Tag: co-parenting

Eliminate the Stress of Holiday Child Visitation

Post author By Scott
Post date December 17, 2018

With Christmas just peeking ’round the corner, you might be facing the dilemma that comes with coordinating child visitation during this holiday season.

Eliminate the Stress of Holiday Child Visitation

There’s no reason why coordinating your child visitation schedule should add stress to the holiday season. There are some critical steps that need to be taken to ensure a stress-free custody situation. Before the season kicks off, reflect on which holiday is most important – whether it be Kwanza, Christmas, or Thanksgiving, 4th of July, or Easter. There will have to be some form of give-and-take, but if you can prioritize the holidays for yourself you might find you’re willing to negotiate a little easier. If both you and your co-parent value the same holiday the same amount, you should consider trading off the years. If you live close enough, and it’s not going to cause any drama, you might even want to split the day.

Get the Child Visitation Schedule in Writing Ahead of Time

Like most things with the holidays, managing a child visitation schedule closer to the actual holiday can add to the stress. Your child will also want to know where they are spending which holiday. Putting a plan in place far ahead of time, and putting it in writing will ensure that you aren’t deciding, or negotiating, on child visitation right up until the day before. Keep a record of the schedule, especially if you are trading off years for holidays. Having a plan in writing makes it impossible to forget how the holidays were split up the year prior. That way you can put your energy into actually celebrating the holiday, rather than stressing about who will be where.

Child Visitation

Often times, as part of a child custody ruling, a court will rule one parent has “supervised child visitation” rights. Here’s a little more information on what it means for visitation to be “supervised.”

Why “Supervised Child Visitation”?

California’s public policy on child custody is to protect the best interest of a child. And sometimes, based on what has been presented in court, a judge will rule the child only have contact with a parent when a neutral third party is present. Thus, the visitation rights are “supervised.” Reasons Behind Ruling

A judge may rule for supervised visitation for many reasons, such as:

To allow the visiting parent an opportunity to address specific issues;
In the case of reintroducing a parent and child after a long absence;
In the case of introducing a parent to a child;
A parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, or substance abuse;
When there are concerns of mental illness; or
If there is a parental threat of abduction.

A court will order specific times and durations for the visits. The court might also specify who will provide the supervision during these visits.

Supervised Child Visitation Providers

A supervised visitation provider’s main responsibility is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. The provider might be a family member, a friend, or a paid professional. A provider must be present at all times during the visit. Additionally, they are required to listen to what is being said, while paying close attention to the childs ‘s or children’s behavior. If the provider deems it necessary, they may interrupt or end a visit. And legally, all providers must report suspected child abuse.

Types of providers

According to law, there are 2 types of supervised visitation providers:

Nonprofessional providers – usually family or friend who is not paid to provide their supervision
Professional providers – trained and experienced with providing supervision. They charge a fee for the service, and are also required to follow a uniform standards of practice.

The court order will declare which type of provider you will be required to have during these visits.

Reasons for Ruling for Supervision

A judge may decide on supervised visitation for many reasons. These can include, but are not limited to the following:

A visiting parent might need an opportunity to address a specific issue.
When a parent and child are reintroduced after a long period of absence.
When a parent is first being introduced to a child
When a parent has a history of domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, or substance abuse.
When concerns about mental illness have been expressed
When there is a potential abduction threat.

In addition to a “supervised” ruling, the court will also order specific times and durations for the meetings. The court will also specify what type of supervision will be required during the visits: either professional or non-professional.

Professional and Non-Professional Supervision

There are two types of supervision: professional and non-professional. Non-professional providers are usually family members or friends. A professional provider is trained and experienced in child visitation visits. For a fee or service, they attend the visits. They also follow a standard uniform of practice.

A provider’s main purpose for attendance is to keep the child or children safe during the visit. They must not only be present the entire time, but are also required to listen to what is being said, while also closely monitoring the child’s or children’s behavior. If the supervisor deems it necessary, they are able to interrupt or end a visit. They are required by law to report suspected child abuse.

Co-Parenting

Though co-parenting can be difficult, it’s always advised that parents try to work out a co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting is a crucial part of your child’s life. You will not be able to raise a child successfully if you do not get a handle on this. No child wants to see their parents fighting, or feel as if they are being tugged between two sides of a war.

You might need to consult a therapist or lawyer to get some groundwork laid for this new relationship. Bottom line: just try to be adults. You might have to dig deep to find that “adult” in there, and you might not want to, but you have to, for your child’s sake. Find an approach that will work for you (for the both of you) and then start from that point.

Kids Interests First

Putting your child’s best interests above your own are the only way to build a successful co-parenting situation while creating an amicable relationship with your ex. You two don’t need to be best friends that talk a million times a day. You just need to find a way to make this work, kind of like being assigned to a lab partner in high school that you just couldn’t stand. You had to work together to get through the assignment and to get the A+ grade that you wanted. If you could make that work in high school, you can make this relationship work as an adult.

This can be done in a number of ways:

Work out a method of communication. This can be done through email or text. Being able to write it down helps to create a “paper trail” should there be disputes. But this is also a great way to just remove the emotions and stick to the fact.
Remove the emotion during interaction – either in person or via communication
Schedule it out. This means weekly routines as well as vacation and other important events.
Be flexible
Commit to being cooperative. This might be a stretch, but you will need to cooperate.

This is not always an easy process, but once you have these basic things under your belt, it will be easier.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

If you’re having trouble working with your co-parent on putting together a child visitation schedule, you might want to consider working with a family law attorney that works with child custody issues. Having a go-between can help ease any tension surrounding negotiations, especially when the negotiations revolve around important family moments like the holiday season.

For advice on child visitation, you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags child visitation, co-parenting, holiday visitation schedule, visitation schedule

Family Law

Co-Parenting During Halloween

Post author By Scott
Post date October 31, 2018

Halloween can be a hard day for divorced parents that share children. Every parent loves seeing their kid dressed up. But how do you split the day up or split up the fun?

Co-Parenting During Halloween

Depending on what form of child custody you have, deciding on how Halloween will be spent can be difficult. There are different forms of child custody: legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, and joint custody.

Physical Custody

Physical custody means a parent has gained the legal right (typically through a court ruling) to have a child live with him or her. Usually, if a parent has physical custody they also have sole custody of the child, which means the other parent has visitation rights.

Sole Custody

There are two forms of sole custody a parent can have: sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Courts seem to be moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent as more information is coming out about the importance of having both parents in a child’s life. In cases where a parent has been deemed unfit due to a history of neglect or abuse, a known dependency on drugs or alcohol, or a new parent that has been deemed unfit, a court will usually award sole physical custody to one parent. It’s advised that unless a parent has demonstrated the above issues, that you do not seek sole custody, due to the importance of having both parents in a child’s life.

While the trend is to award joint custody, in cases where courts do award sole physical custody the parents still usually share joint legal custody (which means both parents are able to make legal decisions regarding the child), unless a parents has been deemed unfit to make those legal decisions.

Legal Custody

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding various aspects of a child’s life, including: education, religion, and medical care or legal issues.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is able to be awarded to the parents if they are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or if they never lived together but still shared a child. The awarding of joint custody to both parents means each parent is able to make decisions regarding the child. Joint custody also comes in various forms, including: joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or joint legal and physical custody. Usually if a couple shares joint physical custody they also share joint legal custody. But if a couple shares joint legal custody they do not always also share joint physical custody.

Learning to Co-Parent

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions

“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth. When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

Divorce Law LA

For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags co-parent, co-parent agreement, co-parenting, coparenting, divorce agreement, divorce settlement

Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law

Coparenting: There’s an App for That!

Post author By Scott
Post date July 31, 2018

With all the technology we have these days, you’d have thought we would have figured out absolutely everything. And maybe we have! Turns out, there are a number of apps that have been created to make co-parenting much easier.

Coparenting: There’s an App for That!

Below is a list of apps that were designed to help with co-parenting situations:

Our Family Wizard has an all-in-one calendar, expense view, and parenting agreements.

2 Houses was built for split houses – where children swap from house to house. This app allows co-parents to share photos, videos, as well as manage children’s expenses and co-parenting schedules so everyone’s on the same page.

If you’re dealing with a hard time communicating with your ex, the Coparently app creates an easy-to-use calendar, a way to track shared expenses, and also a place to keep contact information. Kids can be added for their communication ease without going between parents.

Cozi allows for parents to share calendar pages, and provides users with separate kids’ calendars so they can share with their co-parents, too.

Custody Exchange allows for co-parents to create a shared custody calendar.

Talking Parents is an online system-of-record for co-parents for couples that need proof of communication between parties in an effort to prevent further conflict or misunderstanding that may affect custody agreements or the children.

Learning to Co-Parent

Managing Emotions

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

You can’t keep living in the past either.

Get it in Writing

Set High Intentions

Let Go of Wanting Control

Silence your Support System

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

Divorce Law LA

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags apps, co-parenting, co-parenting apps

Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Low and High Impact Divorce Impacts Children

Post author By Scott
Post date May 8, 2018

The Adobe Image Library ©1998 Adobe Systems Incorporated Silhouette of man and woman fighting

Low-impact and low-conflict divorces can often have more damaging effects on children than high-conflict and high-impact divorces.

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us, but in some marriages, the signs of divorce can be hard to spot for children. If you and your spouse have always had a low-conflict marriage, where there is little yelling, it can be hard for a child to understand where a divorce is coming from.

Dr. Paul Amato, a sociologist at Penn State University, and Alan Booth, also from Penn State, did a study a number of years ago on 2,000 divorcing parents and 700 children of divorcing parents. What they found is that, “From the child’s perspective, there is no evidence that anything is drastically wrong,” says Dr. Booth. “It is an unexpected, uncontrollable and unwelcome event where one parent leaves the home and the other is overwhelmed with the demands of single parenthood and a lowered standard of living.”

Dr. Booth suggests that marriages in which there are high amounts of conflict can actually be more beneficial to children because it can feel as if there is finally an end to a hostile situation. While we are never ones to argue for high conflict, it can make more “sense” to a child.

Whatever the reason or type of divorce you are going through, whether high or low impact, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions. This means learning how to co-parent with your ex-spouse.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

Get it in Writing

Set High Intentions

Let Go of Wanting Control

Silence your Support System

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case. For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags co-parenting, high conflict marriage, high impact divorce, low conflict marriage

Child Custody Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law

Anna Faris Talks About Co-Parenting

Post author By Scott
Post date January 17, 2018

When Anna Faris and Chris Pratt announced their decision to divorce, they also noted that they would continue to put the well-being of their son Jack first.

Anna Faris Talks About Co-Parenting

Chris Pratt filed for divorce from Anna Faris in December 2017, just four months after the couple announced they would be separating. The couple’s commitment to their five-year-old son, Jack is obvious in everything they do.

“He’s surrounded by so much love,” Faris shared during a recent interview. “We constantly reinforce what a great kid he is.”

Anna, 41, went on to say they “try to discipline when he’s being a little bit naughty but I think the key is surrounding him with a lot of joy and happiness, which he has a ton of.”

She continued, “I think it’s those small moments in life, when your kid says something funny or like for me, I love what I do so I get a kick out of feeling like I nailed a joke well. And family and friends!”

Learning to Co-Parent

Managing Emotions

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

You can’t keep living in the past either.

Get it in Writing

Set High Intentions

Let Go of Wanting Control

Silence your Support System

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

Divorce Law LA

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags Anna Faris, Chris Pratt, co-parenting

Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Can A Bitter Divorce Harm Your Child’s Immune System?

Post author By Scott
Post date June 6, 2017

A new study from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh suggests a bitter divorce can raise a child’s risk of getting more colds in adulthood.

Can A Bitter Divorce Harm Your Child’s Immune System?

The study concluded that children of parents that separate and do not speak to each other are at an increased risk for developing colds as adults.

“Early life stressful experiences do something to our physiology and inflammatory processes that increase risk for poorer health and chronic illness,” explained researcher Michael Murphy.

The study included more than 200 healthy adults that were then exposed to the common cold virus. The adults whose parents had lived apart and were not on good communicating terms during the subject’s childhood were three times more likely to develop the cold than participants whose parents had stayed together. It was also found that adults whose parents separated but remained in contact did not have an increased risk.

“Our results target the immune system as an important carrier of the long-term negative impact of early family conflict,” said Sheldon Cohen, a professor of psychology at Carnegie Mellon.

It’s important to note the study only found an association – not a cause-and-effect link.

“This work is a step forward in our understanding of how family stress during childhood may influence a child’s susceptibility to disease 20-40 years later,” said Murphy said.

“They also suggest that all divorces are not equal,” Cohen said. He added that continued communication between parents can buffer harmful effects of separation on the health path of the children.

Divorce and Co-Parenting

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us. We become the 14-year-old girl or boy obsessing about every little thing. This can be especially true if there is any residual hurt due to a person leaving, or cheating, or falling out of love. Yes, it hurts, and it sucks, but whatever the reason for your divorce, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions.

Managing Emotions

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

You can’t keep living in the past either.

Get it in Writing

Set High Intentions

Let Go of Wanting Control

Silence your Support System

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags co-parenting, effects of divorce, immune system

Divorce Family Law

Co-Parenting with Yearly Family Portraits

Post author By Scott
Post date April 4, 2017

It’s hard to remember that “parenting” is the main portion of “co-parenting” because it’s so easy to get caught up in the “co” portion. But one couple has decided that it’s best to stay civil for the sake of their child. The way they’re staying civil? By taking family portraits every year.

Co-Parenting with Yearly Family Portraits

The parents of Bruce Dyson have promised to take family portraits every year as a family.

“The top two photos were taken when Adam and I were married. The bottom two, taken nearly one year and over two years after our divorce was finalized,” wrote Bruce’s mom, Victoria Baldwin, on a Facebook posting. “We are not in love, we don’t always agree, we’re not best friends, sometimes we don’t even like one another. But you know what we are? We are forever connected because of our beautiful, smart, kind, compassionate, funny son.”

Baldwin says that she and her ex-husband, Adam Dyson, weren’t always amicable following their separation. The two quickly saw that the tension between them was hurting Bruce and decided it was time to make a change.

“We had a heated discussion in front of our son, who sat crying at my feet,” she recalls. “And I realized the next day I was more focused on hurting his dad than I was on comforting Bruce crying. I knew that wasn’t the example I wanted to set.”

Sono, Baldwin booked a photo session for herself and her son and asked Adam if he wanted to join. That first photo session has now become an annual tradition.

“We both agree we’ll continue it,” says Baldwin. “We think a step-parent or long-term partner would be welcomed and would be an addition to Bruce’s life. I have ended potential relationships because they questioned intentions or the quality of Adam and my relationship. We aren’t romantic, but we respect one another. I won’t be with someone who wouldn’t accept that.”

Baldwin’s parents separated when she was young. She says that she doesn’t have a single photo of them together as a family because she wasn’t even two when they separated. She doesn’t want the same thing to happen to her son.

“Adam and I are not perfect co-parents, but we made a deal when we got divorced, to put our son first and to value the richness that we each bring to his life, for different reasons,” she writes. “So yes, we still have a family portrait taken, and I still pay good money to have the images printed, framed, and placed in our son’s bedroom; he may not grow up with parents who live in the same house… but he will grow up to see respect, kindness, empathy, compassion, perseverance, flexibility, and even sacrifice being modeled by both of his parents and he will know it is possible to fall out of love but never fall apart.”

Divorce and Co-Parenting

Managing Emotions

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

You can’t keep living in the past either.

Get it in Writing

Set High Intentions

Let Go of Wanting Control

Silence your Support System

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags co-parenting, yearly family photo

Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law Mediation Modification to Family Court Orders Move Aways (Child Relocation) Paternity

Learning How to Co-Parent

Post author By Scott
Post date December 12, 2016

Children, Sports, and the Increasing Number of Brain Injuries

It’s easy to do. You get a text message from your ex-spouse about not wanting to give up “their time” with the children you share to accommodate for a scheduling issue that you’ve run into. So you fire back a snarky text that sets off World War 3.

And then your son approaches you with: “I saw the texts you sent.”

It’s hard to remember that “parenting” is the main portion of “co-parenting” because it’s so easy to get caught up in the “co” portion.

Divorce

Divorce is not easy, and it often brings out the worst in us. We become the 14 year old girl or boy obsessing about every little thing. This can be especially true if there is any residual hurt due to a person leaving, or cheating, or falling out of love. Yes, it hurts, and it sucks, but whatever the reason for your divorce, it is never a good enough excuse to pull your kids along through the hurtful ride of roller-coaster emotions.

Managing Emotions

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a ‘Timeout’

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

You can’t keep living in the past either.

Get it in Writing

Set High Intentions

Let Go of Wanting Control

Silence your Support System

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags child visitation, co-parent, co-parenting, ex spouse

Child Custody Child Support Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce

Drew Barrymore Talks Divorce and Children

Post author By Scott
Post date May 3, 2016

While Drew Barrymore filed for divorce from husband Will Kopelman on April 1, she’s doing her best to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.

Drew Barrymore Talks Divorce and Children

Barrymore, 41, and art consultant Kopelman, 37, began dating in February 2011 and were wed in a lavish ceremony at the actresses house in Montecito, California in June 2012.

Last November she spoke openly about her and her husband’s relationship, saying, “My husband and I compromise on a lot of things … It’s the little things that you can change that can make a relationship stronger. Compromise is about changing yourself for the better. It’s an opportunity for you to become a more functional, better person.”

But it seems that compromising might have taken it’s toll. The two announced their separation on April 1, saying “Sadly our family is separating legally, although we do not feel this takes away from us being a family.”

This is Barrymore’s third divorce. She was previously married to Jeremy Thomas for just a few weeks in March 1994, and was also married to comedian Tom Green in July 2001. Green followed for divorce that December.

While divorce can be a tough time, it seems that Barrymore is moving forward, as is evidenced by the fact that the April 1 statement on divorce also included this: “Divorce might make one feel like a failure, but eventually you start to find grace in the idea that life goes on.”

While a source close to the couple revealed, “She’s disappointed this didn’t work. They both expected to be together forever. Things began crumbling shortly after they were married and the relationship unraveled over time,” it seems that the actress is moving forward.

As she told Pop Sugar, “I had a really hard time a couple of months ago and kind of knew life was heading in a new direction.” She went on to say, “I called someone that I really trust, respect, and believe in, because he has always been the conductor of grace. I said, ‘What’s your advice?’ And he said, ‘You put one foot in front of the other.’ I hung up the phone and I thought, ‘That is why I call this person.’”

Recently Barrymore opened up further about where she is now in terms of dealing with her divorce. “I think nothing is earned easily, but it doesn’t have to be heavy… It’s like, life is heavy enough — lighten up,” she explained. “I just love, like, how happiness seems like this lofty, hippie-dippie kind of notion and it’s not. It’s a really hard-earned thing, and to bestow it on others and to maintain it as a mentality, it takes work and it pays off.”

Focusing on Children

One reason that Barrymore has been able to move forward is because she is focusing on her kids. In their divorce statement, the parents of daughters Olive, 3, and Frankie, 23 stated, “Our children are our universe and we look forward to living the rest of our lives with them as the first priority.”

In fact, she credits her two daughters with completely changing her life. “My daughters have made me behave as the person I always dreamed to be,” she said. “It’s like, I would always climb that mountain and I would fail time and time again have a reaction that didn’t make me feel proud of myself or, you know, you’re just growing, trying to be the best person you can be but God, somehow my daughters have just pushed me over and I still fail all the time and I just get home at night and I’m like, ‘I didn’t lose it, I somehow took the high road cause you forced me to.’”

As she explained, she spends a lot of quality time with her girls. “When I’m with them by myself, which is all the time, they’re like, ‘We want to paint.’ I’m like, ‘I have to cook breakfast, you alone with the paints is going to be such a mess’… we’ll do palettes so they can only get so much paint everywhere.”

And while she’s all about the quality time, she’s also not afraid of letting her kids watch TV. As she shared, “You know what? It’s a good thing to occupy their time. I still love TV, too… but those mothers who are like, ‘I never let my kids watch TV.’ I’m like, ‘Oh, my God, I totally let my kids watch TV!’ Am I a bad mother?’”

Friends as Support

While it’s important to put your children first, it’s also important that you surround yourself with a strong support group if you are going through divorce. That’s exactly why Barrymore insists on her strong group of friends, including Cameron Diaz and Gwyneth Paltrow. “I think good women change your life. Girls were my original family. I didn’t grow up traditionally with, like, that dining room table sort of setting, my girls were my family and I love my journey and my destiny is to raise two daughters.”

She went on to say, “I think that the girls that I know, we work hard on our friendships, we’re not, like, fair-weather friends. We have growing pains. We have moments where for many years we’ve earned our friendship… girlfriends are not just a lightweight thing, it’s pretty deep.”

Moving Forward After Divorce

In addition to having great friends as a support system, there are some other tips you can follow in your moving forward process.

Perspective
Yup, it’s true, hindsight is 20/20. You have to walk through something, get a far way ahead of it, and only then can you look back and see just how important that process was. At that point you can see the beginning, the middle, and the end, and how that end is so clear and empty of emotional and clutter. Take this new clarity and run with it. That perspective can give you amazing information you need to change your own behaviors and to improve your future relationships.

Gratitude After Divorce

After you lose everything, you take nothing for granted. Divorce can be like losing everything: past memories, your present marriage, and future dreams. Let that be your determination to survive. But this is also a time to lean on friends and family that stepped up and stood by. They will lift you up, even when you can’t lift yourself. Be grateful for them, and try to show them that you are. If not now, then try to later.

Empathy
When you have felt pain, you honor and respect that pain in others. Divorce can make you more empathetic towards people facing any form of loss. You will move towards acceptance and forgiveness of your situation and your ex. And with this movement will come the ability to see things from other people’s viewpoints, making you a better friend, and a better person to be in a relationship with (down the line, when you are ready for one).

Divorce wipes away the ego that believes it’s shameful to ask for help. After you admonish this, you will be able to accept help for yourself, and then be able to offer help to others who are in need.

Responsibility
It’s easy to blame your ex, to place the responsibility for the divorce in his or her hands. We also might realize that all too often we have looked to them to provide happiness, or support for making decisions. This interdependency ends with divorce. It’s good to be interdependent, but divorce requires that you learn to be independent. You’re going to be steering this ship on your own. You’re going to have to be responsible for your own things now: happiness, support, etc. Let this empower you though, rather than make you feel lost or scared. You’re completely in control now. You can change. It’s your life now.

Humility

Divorce teaches us that no matter how much we want something to be true, we can’t force it into being. All those choice you made have consequences. And maybe now you are being forced to see them. Sure, you might have said “divorce will never happen to me,” but now it has. You’re going to have to admit that it can happen to anyone. Let this “slap” of reality force you to embrace acceptance while also redefining expectations. You’re not immune to anything.

Awareness
Divorce can be a wake-up call. Often times people realize they were living in a kind of “auto-pilot” mode when they said their “I dos.” The clarity and awareness you have after saying your “I Un-dos” might provide you with a sense of awareness that wasn’t there before. A lot of people turn to meditation and yoga during divorce because it settles the mind to allow for awareness. This mindfulness and consciousness will be helpful moving forward in your new life.

Ingenuity
Divorce is also a way to test your abilities… all of them. Your negotiating skills, your financial skills, your balanced budgeting skills, co-parenting abilities. You are the only problem solver now. You will need to work out how to afford your rent on a portion of the budget you once had. You will also need to learn how to co-parent, potentially with an ex you hate (for now). But the more you are placed in these new positions, the better you will become at those tasks.

Wisdom from Divorce
Divorce can be an opportunity for reflection and analysis. You are now raw and ready to learn new ways of doing things, in addition to just learning new ways to move on and cope.

Working with A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case. For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Tags celebrity divorce, Child Support, children divorce, co-parenting, Drew Barrymore