuse or neglect. Are there any police reports that have been filed against the other parent? Are there other pieces of evidence? Are there witnesses that can corroborate your story?
  • Lifestyle. Does the other parent have a job? Is it a steady job that can ensure the other parent is able to financially take care of the child? Where does the other parent live? Is it a safe environment?
  • Emotional and physical health. Is the other parent physically and mentally able to care for the child?

Once you have prepared all your evidence, either on your own or with the help of a family law attorney, you will be ready for the mediation or court hearing. If during the mediation session you are unable to come to an agreement, then the case will need to go before a judge. Hopefully, either through mediation or the court hearing, you will then be granted with sole child custody.

It should be noted that if a parent strongly disagrees with how the court has decided on the custody case, there is always an option to appeal.

Appealing Child Custody Decisions

Child custody cases are difficult due to the nature of the subject. A family law court will always rule in the best interest of the child. It’s important to note that an appeals court will not review a case just because one party disagrees with what the judge decided. If you feel your child custody agreement was arrived at because the court made a substantive error (either procedural or legal) you are able to appeal the court’s decision. Here’s how to appeal a child custody ruling.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

Working with a family law attorney will help you prove your case. In the case of appealing an already decided agreement, the family law attorney will need to prove that the previous decision was arrived at inaccurately due to a legal error or a procedural error.

Rules of Your Jurisdiction

Every state has different rules that given child custody cases and appeals. A family law attorney will be familiar with the rules of your specific jurisdiction and will be able to help guide you through the process. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you will need to research the rules on your own. These jurisdiction rules govern what your timeline is for filing an appeal to your child custody case, as well as exact guidelines for what should be contained in the petition to appeal. You can find these rules online or at your local courthouse.

Prepare an Appellate Petition

Next, you will need to prepare an appellate petition. This petition outlines why you are appealing the current child custody decision, as well as lists the errors that the lower court made when deciding on your child custody decision. If you are not working with a family law attorney, you might want to have the petition you fill out reviewed by one, just to ensure it has been done correctly. Next, you will file this petition with the court, as well as have a notification of the filing served to your opposing party.

Review of Appellate Petition

The court will then review the appellate petition and decide whether or not to hear your child custody appeal. If the court decides to hear your case, you will need to prepare a brief that explains your reasons for appealing the initial child custody agreement. This brief should include the lower court’s rules, case law, and all the facts that were presented in the initial custody hearing. A judge will review this and offer a final decision.

When parents live in different locations, either different states, countries, or even towns, the issue of child custody can become very difficult. It’s not uncommon for parents to request move away court orders.

Working with A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to child custody decisions, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered, namely the best interests of the child, but also what type of custody you are hoping to acheive. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law Spousal Support

Why You Need to Work with a Divorce Lawyer

There are numerous online sites offering quick and easy divorces without having to work with a divorce lawyers. While many of these sites may work for smaller, less-involved divorces, they might not be the way to go for more intense divorces. When it comes to deciding on issues of child custody and spousal support, you might want to consider working with a divorce attorney.

Child Custody

Child custody issues can quickly become complicated. This is especially the case if the parents are not able to work together to co-parent or develop a successful co-parenting situation.

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

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Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parented that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent.  It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parents has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including: education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is abel to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including: joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Spousal Support

Alimony, often called “spousal support” is when one spouse pays the other in order to help that spouse maintain the same financial standing as was experienced during the marriage. A court will require the higher earning spouse to assist the lower in maintaining that standard of lifestyle that was achieved during the marriage.

Awarding Spousal Support

In California a judge can award temporary (“pendente lite”) support either during the divorce proceedings, or when the divorce is declared final. Typically these payments are made from one spouse to the other in a specified amount for a predetermined period of time. But support can also be paid in a single lump-sum payment. In collaborative process divorce agreements, spouses often come to agreement on the terms and conditions of support payments. As long as this agreement meets legal requirements, a court will uphold an agreement. This is the case even if the agreement provides for a complete waiver of support to the lower-earning spouse.

Duration of Spousal Support

In California, the duration of spousal support agreements are often tied to the length of the marriage. A general rule of thumb is that for a marriage of less than 10 years, a court will not order support payments be made for longer than half the length of the marriage. But if a marriage has lasted 10 years or longer, a court typically will not set a definite termination date for support. Both spouses are able to request modifications to the spousal support agreement indefinitely, unless a termination date has specifically been agreed, or if the court expressly terminates the support at a later hearing.

Awarding Permanent Support

Sometimes support is labeled “permanent” support, but the actual awarding of permanent support lasting for the remainder of a lifetime is increasingly rare, even for marriages that last over 10 years. Family law courts in California tend to require a spouse seeking support to make an effort to become self-supporting. A spouse that makes claims that they are unable to work, or unable to become fully employed, is required to support the claim with evidence. Often times this means having a  vocational evaluation. And for long term support orders, the support often gradually reduces over time by a nominal amount. Permanent support is usually only awarded to spouses that are unable to become self-supporting due to age or disability.

When You Might Consider a Lawyer for Personal Injury Claims

Calculation of Spousal Support

California law rules that the purpose of awarding temporary spousal support is for preserving the financial status quo, or “standard of living during the marriage” to the greatest extent possible. After a court evaluates and considers the needs of the spouse requesting the support, as well as the ability of the other spouses ability to pay, it can order the temporary spousal support in any amount. Typically, a court will use a common formula for calculating temporary support. One example of this formula is the Santa Clara County formula. This formula comes up with a figure through subtracting 50% of the lower-earner’s net income from 40% of the higher earner’s, and then makes adjustments for tax consequences and child support payments. The California Department of Child Support provides a support calculator for parents of dependent children looking to get a rough estimate of what temporary spousal support payments might look like along with child support payments. A family law attorney will also be able to provide you with a rough idea of what your payments will look like.

Standard of Living

Spousal support’s main purpose is to assist a supported spouse in maintaining a standard of living that was close to that which was attained during the marriage. But the goal is for the spouse receiving the payments to eventually become self-supporting to the greatest extent possible. A court will take the following into account:

  • marketable skills of the supported spouse,
  • job market for those skills,
  • any time or expense the supported spouse will need to acquire education or training for employment or enhanced employability, and
  • the extent to which periods of unemployment (due to domestic duties) during the marriage have impaired the supported spouse’s present or future earning capacity.

The court will also consider any other factors, including:

  • extent to which the supported spouse contributed to the other spouse’s attainment of education, training, professional licensing or career advancement (this can also mean the extent to which the supported spouse provided and maintained home life while the other spouse was advancing his or her career)
  • ability of the supporting spouse to pay support. A court will take into account earning capacity, earned and unearned income, assets, and standard of living,
  • needs of each party based on what the marital standard of living was,
  • each spouse’s obligations and assets, including separate property,
  • duration of the marriage,
  • ability of a spouse who is also a custodial parent to engage in employment without interfering with the interests of dependent children,
  • each spouse’s age and health,
  • documented history of domestic violence by either spouse*,
  • immediate and specific tax consequences to each spouse (often times tax agreements are figured out during the awarding of spousal support and child support agreements),
  • balance of the hardships to each spouse, and
  • the goal that the supported spouse will be self-supporting within a reasonable period of time. This follows a general rule of thumb presumed to be one-half the length of a marriage (unless the marriage was longer than 10 years).

*California courts do not ordinarily consider conduct when making spousal support determinations. But often times, a court will not award support to a spouse that has a proven history of violence toward the other spouse.

Working with a Divorce Attorney

If you are facing a child custody dispute or issues with spousal support you should contact a divorce attorney. Because there are a lot of rules surrounding child custody and spousal support decisions, working with a divorce attorney can help you through the process.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce

Angelina Jolie Hikes with Kids on Labor Day

Despite the fact that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are locked in a legal dispute over custody of their six children, Jolie was all smiles during a Labor Day hike with her children.

Angelina Jolie Hikes with Kids on Labor Day

This past Sunday, the actress was spotted hiking in the Hollywood Hills along with daughters Zahara, 13, Shiloh, 12, and 10-year-old Vivienne and her twin brother Knox. Older brothers Maddox, 16, and Pax, 14, were not with them.

Jolie, 43, and Pitt, 54, recently had a temporary agreement ordered by the judge on their case after the two were unable to reach a private agreement. This past June a judge established a detailed schedule for Pitt to spend time with the children. Maddox was excluded from the agreement because, according to the court, he is old enough to decide how much time he wants to spend with his father.

Co-Parenting #1

The most important thing you can do is remember to put your child’s needs first. If you keep the focus on them you’ll be able to avoid getting into emotional ruts with your co-parent. Focusing on your child’s needs will ensure that they always get what’s best for them.

Learning to Co-Parent

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

co-parenting-rights-1

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up outside of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

Divorce Law LA

For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law

Coparenting: There’s an App for That!

With all the technology we have these days, you’d have thought we would have figured out absolutely everything. And maybe we have! Turns out, there are a number of apps that have been created to make co-parenting much easier.

Coparenting: There’s an App for That!

Below is a list of apps that were designed to help with co-parenting situations:

Our Family Wizard has an all-in-one calendar, expense view, and parenting agreements.

2 Houses was built for split houses – where children swap from house to house. This app allows co-parents to share photos, videos, as well as manage children’s expenses and co-parenting schedules so everyone’s on the same page.

If you’re dealing with a hard time communicating with your ex, the Coparently app creates an easy-to-use calendar, a way to track shared expenses, and also a place to keep contact information. Kids can be added for their communication ease without going between parents.

Cozi allows for parents to share calendar pages, and provides users with separate kids’ calendars so they can share with their co-parents, too.

Custody Exchange allows for co-parents to create a shared custody calendar.

Talking Parents is an online system-of-record for co-parents for couples that need proof of communication between parties in an effort to prevent further conflict or misunderstanding that may affect custody agreements or the children.

Learning to Co-Parent

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

co-parenting-rights-1

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

IndependantContractorAgreement

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

Divorce Law LA

For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

 

 

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law Mediation

Divorce Rates: Higher-Income and Lower-Income Families

According to a 2014 study conducted by the Pew Research Center, 80 percent of never-married women said “finding someone with a steady job would be very important.” The idea of “steady job” could be defining factor in the difference between the divorce rates of higher-income families and lower-income families.

Divorce Rates

Divorce rates among lower-income families remain stagnant, roughly where they were in the 1980’s, while new research shows higher-income families are seeing a decline in divorce rates. For higher-income families, the phrase “half of every marriage ends in divorce” is no longer true. In fact, the divorce rate has been dropping. In a piece posted on Upshot, the New York Times’ data blog, the divorce rates seen in the late 1970s and early 1980s may have just been a “historical anomaly,” rather than a trend.

 

Divorce Rate Statistics

Below, are a few statistics noted in the Upshot blog:

  • Roughly 70 percent of marriages that began in the 1990s reached 15 years. That’s up from only 65 percent for marriages that began in the 1970s and 1980s. Couples wed in the 2000s are divorcing at even lower rates.
  • According to economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfer, the 1970s feminist movement had a considerable impact on where the divorce rate is now. During the movement women entered the work force and gained reproductive rights. As a result, marriages began to evolve into the “modern-day form, based on love and shared passions, and often two incomes and shared housekeeping duties.”
  • There are more mature marriages now as people are marrying later on in life. The median age for marriage during the 1950s was 23 for men and 20 for women. In 2004, it increased to 27 for men and 26 for women.
  • According to Wolfers, if the numbers continue to decrease, roughly two-thirds of marriages will never end in divorce. That’s a giant change from the 50 percent statistic that’s often thrown around.

When it comes to comparing higher-income divorce rates to lower-income divorce rates:

  •  The number of married, college-educated couples that split by their seventh anniversary was 20 percent in the 1980s and is now just 11 percent.
  • Meanwhile,  17 percent of lower-income couples ( in the study this was couples making no more than twice the federal poverty line of just over $30,000) get divorced at roughly the same rate as the 1980’s: 20 percent.

Similar Ideas Regarding Children

But it might not just be the idea of having a steady income that’s impacting divorce rates among lower-income families. It might be more of a shift towards the idea of having a more equal division of domestic life. The Pew Research study found 70 percent of women also want to find a mate that has similar ideas about having and raising children. A 2007 poll conducted by the Pew Research Center found couples want a more even distribution of responsibilities.

This idea of equal responsibilities: the idea of both parents bringing in an income, sharing time with the family, being equal contributors has become a defining feature of a good marriage. According to the poll, it outranks having an adequate income, sharing religious beliefs, or even having children.

50-50 Marriage

Motorists and Cyclists

“What we have is historically high expectations for what young people call a 50-50 marriage,” says Bill Doherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota.

“People are looking for a high-intimacy, high-income marriage where both partners contribute, regardless of income bracket,” he continued. “Unless you have a good economic base and a certain level of personal maturity, it can be very hard.”

According to The Washington Post‘s Darlena Cunha, this trend towards wanting a 50-50 marriage has it’s downfall for families that night not be able to achieve that standard. Lower-income families, who are struggling economically, are having a harder time managing this kind of ideal marriage belief. And as a result, more lower-income marriages are leading to divorce.

The differing divorce rates between lower-income families and higher-income families is something researchers have been trying to comprehend for years. It can be especially difficult to see a link when studies over the years show that lower-income families value marriage just as other demographics.

“A lot of government policy is based on the assumption that low-income people hold less traditional views about marriage,” says researcher and UCLA professor of psychology, Benjamin Karney. “However, the different income groups do not hold dramatically different views about marriage and divorce — and when the views are different, they are different in the opposite direction from what is commonly assumed.”

According to The New York Times‘ Stephanie Coontz, “Since the 1970s, families have become more egalitarian in their internal relationships. But inequality among families has soared,”she wrote. “Women have become more secure as their real wages and legal rights have increased. But families have become more insecure as their income and job instability have worsened.”

While parents have grown more equal in their internal roles, “rising inequality has changed family dynamics for all socioeconomic groups.”

Women Making Leaps

According to Cunha, women seem to have exited the recession better than men. Following the recession, unemployment levels dropped from historic highs. But this was more so for woman than men. In summer 2013, roughly 7.5 percent of men over age 20 were unemployed. That number was only 6.5 percent for women, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. That, coupled with the ever-increasingly polarized workforce, where high and low income jobs are increasing and middle-income jobs decreasing, has caused women to make even greater leaps. As a result, it seems women are becoming increasingly impatient with the economic stagnation of their male counterparts and family members.

“I realized that since I was the only reliable person in the family making money,” said Cece Azadi of Alabama. “there wasn’t much reason to hold onto that marriage.

Seeking Alimony

It makes sense that women and men are both striving for 50-50 marriages. If you do not feel that is attainable for your marriage and are seeking  divorce, you’ll want to understand the idea of alimony, regardless of if you will need to pay alimony or receive alimony.

Alimony, often called “spousal support” is when one spouse pays the other spouse in order to help that spouse maintain the same financial standard of living as was experienced during the marriage. A divorce court will often require the higher earning spouse to assist the lower earning spouse.

Awarding Alimony

A California judge can award temporary support (“pendente lite”) either during the divorce proceedings, or after the divorce has been finalized.  Alimony payments are made from one spouse to the other in a specified amount for a predetermined period of time. A support payment can also be paid in a single lump-sum. In collaborative process divorce agreements, spouses often come to agreement on the terms and conditions of support payments, which often includes tax agreements and child support tax agreements. As long as an alimony agreement meets legal requirements, a court will uphold an agreement. This is the case even if the divorce agreement provides for a complete waiver of support to the lower-earning spouse.

Duration of Spousal Support

In California, the duration of spousal support agreements are typically determined and based on the length of the marriage. A general rule of thumb is that for a marriage of less than 10 years, a court will not order support payments be made for longer than half the length of the marriage. But if a marriage has lasted 10 years or longer, a court typically will not set a definite termination date for support. Both spouses are able to request modifications to the spousal support agreement indefinitely, unless a termination date has specifically been agreed, or if the court expressly terminates the support at a later hearing.

Awarding Permanent Support

The awarding of “permanent” (meaning the support lasts for a lifetime) is rare, even for marriages that last over 10 years. Family law courts in California tend to require a spouse seeking support to make an effort to become self-supporting through obtaining employment. A spouse making claims they are unable to work, or unable to become fully employed, is required to support the claim with evidence. This typically means a  vocational evaluation must be done. For long term support orders, the support gradually reduces over time by a nominal amount. Permanent support is usually only awarded to spouses that are unable to become self-supporting due to age or disability.

A Family Law Attorney

There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Divorce Family Law

College Tuition and Divorce

One of the hardest things for divorced parents is handling the child situation. From child custody to child support payments, these types of situations can be difficult. And the thing that makes it the most difficult? Money. That’s why it makes sense that it takes a lot of planning and careful decision making when it comes to divorced parents and the college tuition dilemma.

Navigating College Finances and Divorce

Financial aid is a big part of sending kids to college these days. Most parents aren’t able to just foot the bill out-right, so most families are stuck dealing with the dramatic situation that is financing college tuition. The drama of this situation can be compounded by a divorce. Divorced parents are often divorced for a reason, and that reason is usually irreconcilable differences.

Irreconcilable differences means you and your spouse are not able to agree on basic, fundamental issues involving the marriage or your family, and you never will agree. While there is no set rule, the following are reasons for why a couple might decide to file:

wistful

  • Conflict of personalities
  • Emotional needs are not being met
  • The marriage is suffering from financial difficulties
  • Long physical separation
  • Difference in interests
  • Resentment
  • Distrust
  • Constant bickering
  • Irreversible antagonistic feelings

Chances are, if you are seeking divorce, or are divorced, there are a few things that you and your spouse do not see eye-to-eye on. That “thing” could very well be finances.

Finding Common Ground for College

One thing that divorced parents might be able to reach common ground on is their shared child’s education. Even if you and your spouse both agree to continued education, you’ll want to know what you’re getting into when it comes to finding a way to pay for that continued education.

Here are some helpful hints from Tiffany and Clem Clay, a couple going through navigating those waters:

1. There might be different meanings when it comes to “custody” and “parent.”

By now you are probably familiar with the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, better known as the FAFSA. That application asks for the custodial parent. According to Clem, that’s a loaded question.

“‘Custody’ is not the legal meaning, not the tax meaning,” he explains. “If I am determined the custodial parent, my ex might get upset and say ‘What do you mean I am not custodial?!’ They should use a different word.”

When filling out the FAFSA, you should know that “custody” is determined by which parent the student has lived with the most during the past 365 days. For parents that have joint shared custody, there is a second test that you can take that establishes which household provided more of the financial support during the past year. According to Clem, “that guidance is very ambiguous,” says Clay.

Additionally, the form requests information for Parent 1, the custodial parent, and Parent 2.

“If I would have put my kid in front of that form they would have said, ‘Parent 2, that’s my dad, right?'” says Tiffany Clay. “No. Parent 2 is my husband!”

2. Provide enough financial information, 
but don’t overshare when it comes to listing all family members.

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One common mistake is when families with multiple households list everyone’s financial information: mom, dad, stepdad, and stepmom.

According to Scott Weingold, managing director of the College Planning Network, that can be a costly mistake.

“You may be over-reporting your income,” Weingold says. Listing everyone, even if it’s not required, can change your situation and make you appear as if you have more money than you actually do. “A family that could have gotten aid from a school may be getting nothing now because it looks like they have more money available than they do.”

Weingold advises that parents focus on providing information for just the custodial parent, which will include a step-parent’s information if the custodial parent has remarried. While the federal government does not require information on the non-custodial parent to be included, the FAFSA does ask about child support received by the custodial parent. For many private schools, a non-custodial parent will be asked to provide his or her financial information as well. While this affects the amount that a private school might award, it does not affect the amount of federal aid a child might receive.

“This does get confusing and tense for families,” according to Dave Myatt, senior associate director of financial aid at Augustana College. “We get phone calls challenging why we need the stepparent’s information on the form in the first place. But we need the household’s information, including both individuals.”

This can be even trickier for couples that are not remarried, but live with a significant other. The non-parent is not legally a step-parent, but of course his or her financial contributions make up the household income. “If the parent is living with someone who is paying rent or utilities, that needs to be listed on the FAFSA as other untaxed income.”

3. Determine how involved a “non-custodial parent” should be.

This was a difficult things for Naomi Elliott to deal with, and one that most divorced but co-parenting parents go through – she wanted to avoid contact with her ex-husband as much as possible. She is the custodial parent. This became such a bone of contention that Naomi and her son Simon decided that Simon would only apply to schools that would allow the financial aid and financial aid application to be based exclusively on the custodial parent.

Of course this was not only a financial decision for Naomi, but due to her relationship with her ex-husband, it also became an emotional one. Naomi was unsure that Simon’s father would provide Simon with tuition money. Naomi did her research though, and found a number of schools that were not only a good match for Simon, but also schools that would not require information from the non-custodial parent to be included.

“I couldn’t afford a penny of his education,” says Naomi. She works as a real estate agent in Massachusetts. “The divorce wiped me out. I knew that I needed a financial package that was significant and didn’t ask me or my son to take out loans.”

Simon was accepted to Vanderbilt, where is a sophomore. “The school awarded my son $54,000 a year, which is a load of money,” says Naomi. The tuition covers everything but some living expenses. The difference is $10,000, and that is paid for by Simon’s father.

4. Prepare for the hard conversations.

When adding divorce into the mix, tuition costs can be harder to predict. As Clem Clay says,  families may be overly optimistic about financial aid offers if they are not well informed. When it comes to timing, he suggests that parents have an idea of what they’re going to do and the complexities of the financial aid process by the summer or fall of the student’s senior year at the latest. Kids are often at the mercy of a parents’ willingness and ability to pay tuition. That can often be the main sticking point of the decision-making process.

“There is no requirement that the higher-earning spouse pays for college,” says Jeff Landers, a financial advisor. “That is a huge misconception many women have.”

When it comes to the divorce process, child support and funding for education is one of the main things that is discussed. It should be explicitly spelled out in the divorce agreement.  “Otherwise you may find that one partner will suddenly say, ‘I’m not paying it,'” says Landers.

 According to Tiffany Clay, “This isn’t just a numbers game. It is a whole emotional roller coaster caused by the numbers.”

A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law Move Aways (Child Relocation)

Child Visitation Over the Summer

With the 4th of July and the summer just peeking ’round the corner, you might be facing the dilemma that comes with coordinating child visitation during the summer season.

Child Visitation Over the Summer

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There’s no reason why coordinating your child visitation schedule should add stress to the summer holiday season. There are some critical steps that need to be taken to ensure a stress-free custody situation. Before the season kicks off, reflect on which holiday is most important – whether it be Kwanza, Christmas, or Thanksgiving, 4th of July, or Easter. There will have to be some form of give-and-take, but if you can prioritize the holidays for yourself you might find you’re willing to negotiate a little easier. If both you and your co-parent value the same holiday the same amount, you should consider trading off the years. If you live close enough, and it’s not going to cause any drama, you might even want to split the day.

Get the Child Visitation Schedule in Writing Ahead of Time

Like most things with the holidays, managing a child visitation schedule closer to the actual holiday can add to the stress. Your child will also want to know where they are spending which holiday. Putting a plan in place far ahead of time, and putting it in writing will ensure that you aren’t deciding, or negotiating, on child visitation right up until the day before. Keep a record of the schedule, especially if you are trading off years for holidays. Having a plan in writing makes it impossible to forget how the holidays were split up the year prior. That way you can put your energy into actually celebrating the holiday, rather than stressing about who will be where.

Child Visitation

Often times, as part of a child custody ruling, a court will rule one parent has “supervised child visitation” rights. Here’s a little more information on what it means for visitation to be “supervised.”

Why “Supervised Child Visitation”?

California’s public policy on child custody is to protect the best interest of a child. And sometimes, based on what has been presented in court, a judge will rule the child only have contact with a parent when a neutral third party is present. Thus, the visitation rights are “supervised.” Reasons Behind Ruling

A judge may rule for supervised visitation for many reasons, such as:

  • To allow the visiting parent an opportunity to address specific issues;
  • In the case of reintroducing a parent and child after a long absence;
  • In the case of introducing a parent to a child;
  • A parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, or substance abuse;
  • When there are concerns of mental illness; or
  • If there is a parental threat of abduction.

A court will order specific times and durations for the visits. The court might also specify who will provide the supervision during these visits.

Supervised Child Visitation Providers

A supervised visitation provider’s main responsibility is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. The provider might be a family member, a friend, or a paid professional. A provider must be present at all times during the visit. Additionally, they are required to listen to what is being said, while paying close attention to the child’s or children’s behavior. If the provider deems it necessary, they may interrupt or end a visit. And legally, all providers must report suspected child abuse.

Types of providers

According to law, there are 2 types of supervised visitation providers:

  • Nonprofessional providers – usually family or friend who is not paid to provide their supervision
  • Professional providers – trained and experienced with providing supervision. They charge a fee for the service and are also required to follow a uniform standards of practice.

The court order will declare which type of provider you will be required to have during these visits.

Reasons for Ruling for Supervision

A judge may decide on supervised visitation for many reasons. These can include, but are not limited to the following:

  • A visiting parent might need an opportunity to address a specific issue.
  • When a parent and child are reintroduced after a long period of absence.
  • When a parent is first being introduced to a child
  • When a parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse, and neglect, or substance abuse.
  • When concerns about mental illness have been expressed
  • When there is a potential abduction threat.

In addition to a “supervised” ruling, the court will also order specific times and durations for the meetings. The court will also specify what type of supervision will be required during the visits: either professional or non-professional.

Professional and Non-Professional Supervision

There are two types of supervision: professional and non-professional. Non-professional providers are usually family members or friends. A professional provider is trained and experienced in child visitation visits. For a fee or service, they attend the visits. They also follow a standard uniform of practice.

A provider’s main purpose for attendance is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. They must not only be present the entire time, but are also required to listen to what is being said, while also closely monitoring the child’s or children’s behavior. If the supervisor deems it necessary, they are able to interrupt or end a visit. They are required by law to report suspected child abuse.

Co-Parenting

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Though co-parenting can be difficult, it’s always advised that parents try to work out a co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting is a crucial part of your child’s life. You will not be able to raise a child successfully if you do not get a handle on this. No child wants to see their parents fighting, or feel as if they are being tugged between two sides of a war.

You might need to consult a therapist or lawyer to get some groundwork laid for this new relationship. Bottom line: just try to be adults. You might have to dig deep to find that “adult” in there, and you might not want to, but you have to, for your child’s sake. Find an approach that will work for you (for the both of you) and then start from that point.

Kids Interests First

Putting your child’s best interests above your own are the only way to build a successful co-parenting situation while creating an amicable relationship with your ex. You two don’t need to be best friends that talk a million times a day. You just need to find a way to make this work, kind of like being assigned to a lab partner in high school that you just couldn’t stand. You had to work together to get through the assignment and to get the A+ grade that you wanted. If you could make that work in high school, you can make this relationship work as an adult.

This can be done in a number of ways:

  • Work out a method of communication. This can be done through email or text. Being able to write it down helps to create a “paper trail” should there be disputes. But this is also a great way to just remove the emotions and stick to the fact.
  • Remove the emotion during interaction – either in person or via communication
  • Schedule it out. This means weekly routines as well as vacation and other important events.
  • Be flexible
  • Commit to being cooperative. This might be a stretch, but you will need to cooperate.

This is not always an easy process, but once you have these basic things under your belt, it will be easier.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

If you’re having trouble working with your co-parent on putting together a child visitation schedule, you might want to consider working with a family law attorney that works with child custody issues. Having a go-between can help ease any tension surrounding negotiations, especially when the negotiations revolve around important family moments like the holiday season.

For advice on child visitation, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co