Category: Divorce

Divorce Law LA blog posts about Divorce.

Child Visitation Over the Summer

Post author By Scott
Post date July 2, 2018

With the 4th of July and the summer just peeking ’round the corner, you might be facing the dilemma that comes with coordinating child visitation during the summer season.

Child Visitation Over the Summer

There’s no reason why coordinating your child visitation schedule should add stress to the summer holiday season. There are some critical steps that need to be taken to ensure a stress-free custody situation. Before the season kicks off, reflect on which holiday is most important – whether it be Kwanza, Christmas, or Thanksgiving, 4th of July, or Easter. There will have to be some form of give-and-take, but if you can prioritize the holidays for yourself you might find you’re willing to negotiate a little easier. If both you and your co-parent value the same holiday the same amount, you should consider trading off the years. If you live close enough, and it’s not going to cause any drama, you might even want to split the day.

Get the Child Visitation Schedule in Writing Ahead of Time

Like most things with the holidays, managing a child visitation schedule closer to the actual holiday can add to the stress. Your child will also want to know where they are spending which holiday. Putting a plan in place far ahead of time, and putting it in writing will ensure that you aren’t deciding, or negotiating, on child visitation right up until the day before. Keep a record of the schedule, especially if you are trading off years for holidays. Having a plan in writing makes it impossible to forget how the holidays were split up the year prior. That way you can put your energy into actually celebrating the holiday, rather than stressing about who will be where.

Child Visitation

Often times, as part of a child custody ruling, a court will rule one parent has “supervised child visitation” rights. Here’s a little more information on what it means for visitation to be “supervised.”

Why “Supervised Child Visitation”?

California’s public policy on child custody is to protect the best interest of a child. And sometimes, based on what has been presented in court, a judge will rule the child only have contact with a parent when a neutral third party is present. Thus, the visitation rights are “supervised.” Reasons Behind Ruling

A judge may rule for supervised visitation for many reasons, such as:

To allow the visiting parent an opportunity to address specific issues;
In the case of reintroducing a parent and child after a long absence;
In the case of introducing a parent to a child;
A parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, or substance abuse;
When there are concerns of mental illness; or
If there is a parental threat of abduction.

A court will order specific times and durations for the visits. The court might also specify who will provide the supervision during these visits.

Supervised Child Visitation Providers

A supervised visitation provider’s main responsibility is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. The provider might be a family member, a friend, or a paid professional. A provider must be present at all times during the visit. Additionally, they are required to listen to what is being said, while paying close attention to the child’s or children’s behavior. If the provider deems it necessary, they may interrupt or end a visit. And legally, all providers must report suspected child abuse.

Types of providers

According to law, there are 2 types of supervised visitation providers:

Nonprofessional providers – usually family or friend who is not paid to provide their supervision
Professional providers – trained and experienced with providing supervision. They charge a fee for the service and are also required to follow a uniform standards of practice.

The court order will declare which type of provider you will be required to have during these visits.

Reasons for Ruling for Supervision

A judge may decide on supervised visitation for many reasons. These can include, but are not limited to the following:

A visiting parent might need an opportunity to address a specific issue.
When a parent and child are reintroduced after a long period of absence.
When a parent is first being introduced to a child
When a parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse, and neglect, or substance abuse.
When concerns about mental illness have been expressed
When there is a potential abduction threat.

In addition to a “supervised” ruling, the court will also order specific times and durations for the meetings. The court will also specify what type of supervision will be required during the visits: either professional or non-professional.

Professional and Non-Professional Supervision

There are two types of supervision: professional and non-professional. Non-professional providers are usually family members or friends. A professional provider is trained and experienced in child visitation visits. For a fee or service, they attend the visits. They also follow a standard uniform of practice.

A provider’s main purpose for attendance is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. They must not only be present the entire time, but are also required to listen to what is being said, while also closely monitoring the child’s or children’s behavior. If the supervisor deems it necessary, they are able to interrupt or end a visit. They are required by law to report suspected child abuse.

Co-Parenting

Though co-parenting can be difficult, it’s always advised that parents try to work out a co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting is a crucial part of your child’s life. You will not be able to raise a child successfully if you do not get a handle on this. No child wants to see their parents fighting, or feel as if they are being tugged between two sides of a war.

You might need to consult a therapist or lawyer to get some groundwork laid for this new relationship. Bottom line: just try to be adults. You might have to dig deep to find that “adult” in there, and you might not want to, but you have to, for your child’s sake. Find an approach that will work for you (for the both of you) and then start from that point.

Kids Interests First

Putting your child’s best interests above your own are the only way to build a successful co-parenting situation while creating an amicable relationship with your ex. You two don’t need to be best friends that talk a million times a day. You just need to find a way to make this work, kind of like being assigned to a lab partner in high school that you just couldn’t stand. You had to work together to get through the assignment and to get the A+ grade that you wanted. If you could make that work in high school, you can make this relationship work as an adult.

This can be done in a number of ways:

Work out a method of communication. This can be done through email or text. Being able to write it down helps to create a “paper trail” should there be disputes. But this is also a great way to just remove the emotions and stick to the fact.
Remove the emotion during interaction – either in person or via communication
Schedule it out. This means weekly routines as well as vacation and other important events.
Be flexible
Commit to being cooperative. This might be a stretch, but you will need to cooperate.

This is not always an easy process, but once you have these basic things under your belt, it will be easier.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

If you’re having trouble working with your co-parent on putting together a child visitation schedule, you might want to consider working with a family law attorney that works with child custody issues. Having a go-between can help ease any tension surrounding negotiations, especially when the negotiations revolve around important family moments like the holiday season.

For advice on child visitation, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags child visitation, coparenting, coparenting schedule, visitation, visitation schedule

Divorce Family Law

Divorce Crisis or Marriage Crisis?

Post author By Scott
Post date June 29, 2018

Divorce is common in Hollywood. This is a fact we all know. All we have to do is wait in line for a few minutes at our local grocery store. The tabloids are piled high with stories of divorces and how much so-and-so will receive in their divorce settlement. And up until a few recently released studies, we also thought we knew that the divorce rate was 50% and that one in two marriages ended in divorce. But the idea that America is a divorce crisis might not be all that accurate. We actually might be in the middle of an actual marriage (as in getting married) crisis. Seems like a ton of people are questioning how blissful “wedded bliss” actually is.

Some Statistics to Consider

Our thoughts on divorce and marriage might be shifting in a way that we weren’t quite aware of. Consider these statistics:

Though the overall divorce rate is dropping slightly across the nation, it’s actually on the rise among 25- to 29-year-olds. All this is according to the latest U.S. Census.
One in 10 first marriages fails within five years.
There are fewer marriages actually happening in the first place. According to Pew Research Center analysis, only 51 percent of adults today are married. That’s compared to 72 percent in 1960. From 2009 to 2010 alone, new marriages fell 5 percent.
According to government data, more than half of the births by women under 30 now occur out of wedlock. “This is quite amazing,” says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University. “A hundred years ago, if you had a child out of marriage, you’d be a social disgrace. Today women feel comfortable enough economically and culturally to bring up a child without a recognized commitment from a man.”

Conclusions

This data is compelling enough, and might just show that we have a marriage problem, not a divorce problem. So does it make sense to say that marriage is a failing trend that could soon just be something that people “used to do”?

Will Marriage Be a Thing of the Past? A Survey

A recent survey done by Glamour magazine asked more than 2,100 women and over 1,000 men ages 18 to 40, if they felt that marriage in America could soon become part of American history. There answers prove it’s still up for debate.

Married Someday

Of the men and women asked, 92 percent say they want to get married someday. The dream of a big white wedding day is alive in most peoples hearts. But it seems that when the reality of marriage gets broken down, women are more skeptical. Half of those surveyed under 30 – which was 51 percent – feel that the institution of marriage is becoming outdated. “This is really a breathtaking statistic,” says Pamela Haag, Ph.D., author of Marriage Confidential. “If you’d asked this 60 years ago, a lot of women would have been too busy making dinner for their husband or running after their children to even take the survey, and they couldn’t afford to not be married. Today there are so many other options. Marriage might still be the preferred dream. But it’s not the exclusive dream.”

And a lot of women seem to feel that way. According to Melody Wilson, 26, from Washington, D.C., “At some point I would like to be able to say ‘my husband’ instead of ‘my boyfriend.”She been with her boyfriend for four years. “But if I never got married, I wouldn’t feel shunned or inept at relationships, which I might have if I lived decades ago.” Vanessa Vancour, 27, from Reno, Nevada, expands a little further: “Having a ring and legal documentation does not guarantee commitment, devotion, or happiness,” she says. “Weddings can be beautiful, but beyond the pretty dress and a few legal rights, I don’t see the point.”

It’s important to say that these two women, obviously, don’t speak for all women. In fact, 49 percent of those surveyed say that marriage really is a timeless institution. “I think it’s the ultimate sign of commitment,” says Megan Brames, 22, from Nashville. “I want to know my partner is serious about spending his life with me.”

Guys Thoughts on Marriage

This might sound surprising, but it seems that guys are even more traditional. Of those surveyed, 55 percent aren’t giving up on saying their vows. “Despite the myth that men are less committed, they are predisposed to desire marriage,” says Fisher. Apparently, it’s good old evolution playing apart. She goes on to explain: “He wants to keep the mother of his children around to ensure his DNA lives on.”

So Why the Loss of Faith in Marriage?

So then, why does it seem that more young women are losing faith in marriage? And could Hollywood and all that tabloid fodder be to blame? Apparently, yes, it does play a role. According to 44% of women in the survey: all the drama is fueling the divorce rate.

Research might be able to give us a reasoning for this. In 2010 a controversial study from Harvard University, Brown University, and the University of California, San Diego, suggested that divorce is catching. Meaning it can be spread. An example: A friend ends her marriage. That means your odds of following suit rise by 14 percent. When it’s a sibling that says “I’m done,” that percentage rises to 22 percent.

So it makes sense that in our digital and TMZ obsessed world, that stars which are “Just Like Us” can affect the way we view marriage and divorce. “I think of Heidi Klum as a friend,” says Ashley Spencer, 25, from Orlando, Florida. “I follow her on Twitter and love all her projects. I really thought she and Seal were going to go the distance. So when I heard she was getting a divorce, it was like hearing an actual friend was ending her marriage.” And Caitlin Brody, 25, from New York City took the Klum-Seal breakup hard. “They seemed in love beyond belief. He freakin’ had an igloo made for the proposal!” she says. “It can be hard to believe in happily ever after if even supermodels and award-winning musicians can’t make it.” What she’s saying that in a dream-world bubble, if they can’t make it work, then no one can. So is this realistic?

Celebrity Couples = Just Like Us? OR Not Like Us at All?

Celebrity couples have a unique list of challenges that typically differs from the average person. These challenges include: long stints on location with sexy costars and dealing with droves of love-struck fans seeking you out at all hours of the day. Laura Jansen, 24, from Los Angeles puts it this way: “I am just not on the same planet as Demi and Ashton.”

That being said, according to the survey, women were more affected by breakups among couples they know personally. Of those women, 63 percent say they get upset when a friend or someone they know goes through a split up. “It’s depressing,” says Wilson. “And sometimes I find myself hoping it doesn’t happen to me.” And it’s that feeling, according to Haag that, “gets at the ripple effect of anxiety and fear that one divorce can have among friends. While divorce might not be, strictly speaking, a viral phenomenon, I’ve seen how catalyzing one breakup can be within a small community.”

How Celeb Divorces Help

But celebrity divorces can actually help in this regard. Often times with divorce, whether it’s your mom or dad, you, or a family friend, it can be kept hush-hush and no one is allowed to talk about it. “While it can be difficult to speak our mind when someone close to us divorces, riffing on Heidi and Seal helps us to process it,” says Eric Klinenberg, Ph.D., a New York University professor of sociology and author of the new book Going Solo. “We’re interested in celebrities’ revolving-door marriages because so many of us have experienced the same thing among our circle.”

Upside

There might be another upside to this change in views towards marriage: the pressure is being taken off women to get married. Almost a third of the women surveyed said she’d feel fine going through the rest of her life checking off the single box. Also, 59 percent of the women feel that divorce is healthy if the people in the marriage fall out of love. “Thirty years ago people in a bad marriage felt they had to justify getting divorced—to themselves and to their friends and family,” says Klinenberg. “Today they have to justify staying together. Very few think that if they get divorced, their life will be over. The country is full of single people living big lives.”

But what do people actually want from marriage today? Something truly great. And now that marriage seems as if it’s more “option” than “standard,” according to experts, we have higher expectations of it. “There’s a real strengthening of the idea that marriage is now about personal growth and fulfillment,” says Andrea L. Press, Ph.D., professor of media studies and sociology at the University of Virginia. As Laura from L.A. puts it, “Getting married is really important to me, but I won’t do it unless it’s going to be amazing.”

Fisher advises that if an amazing marriage is your dream, then follow that — just don’t pretend that divorce is something that might not happen to you. “Learn from what’s going on around you,” she says. “Why are your friends breaking up? Is it money, cheating, issues over kids? The brain is built for love, but knowledge is absolute power when it comes to surviving the ups and downs of marriage.”

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags Divorce, divorce crisis, divorce statistics, marriage marital crisis

Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce

Alicia Silverstone Loves Being Single Again

Post author By Scott
Post date June 18, 2018

Alicia Silverstone is not only excited about being available but also loves being single again.

Alicia Silverstone Loves Being Single Again

41-year-old Silverstone is back on the dating scene and she loves it. The 41-year-old American Woman actress recently expressed her enthusiasm about being single again. “I love it,” she told Redbook magazine. “Yes, I go on dates, and I find it very fascinating meeting interesting, intelligent, different people.”

She continued: “I’m super excited about being available and open to whatever’s next. Of course, there’s tons about it that’s confusing. I call my girlfriends and I’m like, ‘What does this mean?’”

Co-Parenting for Alicia

Silverstone and estranged husband Chris Jarecki announced they were splitting up in February, after 20 years of marriage. Her and Jarecki have worked to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship for their 7-year-old son Bear. The Clueless star says that “obviously, it’s heartbreaking.” She added: “You don’t ever think you’ll be apart when you get married. All I can really say is that we’ll co-parent Bear together, and this is completely a good thing for both of us.”

Silverstone’s current role in the series American Woman mirrors her current life situation. Her character — Bonnie Nolan — is a mom raising her children while working on her career and struggling with a divorce.

“I’m always bringing all of myself to every single part that I play, because obviously that’s what I love to do,” Silverstone has said. “I read the script and loved the story and thought it was great … I just fell in love with the role, I thought, ‘What an incredible role for an actress to do, to get to be so many different things and to get to be so strong and so vulnerable.’ She goes through so much and she’s just fighting for her life.”

Move Forward After Divorce Just Like a Celebrity

We know celebrities go through divorce… a lot. But they also take the time to move forward. And they do so in various ways. Some decide to stay out of the limelight – they take a break from social media, etc… Others decide to go for the revenge body. Others immediately jump into new roles and the work they became famous for. Whatever route you choose, make sure it serves your purpose.

Moving forward after divorce means that every day you will need to purposefully carve out time progress and improve. It’s so easy for life to get sucked into the vacuum of a busy schedule. As Professor Harold Hill once said: “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.”

Get Out of Survival Mode

Following your divorce, you might find your life is filled with the nonessential and trivial. Do you check your ex-spouse’s Facebook every day to see if he or she is dating someone new? Do you obsess and get frustrated with every communication that comes from your ex? Are you resentful? How are you channeling all these new feelings? Are you just trying to survive?

It’s time to take your life back into your own hands.

It’s not uncommon to realize that you were living your life on someone else’s terms. But everything is in your hands now. With a lot of work and strong intention, you can design your future. You have to realize you are responsible and you must decide to make a change. Here are some first steps to making that giant leap into your new life:

Wake up
Get yourself in the zone
Get yourself moving
Eat well
Get ready and inspired
Get perspective
Do something that will move you forward

Get Enough Sleep

Despite the fact that sleep is just as important for life as eating and drinking water, millions of people do not get enough sleep.

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 40 million Americans suffer from over 70 different sleep disorders. Additionally, 60 percent of adults and 69 percent of children have one or more sleep problems at least a few nights during a week.

It makes sense then that more than 40 percent of adults experience daytime sleepiness that is severe enough to interfere with daily activities at least a few days every month.

Getting the right amount of sleep can help you have a longer life, increased creativity, memory, attention, and focus. It can help to lower stress and your risk for depression.

Bottom line: you need your beauty sleep.

Find Clarity and Abundance

You need to focus on moving forward toward the positive things in your life. What you set your focus on expands. After waking up from a restful night’s sleep, prayer and meditation can help you orient yourself toward the positive.

Focus on what you are grateful for. This could be the fact that you are out of a relationship and marriage that did not serve you. Maybe you’re just grateful for the fact the sun is shining. There are limitless opportunities and possibilities for you. That air of gratefulness will only draw more positive and good to you.

Start every morning by getting yourself into a space of gratitude and clarity.

Get Some Physical Activity

By now you know you need to get your exercise. Still, according to the Center for Disease Control’s National Health Interview Survey, only one-third of American men and women between the ages of 25 to 64 engage in regular physical activity.

Regular exercise is can decrease your chance of depression, anxiety, and stress. It’s also been linked to higher success in people’s careers. Any form of exercise works: the gym, yard work, cleaning. Just get your body moving and every aspect of your life will thrive.

Eat/Drink 30 Grams of Protein

Eating protein first thing decreases cravings for white carbohydrates (the type of carbs that can make you fat. Donald Layman, professor emeritus of nutrition at the University of Illinois, recommends eating or drinking at least 30 grams of protein for breakfast. In The 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferriss, he recommends getting 30 grams of protein 30 minutes after waking up.

Food rich in protein will help you feel fuller for longer because they take longer for the body to digest. Protein also keeps blood-sugar levels steady, and thus prevents hunger spikes.

According to Ferriss, eat at least 40% of your breakfast calories as protein: two to three whole eggs, turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese. You can also do a protein shake made with water. If you follow a vegetarian or vegan diet you can eat legumes, greens, nuts, and seeds.

Take A Cold Shower

Every morning motivational speaker and life coach Tony Robbins jumps into a 57-degree Fahrenheit swimming pool.

Cold water immersion has been shown to radically facilitate physical and mental wellness with regular practice. It not only changes your body’s immune, lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems, but it can also increase weight-loss because it boosts your metabolism.

A study done in 2007 found that cold water triggers mood-boosting neurochemicals that make people feel happier. The study concluded that because of this, taking cold showers routinely can help treat depression symptoms. Often, cold showers are more effective than prescription medications.

Sure, none of us wants to step into a cold shower, but try to think of it like getting into a swimming pool. The first 20 seconds feels terrible, but once you’ve done it, it’s fine.

Those who do this report feeling an increase in willpower, creativity, motivation, and inspiration.

Do You Have a Life Vision?

If you haven’t written down your short and long-term goals, you should. Just reviewing them a few minutes a day can put your day into perspective. Chances are some things have changed after your divorce. Take some time to re-focus your energy on what you really want to accomplish.

Reading your long-term goals every day will make sure you think about them every day. As you spend your days working towards your goals, they’ll manifest.

There’s a science to achieving goals, which removes the confusion and ambiguity of them. If you stick to a pattern, you can accomplish your goals, regardless of if they are large or small.

Write them down and review them every single day.

Moving Forward

A divorce can shatter your life if you let it. So don’t let it.

Every day you can move forward with these steps. Put a plan in place to succeed. Every step on that plan brings you closer to your dreams. Maybe that means finally having a day where you don’t feel guilty or sad about your divorce. Maybe it’s a day of less resentment. Maybe it’s a day where you focus on getting healthy by preparing a good meal for yourself.

Making small steps every day like the ones outlined above will change your life. And as a result, the universe will respond to you in beautiful ways.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

Whatever your reason is for divorce, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags Alicia Silverstone, celebrity divorce, coparenting

Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Jenna Dewan is Moving Forward

Post author By Scott
Post date June 5, 2018

We all knew her as Jenna Dewan Tatum – now she’s minus the “Tatum” and talking about her life after divorce from ex-husband Channing.

Jenna Dewan is Moving Forward

In April, after nearly nine years of marriage, Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum, announced they were separating. In a recent interview, Dewan reveals that her new life has become “a new normal where there is a lot of love.”

The two are figuring out co-parenting their 4-year-old daughter, Everly. “We’re just getting used to it. We’re in a very positive energy together, trying to be the best parents to Everly,” the World of Dance star said. “We support each other.”

“The moves I’m making are completely not related to my marriage or separation, interestingly enough. I was always very happy being a wife. Those feelings [Who are you? What do you want to give to the world? What excites you?] started bubbling up for me, naturally…so I really wanted to expand my life, and myself. And that was my journey, no one else’s,” she said.
“I feel a sense of joy and freedom and excitement, truly, about a new chapter in my life. And I have no attachments to how that’s going to look, or what that’s going to be. I feel really open, and I feel hopeful.”

After Divorce

After getting divorced it can take some time for your life to resettle. What was a crazy tumultuous time will, without a doubt, remain that way for a while. This can be especially true if you have kids and are now part of a co-parenting couple. But as Hollywood has shown us, there are ways that you can move forward after your divorce.

Moving forward after divorce means that every day you will need to purposefully carve out time progress and improve . It’s so easy for life to get sucked into the vacuum of a busy schedule. As Professor Harold Hill once said: “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.”

Get Out of Survival Mode

Following your divorce you might find your life is filled with the nonessential and trivial. Do you check your ex-spouse’s Facebook every day to see if he or she is dating someone new? Do you obsess and get frustrated with every communication that comes from your ex? Are you resentful? How are you channeling all these new feelings? Are you just trying to survive?

It’s time to take your life back into your own hands.

It’s not uncommon to realize that you were living your life on someone else’s terms. But everything is in your hands now. With a lot of work and strong intention you can design your future. You have to realize you are responsible and you must decide to make a change. Here are some first steps to making that giant leap into your new life:

Wake up
Get yourself in the zone
Get yourself moving
Eat well
Get ready and inspired
Get perspective
Do something that will move you forward

Get Enough Sleep

Despite the fact that sleep is just as important for life as eating and drinking water, millions of people do not get enough sleep.

It makes sense then that more than 40 percent of adults experience daytime sleepiness that is severe enough to interfere with daily activities at least a few days every month.

Getting the right amount of sleep can help you have a longer life, increased creativity, memory, attention, and focus. It can help to lower stress and your risk for depression.

Bottom line: you need your beauty sleep.

Find Clarity and Abundance

Start every morning by getting yourself into a space of gratitude and clarity.

Get Some Physical Activity

Eat/Drink 30 Grams of Protein

Food rich in protein will help you feel fuller for longer because they take longer for the body to digest. Protein also keeps blood-sugar levels steady, and thus prevents hunger spikes.

Take A Cold Shower

Every morning motivational speaker and life coach Tony Robbins jumps into a 57-degree Fahrenheit swimming pool.

Sure, none of us wants to step into a cold shower, but try to think of it like getting into a swimming pool. The first 20 seconds feels terrible, but once you’ve done it, it’s fine.

Those who do this report feeling an increase in willpower, creativity, motivation, and inspiration.

Do You Have a Life Vision?

Reading your long-term goals every day will make sure you think about them every day. As you spend your days working towards your goals, they’ll manifest.

There’s a science to achieving goals, which removes the confusion and ambiguity of them. If you stick to a pattern, you can accomplish your goals, regardless of if they are large or small.

Write them down and review them every single day.

Moving Forward

A divorce can shatter your life if you let it. So don’t let it.

Making small steps every day like the ones outlined above will change your life. And as a result, the universe will respond to you in beautiful ways.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

Whatever your reason is for divorce, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags Channing Tatum, Dewan Tatum, Jenna Dewan

Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Spousal Support

What New Tax Laws Mean for Your Divorce

Post author By Scott
Post date May 31, 2018

If you’re planning to get divorced this year, you might want to act fast. New tax laws will be taking effect soon.

What New Tax Laws Mean for Your Divorce

The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act will effect divorces that happen after December 31, 2018. Under this new law, a taxpayer will no longer be able to deduct the alimony payments that are made to an ex-spouse. And the alimony recipient will no longer pay taxes on that income.

If you are going to be making alimony payments, or you even have a slight inclination that you might be facing alimony payments, you may want to have your divorce finalized before then.

The need for quickness? Since some states, such as California, require a six-month waiting period for a divorce to be finalized, if your divorce has not been started, you might miss the deadline for the alimony deduction.

“If someone is thinking of filing for divorce this year and they want to take advantage of alimony rules that are in place today, they need to start acting soon, because the clock is running out,” said Megan Gorman, managing partner at Chequers Financial Management.

In California, alimony payments generally last for half the life of the marriage unless the couple has been married for at least 10 years, in which case those payments can last for life.

Financial Tips for Your Divorce

Finances can be hard to manage in general, but if you are going through a divorce, they can feel almost impossible. There are a number of things to consider: will you be receiving alimony or paying it? Child support? What will your “single life budget” be? You’ll want to address these questions as soon as possible. Below we offer some financial tips for your divorce.

Build a Team

“Don’t go it alone,” says Mike Lynch, vice president of strategic markets at Hartford Funds. “Build a team today – a qualified team of legal, tax and investment professionals. Maybe it’s your current investment professional, or you may seek a new one that understands your situation better.”

But not just a team of legal and financial professionals – you’ll also want to build a team of “emotional professionals,” such as friends or a therapist that can help you deal with any emotional pain that you are experiencing.

There are some additional things you can do to help your emotional well-being, including:

Waking up and getting out of bed each morning
Get yourself in the “moving forward” zone
Eat well
Get inspired
Get perspective
Do something that will propel you forward instead of just dwelling

These can feel very hard to do following divorce, but if you can place one foot in front of the other, and just try to keep moving forward, it can help a great deal in not feeling overwhelmed by the experience.

Be Civil When Dealing with Your Ex

When it comes to working out aspects of a divorce, including marital property division, alimony, and child custody and visitation, you’re going to want to at least try to be civil with your ex. This might mean working with a relationship therapist that will advise the both of you on how to find a common ground. At the very least, you need to find a way to communicate with each other without having it end in a shouting match. Sometimes email is the best – where people can state the facts. Texts can also work. If you feel comfortable talking with your ex, just remember to record your interactions and what was discussed. Senior vice president of David A. Noyes & Co., Linda M. Conti knows divorce first-hand. “My parents went through a bitter divorce,” she says. “They separated when I was 3 and the divorce was final when I was 6. I grew up living through ‘what not to do to your kids during a divorce.’ I wish someone could have counseled my parents better through all aspects of the divorce.” You have to remember that staying calm is the best way to resolve the financial aspects of a divorce.

Property Division

Marital property division can be one of the most contentious aspects to be decided during a divorce. State laws govern how the marital property will be divided. You will need to check with an attorney to see if you live in an equitable distribution state or a community property state.

There are four other steps that need to be considered when diving marital property:

Identify the assets owned by you and your spouse
Categorize all assets as marital or non-marital property
A value will need to be assigned to the assets
Devise a plan for the division of assets that is in accordance with state laws

Consider Selling Shared Property

It’s always advised that you sell the primary home instead of having one spouse keep it. Retaining ownership of a home – or the question of who will retain ownership – can often lead to issues. Questions such as: who will take care of maintenance and who will take the utility bills need to be answered. It’s often advised that a couple sells their home and split the proceed of the sale. That way, both sides receive an equal amount.

When it comes to a secondary home, “It’s much more effective to sell the house and distribute the proceeds to the children,” says Ric Edelman, chairman and CEO of Edelman Financial Services. “You get into the issue of fights amongst the kids – issues of maintenance, repairs and upkeep.”

Work with a Divorce Financial Analyst

You might consider working with a divorce financial analyst that can help with your settlement by:

Locating assets. This also includes hidden assets.
Ensuring information about family finances is accurate and complete.
Developing a long-term forecast of how your divorce will affect your finances when it comes to retirement needs, tax liabilities, and benefits.
Developing a realistic household budget so that you know where you stand in terms of life insurance, health insurance, and cost-of-living increases.
Appraising and/or valuing assets.
Preparing financial affidavits that describe your financial and tax implications when it comes to various divorce settlement options.
Mediating a financial agreement between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

Update Your Beneficiaries and Your Will
Emily McBurney, attorney and qualified domestic relations orders (QDRO) expert, advises you update your beneficiary that is listed on your life insurance and retirement accounts. It might not make sense now if your primary beneficiary is your ex spouse.

“Review all of your accounts and insurance policies and change the beneficiaries. A divorce does not automatically terminate your former spouse’s rights to be the beneficiary on your retirement plans, bank accounts, and life insurance policies –- even though your divorce decree might say that your former spouse has waived all rights to the benefits,” says McBurney. “You will need to formally submit a change of beneficiary form to each financial institution. Otherwise, the benefit will be paid to whoever is listed on their forms at the time of your death — regardless of your divorce.”

You’ll also want to do this for your will.

According to certified divorce financial analyst Donna Cheswick, “Meet with an estate planning attorney to discuss your state’s laws regarding possible updates to your will, power of attorney and advanced directives. You want to be sure that your former spouse is no longer entitled to any distribution in the event of your death. And if your settlement agreement requires one party to maintain life insurance on the other, then there needs to be a method in place to be sure this is actually occurring. Just because the former spouse says they will do something, doesn’t mean that they are following through.”

Have a “Single” Financial Plan

When you were married, chances are you had a second income coming in to help with things like child care, the mortgage, and other utilities. You might now be receiving or paying spousal support or child support. You also may not be receiving any kind of support. Whatever your new financial picture is, you’ll need to know how to budget according to your new income amount. Putting this together before entering the divorce process will help you understand your needs following the divorce so you can come to a settlement that works.

Make sure you plan for college tuition, child care, children’s lessons, sports and activities, and your own retirement, taxes, transportation and housing. It’s hard to plan for the unknown future, but try to get an idea of what your 1 year, 5 year, and 10 year financial needs will be.

Financial Future

Considering your financial situation after your divorce can feel daunting and overwhelming, but if you take the right steps, you can be sure to set yourself up for financial freedom. It might take some tweaks but consider the fact that you are now completely in charge and able to make your own decisions regarding how your money will be spent. Embrace it, and embrace the freedom you now have.

A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case. For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags divorce taxes, Tax Cuts and Jobs Act

Divorce Family Law

Will Smith Addresses Divorce Rumors

Post author By Scott
Post date May 25, 2018

Will Smith is confronting the divorce rumors about him and wife Jada in a new song. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air actor recently shared a snippet of one of his new tracks, “To the Clique,” in which he raps about his personal life.

Will Smith Addresses Divorce Rumors

“Stop the divorce rumors and mind your damn business,” Smith, 49, says in the song. He and wife Jada, 46, have dealt with gossip about their relationship status throughout the entirety of their 20-year-old marriage. They do not comment on the reports often, though.

In “The Clique,” Smith praises his family: “The real-life Incredibles, last name Smith. Jada, Jaden, Willow, Trey — ya’ll ain’t f–king with my clique.”

As Smith recently wrote on his Facebook page: “Under normal circumstances, I don’t usually respond to foolishness (Because it’s contagious),” the Bright actor wrote on Facebook at the time. “But, so many people have extended me their ‘deepest condolences’ that I figured — ‘What the hell… I can be foolish, too!’ So, in the interest of redundant, repetitious, over & over-again-ness… Jada and I are… NOT GETTING A DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He added: “I promise you all — if I ever decide to divorce my Queen — I SWEAR I’ll tell you myself!”

There’s a common thought out there that there are things you can do to divorce-proof your marriage. Below we share these things, as well as what to do should you not be able to divorce-proof your marriage.

Can You Divorce-Proof Your Marriage?

Allow Some Freedom

We all need a little space from time-to-time. That means having the freedom to have some space. If you’re constantly making your spouse “ask for permission,” you’re going to feel like a parent, not a partner.

Agree to Disagree

You’re not going to win every battle and sometimes you’re not going to see eye-to-eye on everything.

Learn Each Other’s Fighting Styles

You might get emotional, he might stay super calm. Learn how each other comes at an argument and develop a strategy for how you want to tackle arguments.

Dress Up for Each Other

Married life can sometimes transition to sweatpants on the couch life. Remind each other of just why you fell in love with each other – there was probably at least some form of attraction there.

Make Sure You’re on the Same Page When it Comes to Children

Expect the Lows

Every relationship has its ups and downs. It’s all about how you deal with both ends of the spectrum.

If You Decide to Divorce, Consider Mediation

The mediation process allows for negotiation, during which everyone involved works toward an outcome that feels fair to both parties. This shared and agreed to outcome has become a popular option in the U.S. over the years, and has helped to settle 50-80% of divorce cases. Working through a divorce with a mediator allows couples to be less defensive and more informed about both sides. Mediators help to aid the process by offering advice and other alternate solutions that a couple may not have considered. Also, the process of mediation tends to take half the amount of time a divorce that needs to go to court does. On average couples spend at least 50% of the cost of an average divorce because of that decrease in the amount of time. This usually happens because you will not need to pay the legal fees of going to court and working with a judge as is usually needed for a traditional court proceeding.

Working Towards an Agreement

For a mediation process to work, both parties need to be focused on coming to an agreement. If the parties cannot agree to that, chances are it won’t work. A couple will then need to pursue a traditional court process. But mediation presents a positive environment for couples that want to avoid the combative and litigious process that often comes with going to family law court.

Preparing for Your Mediation

You and your spouse have decided that you want to avoid as much conflict as possible. You’ve both agreed to act like mature adults when it comes to ending your marriage with mediation. You have a mediation date set. Now you need to know what else to expect as you enter your mediation session.

Financial Documents

Before your first mediation session, make a list of all the assets you have. This list should include all financial information you have about: bank accounts, mutual funds, retirement funds, real estate, vehicles, timeshares, businesses, and stock. You’ll also need to prepare a list your debts including monthly credit payment, mortgage and home equity payments, private loans, and car loans. Make sure you have all the information, or at least as much as possible. Ensure the information is organized and in a form that will allow the mediator to be able to clearly review it during the session.

Leave Your Emotions at the Door

Mediation is meant to be a negotiation process, not one in which you start crying or screaming at your soon to be ex. Getting emotional will not allow you the clear head you need for the mediation process. This is not the time to “get back” at your ex-spouse. This is the time to negotiate, and not argue, so you can come to a final agreement. Remember the end goal and what you are trying to accomplish. You also need to be realistic. Chances are you will not walk away having received everything you wanted. Being able to look forward and remember that will help you stay out of the nit-picky weeds of settling a divorce agreement. Still, be forthright about what you want.

Scheduled Sessions

You, your spouse, and your mediator team will put together a series of scheduled sessions, during which you will all meet as a large group. The first session will be for disclosing all the “hard facts” about the marriage: joint and individual finances (bank accounts, debts, investments, retirement accounts and pensions) and assets (real estate, cars, other vehicles). Depending on how much you are able to get through in that meeting, you will also discuss the “soft” facts. This is the crucial portions of a marriage: family background and history; fears and concerns; issues regarding children, and other non-financial matters.

Once all the “facts” are on the table, the mediator or mediators help the parties identify a range of possible solutions. These solutions will take everything into consideration a well as what each party (and any children involved) will need to survive after the divorce.

The next step is the “solutions phase.” During this time, the spouses speak directly to each other about various options that have been presented and discuss whether or not those options do or do not meet their concerns. During this time, if it seems the couple is able to communicate without getting emotional or upset, the mediator keeps quiet. But if a couple gets stumped,, or if emotions and tempers flare, the mediator can choose to step in to keep them on task or provide a suggestion the couple might not have thought of. The couple is encouraged to do most of the leg-work in figuring out how to solve the problems. A mediator’s goal and role is to help identify options, keep discussions on track, minimize unproductive or hostile discussion, and to create and maintain a forward-moving momentum.

During the process the people that have the facts and are best equipped to make decisions – the people in the marriage – have control.

Reaching an Agreement

During the course of the mediation, or when the mediation is completed, a detailed written divorce agreement is drafted. This written agreement, when finalized and signed, is what you have been working towards during the divorce process. A judge will review this agreement in court. You will need to appear at the final divorce hearing so the judge can review the written agreement. In all successfully mediated cases, the court hearing is an “uncontested hearing” during which a couple presents its agreement to the judge and asks the judge to accept it. After that the divorce is final. It then becomes “the law” between the parties after the divorce. It is now legal and binding, just as it would be if the parties had reached an agreement through the standard process of hiring separate attorneys to represent each of them.

You will need to adhere to the provisions laid out in the divorce agreement regarding child custody and visitation, child support, marital property division, and alimony.

Mediation Just for Friends?

Mediation is also not a process that only works for couples that are “still friends.” A lot of couples that go through the mediation process do not get along but are able to because of the help of a neutral third-party mediator. This form of communication does, however, help open up lines of communications while allowing for misunderstandings to get cleared up. Both spouses are encouraged to move forward toward a solution. Still, it’s important for couples to remember that the solution is the goal, rather than opening up old arguments. While you might run into arguments during the session (that’s totally normal) you should not go into the session with plans of reviewing and “solving” old arguments. That is not the purpose of the mediation process. You are there to work towards one goal: a divorce agreement that you both agree to.

When Mediation Doesn’t Work

Often times mediation will not be the answer to your divorce. Chances are that if a couple was not able to get along during the marriage, there are reasons that mediation will not work. If you have met with a mediator and your spouse and are still not able to come to a decision regarding aspects of your marriage, chances are you will need to go the route of a formal divorce process. Do not consider that a failure! Divorce is difficult for everyone, regardless of the process.

A Family Law Attorney

There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce. You and your spouse will need to come to an agreement that settles every aspect of your marriage. Child support, spousal support, marital property division can all be agreed to through the process of mediation. Working with a skilled mediation attorney can help ensure you get a fair case. For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags celebrity marriage, Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith

Divorce Family Law Paternity Spousal Support

Determining Paternity

Post author By Scott
Post date May 15, 2018

Determining Paternity

There are numerous reasons for why you would seek to prove the paternity of your child‘s father. These reasons are not just for being able to receive child support. Being able to legally prove paternity also opens the door to the ability of your child receiving legal rights to social security or Veteran’s benefits, or possible inheritance – in the event that the birth father passes away.

What is Paternity?

Paternity is “the state or condition of being a father.” It’s important to establish this for numerous reasons – we will go into this further below – but either the mother or the father of the child may file the Petition to Establish Parental Relationship of a child. When paternity is established (should it not be evident) through a paternity test, a court will make decisions on the issues of child custody, child support, and child visitation.

Reasons for a Paternity Test

Financial

It can be hard to raise a child on one income. A mother seeking child support compensation will need to prove that the man she is seeking child support payments from is actually the father.

Un-Located Fathers

Often times a woman seeking child support will have to deal with a father that cannot be located. Most states have measures in place to track down these fathers that claim they are not the father. Once a man is located, a court will issue a paternity test to determine if the man is the father. This will then determine if the man needs to provide child support.

Helpful for Fathers

Paternity tests determine if a child is yours or not. If you are unsure of your paternity, a paternity test is the only way you will be able to legally say you do not need to make child support payments.

A Note About At-Home Paternity Tests

While many “at-home” paternity tests exist, only tests taken in court-approved locations can be deemed as legally official. These paternity tests require an approved official, such as a laboratory employee, to collect DNA. The test cannot be handled by either parent in order to prevent possible tampering.

Establishing Paternity

To establish paternity, you will need to do the following:

If you were married to your husband when your child was born, it is legally assumed that you are the legal father.
If you were not married when your child was born, you must legally determine the father of the child through a court-approved paternity test. This test will be the definitive answer on paternity.

Prove Paternity Cases

When parents are unmarried at the time of conception or birth of a child it can be difficult to establish paternal rights through a paternity case. Because these types of cases can be complex, it helps to consult an experienced family law attorney. Below are some legal guidelines for paternity cases.

California Family Code section 7570

California Family Code section 7570 states “there is a compelling state interest in establishing paternity for all children.” This is because “establishing paternity is the first step toward a child support award.” Paternity is used as basis for child custody and visitation orders. A father’s paternity must be determined in order for the child to receive the following: health insurance, social security, military benefits, and inheritance rights. The code states, “knowing one’s father is important to a child’s development.”

California’s Procedure For Voluntary Paternity

California has an established procedure for establishing voluntary paternity. When a child is born and the parents are unmarried, the parents are able to sign a Declaration of Paternity that establishes they are the legal parents of the child. Signing this form is completely voluntary for both parents.

This declaration can be signed at the hospital when the child is born. If signed at the hospital, the father’s name will go on the child’s birth certificate. This means that the mother does not need to go to court to prove who the father of the child is.

You are not obligated to sign the letter at the hospital. But, if the parents decide to sign this form after the child’s birth certificate has been issued, a new birth certificate will need to be issued with the father’s name.

Signing this form when you are unmarried parents saves both parties, as well as the court, time and money when it comes to determining paternity.

Child Custody

There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

1. Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

2. Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including: education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

3. Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including: joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Joint Child Custody Arrangements

Joint Child Custody can take various forms, such as:

joint legal custody – where the parents share the decision-making responsibilities.

joint physical custody – where children spend time with each parent separately.

joint legal and physical custody – a combination of the above.

Joint Child Custody – Advantages and Disadvantages

There are advantages and disadvantages to joint child custody. While it ensures children continue contact with both parents, children still need to be shuttled from one parent to the other. This can be a difficult situation for non-cooperative parents, and thus can be a hard situation for children stuck in the middle. Regardless of if parents are cooperative or non-cooperative, it’s crucial that all financial records of groceries, finances associated with a child’s after school activities, medical care, and clothing are kept. In cases where parents argue about these things, a judge will appreciate finely detailed records. If parents can maintain a positive parenting schedule and approach, and keep the child’s best interests in mind, joint custody can be a positive and comforting experience for a child.

4. Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parented that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent. It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parents has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Filing For Sole Custody

While most courts favor joint custody, if you feel the parent you share a child with is unfit you can file for sole child custody of your child. Here are the steps to do so.

File Correct Forms

You’ll want to either work with a court clerk or your family law attorney to determine which forms you’ll want to use when petitioning for sole child custody. The type of petition you file is dependent on your specific circumstances. Here are some examples of petitions to file:

petition to update existing child custody orders
petition to establish custody
petition to establish paternity and install custody

Make sure your family law attorney reviews all forms prior to your submission. This will ensure everything is filed correctly and in the way that will ensure the outcome you want. Make a copy for yourself and for the other parent. The court will keep the original.

Get a Mediation or Hearing Date

Once your sole child custody petition is filed, you will get a date for either a mediation session or court date. Both you and the other parent need to be present at this date in order to meet a final agreement regarding the child’s custody.

Work with a Family Law Attorney

The first thing you should do if you are seeking paternity or having to deal with custody disputes is hire a family law lawyer that works with child custody cases. A lawyer will be able to help you decide your best course of action based on your situation. Additionally, it’s important to remember that filing for child custody does not necessarily mean you get child support. But a child custody order does not automatically give you child support.

For advice on child custody or child support, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags paternity, paternity testing

Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Low and High Impact Divorce Impacts Children

Post author By Scott
Post date May 8, 2018

The Adobe Image Library ©1998 Adobe Systems Incorporated Silhouette of man and woman fighting

Low-impact and low-conflict divorces can often have more damaging effects on children than high-conflict and high-impact divorces.

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us, but in some marriages, the signs of divorce can be hard to spot for children. If you and your spouse have always had a low-conflict marriage, where there is little yelling, it can be hard for a child to understand where a divorce is coming from.

Dr. Paul Amato, a sociologist at Penn State University, and Alan Booth, also from Penn State, did a study a number of years ago on 2,000 divorcing parents and 700 children of divorcing parents. What they found is that, “From the child’s perspective, there is no evidence that anything is drastically wrong,” says Dr. Booth. “It is an unexpected, uncontrollable and unwelcome event where one parent leaves the home and the other is overwhelmed with the demands of single parenthood and a lowered standard of living.”

Dr. Booth suggests that marriages in which there are high amounts of conflict can actually be more beneficial to children because it can feel as if there is finally an end to a hostile situation. While we are never ones to argue for high conflict, it can make more “sense” to a child.

Whatever the reason or type of divorce you are going through, whether high or low impact, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions. This means learning how to co-parent with your ex-spouse.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth. When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case. For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags co-parenting, high conflict marriage, high impact divorce, low conflict marriage

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Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum: Learning How to Co-Parent

Post author By Scott
Post date May 1, 2018

Like most separated celebrity couples, Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum are keeping the focus on their child during their divorce.

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum: Learning How to Co-Parent

As their marriage comes to an end, the Step Up costars are making an extra effort to keep things as normal as possible for their 4-year-old daughter Everly.

As a source close to the couple recently made this comment:

“They will continue to be the best parents to Everly. Like other couples, they have had arguments and disagreements, but they were always very conscious about giving their daughter lots of love and a great life… The fact that they get along is everything.”

As we all know, divorce and figuring out how to co-parent is not uncommon for celebrities – just look at some of this advice from other celebrities:

Miranda Kerr: “We decided as a family it was the right decision for Flynn, so Orlando [Bloom] and I both relocated and we live five minutes from each other … Everything revolves around my son and his welfare.”

Gwenyth Paltrow: “I think, unfortunately, even though we couldn’t stay in a romantic relationship, our values are very much around the importance of family and the importance of those relationships and I’m lucky that we’re aligned in that way. And it’s been hard, and you know, we’ve gone through really difficult times with it, but we’ve always said these children are our priority.”

Ryan Phillipe: “You have to get to that point as a divorced parent, as any parent, where you’re not putting yourself first. You want the kids’ experience to be its own and not like, ‘Well, I need to have my time!’ We have been very good about that.”

Drew Barrymore: “It really is about the tone you set. And you can talk until you’re blue in the face, but kids watch what you do every single day of your life, all day long, and that behavior and that example and that love and community and honesty is just, I think, what’s making everything feel safe for my kids and that’s really the intention I had as a parent.”

Jennifer Lopez: “Marc [Anthony] and I are very good friends, we’re very supportive. I feel it’s my responsibility as a mom when their dad is not there to let them know that their dad loves them very much because that’s the doubt that they have when he’s not around or they haven’t seen him. That’s my job to do that the same way it’s his job when he’s with them to say, ‘Mommy is working and she loves you.’”

Divorce and Co-Parenting

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us. We become the 14-year-old girl or boy obsessing about every little thing. This can be especially true if there is any residual hurt due to a person leaving, or cheating, or falling out of love. Yes, it hurts, and it sucks, but whatever the reason for your divorce, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions.

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully, this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment, and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

Get it in Writing

Set High Intentions

Let Go of Wanting Control

Silence your Support System

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags celebrity divorce, Channing Tatum, coparenting, Jenna Dewan Tatum