Category: Child Custody

Divorce Law LA blog posts about child custody.

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Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law Modification to Family Court Orders Move Aways (Child Relocation)

Rutherford-Giersch Custody Battle Continues

Last week a Manhattan Supreme Court judge ordered actress Kelly Rutherford to return her two children to their father, Daniel Giersch, who lives in Monaco. In doing so, the custody battle between the two rages on.

Custody Battle

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The judge’s decision came after the 46-year-old actress failed to send son Hermes, 8, and daughter Helena, 6, back to Giersch after spending the summer in New York with her.

“From the beginning I have said I will fight for my children,” she said in an interview.

It seems Giersch’s attorney are happy with the decision. “We are pleased that the American judicial system has prevailed,” said Giersch’s attorney Fahi Takesh Hallin. “Daniel’s request to exclude the press today from the courtroom was granted, to protect the children’s privacy. In addition, his stance of promoting Kelly’s time with the children has not changed.”

The custody battled has raged since 2012, when a California judge ruled that the children should live in France with their father after his U.S. visa was revoked. Since that ruling, Rutherford has fought to bring her children back to the U.S., but neither California nor New York have jurisdiction in the case.

“It puts me as a parent in an odd place if no one is taking jurisdiction,” she has said. “How do you put your kids on a plane not knowing what is going to happen?”

Giersch’s mother was in court to greet the children and return them to Monaco following the judge’s ruling.

Rutherford was supposed to have sent the children back earlier in the week, but released a statement announcing her decision to keep the children, writing, “I have decided that I cannot lawfully send my children away from the United States to live in a foreign country.”

Giersch’s legal team immediately fired back following the release of Rutherford’s statement, issuing a letter demanding that Rutherford send the children back to Monaco immediately. The letter was followed with a filing in New York County Supreme Court.

Child Custody and Co-Parenting

Given that the Rutherford-Giersch custody battle has been going on for years, it seems unlikely that the two will ever be able to learn how to co-parent successfully. It can be a difficult situation to work out, especially if parents live on different sides of the world. Still, people find a way to make it work.

Co-Parenting Advice

Here’s some advice from co-parenters that have been there before:

  •  “Remember this: Genetically, your kids are 50% your ex. Every negative thing you say about him or her, you’re saying about the kids, too.”
  • “Get a therapist for the kids during the divorce, not after. We did so and my kids really benefitted from having someone removed from the situation to talk to about their feelings. She encouraged them to open up and helped us sidestep a lot of serious issues.”
  • “Understand that some situations don’t lend themselves to co-parenting. Consider alternatives like parallel parenting. Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean that your spouse has changed.”
  • “Be empathetic about the grief they are experiencing. Encourage them to talk and don’t judge their feelings.”
  • “Try your hardest to co-parent. Be there for your ex so you two can support your kids as a team. It’s no longer about the adults so put any animosity aside and do what is in the best interest of your children.”
  • “If you’re allowing the kids to choose who they live with, don’t make them feel guilty about their choice.”

The most important thing you can do is remember to put your child’s needs first. If you keep the focus on them you’ll be able to avoid getting into emotional ruts with your co-parent. Focusing on your child’s needs will ensure that they always get what’s best for them.

Here are some more ideas for making your co-parenting situation work:

Time for a  ‘Timeout’

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Cooperation is Key

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”

Children, Sports, and the Increasing Number of Brain Injuries

Experts Weigh In on Rutherford-Giersch

According to Dan Abrams, a chief legal analyst that works for ABC News, Rutherford’s decision to keep her children in the U.S. was a “risky move.” He believes the U.S. State department has “to get involved now.”

“I called for them to get involved a while ago when [the kids] were in Monaco, saying they should bring the kids back,” he said. “I think they are going to have to get involved, I think they are going to have to make an incredibly hard decision.”

Move Away Child Custody

Child custody cases involving move-aways can be very difficult. If two parents have shared joint custody prior to the move it can feel almost impossible to find a new workable arrangement. States offer different laws regarding relocation custody, but as with all child custody cases, the best interest of the child is always taken into consideration. California has permissive move-away laws and takes the following into consideration when determining a move-away relocation:

  • Will the child’s lifestyle remain stable?
  • How far is the move?
  • Is the reason behind the move necessary?
  • How old is the child?
  • Will the parents be able to maintain a co-parenting relationship?
  • What does the child want?
  • What are the child’s individual relationships with each parent like?

Additionally, a move away request is considered a modification of court orders. If you are looking to modify original orders you need to be mindful of the current custody and visitation rights you have.  Working with an attorney is the best way to handle child custody relocation. Often time these cases can be difficult, especially if you are the non-custodial parent fighting against relocation. An attorney will be able to look at your case and determine the best course of action.

Next Court Date for Rutherford

The Rutherford-Giersch case is an interesting one due to the fact that Giersch’s U.S. visa was revoked for unknown reasons. The next court date for the couple is Sept. 3 in Monaco. It’s expected that the two will work out custodial decision making in addition to other matters.

 

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Marital Property Division Mediation Spousal Support

Stefani-Rossdale Divorce

Gwen Stefani is citing “irreconcilable differences” as her reason for divorcing husband Gavin Rossdale.

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“While the two of us have come to the mutual decision that we will no longer be partners in marriage, we remain partners in parenthood and are committed to jointly raising our three sons in a happy and healthy environment,” the couple said in a joint statement. “To that end, we respectfully request privacy from the media during this time.”

After touring together, Stefani, 45, and Rossdale, 49, were married in 2002. The No Doubt lead singer and Bush front-man have been rock royalty ever since the late 90’s.

According to the tabloids, the two have spent some time apart recently. Stefani recently posted pics to her Instagram showing her and her sons on a mini getaway in Montana. It was unclear if Rossdale joined the family for the vacation, as his Instagram suggested he was in London. But even just last year Rossdale took on tabloids that reported that the couple was headed for divorce, denouncing the rumors as a “load of bulls–t.”

“I’m pretty dry and I’ve got a decent sense of humor, so [reporters] say to me, ‘You’re doing this, you’ve got a new record…’How do you guys find time for each other?'” he said while appearing on The Howard Stern Show. “And I said, ‘We don’t, that’s why we’ve been together so long.’ I was f–king around, that’s funny to me. Where I’m from, that’s funny. And it was funny, for about a week, and then it’s like, ‘oh…interesting.’ So it’s just me and my big mouth.”

And just a few months ago in Cosmopolitan‘s March issue, Stefani said “I never really saw myself landing a guy that hot. I don’t know if I was a nerd in high school, but I definitely wasn’t the super-cute cheerleader so I never saw myself getting somebody like that.”

When speaking of her marriage and what made it work, she said  “We go through so much together—it’s a miracle that we could stay together this long.”

She went on to say, “[Gavin’s] on a short tour right now, and he wrote me the sweetest note this morning. It’s good to have those days when we both do our own things. I think that’s what keeps relationships going, when both people can be themselves and have their own individuality.

“That’s especially important for women,” she added. “It’s hard to find time for yourself.”

Stefani cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split in her divorce filing. Rossdale filed his response at the same time.

Irreconcilable Differences

Irreconcilable differences means you and your spouse are not able to agree on basic, fundamental issues involving the marriage or your family, and you never will agree. While there is no set rule, the following are reasons for why a couple might decide to file:

  • Conflict of personalities
  • Emotional needs are not being met
  • The marriage is suffering from financial difficulties
  • Long physical separation
  • Difference in interests
  • Resentment
  • Distrust
  • Constant bickering
  • Irreversible antagonistic feelings

If you are experiencing any of these feelings and are unable to work things out with your spouse, you may consider divorce. Working with a lawyer is the first step to determining how you should file for divorce. California is a no-fault state, which means that you cannot blame your spouse for the end of the marriage, even if it is ending because of infidelity. You will want to work with a lawyer to determine your state-specific laws, though most states have “no-fault” options, such as irreconcilable difference.

Joint Custody

The couple shares three sons: 9-year-old Kingston, 6-year-old Zuma and 1-year-old Apollo. According to court documents, both Stefani and Rossdale have sought joint custody.

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There are various situations that fall under the umbrella of “joint child custody.”

What is “Joint Child Custody”?

“Joint Child Custody” means that parents who do not live together still share decision-making responsibilities for, and/or physical control and custody of, the children they have together. This form of custody is able to be awarded to parents that are divorced, separated, no longer living together, and even if they have never lived together. Joint child custody is also the form of custody that is favored by the courts.

Joint Child Custody Arrangements

Joint Child Custody can take various forms, such as:

joint legal custody – where the parents share the decision-making responsibilities.

joint physical custody – where children spend time with each parent separately.

joint legal and physical custody – a combination of the above.

Joint Child Custody – Advantages and Disadvantages

There are advantages and disadvantages to joint child custody. While it ensures children continue contact with both parents, children still need to be shuttled from one parent to the other. This can be a difficult situation for non-cooperative parents, and thus can be a hard situation for children stuck in the middle. Regardless of if parents are cooperative or non-cooperative, it’s crucial that all financial records of groceries, finances associated with a child’s after school activities, medical care, and clothing are kept. In cases where parents argue about these things, a judge will appreciate finely detailed records. If parents can maintain a positive parenting schedule and approach, and keep the child’s best interests in mind, joint custody can be a positive and comforting experience for a child.

Spousal Support

According to court documents, Stefani checked the box to terminate Rossdale’s ability for spousal support.

If you are getting divorced, and are seeking spousal support, or are expected to pay spousal support payments, there are some important things you’ll want to understand. A family law attorney will be able to walk you through the specifics of your case, but here we’ll provide you with a general overview of aspects of spousal support including: the awarding of spousal support, tax laws, and what can happen if spousal support payments are not made.

Defining Spousal Support

Spousal support (also known as alimony) is financial assistance that is only available to those who were legally married. It recognizes a partner’s contribution to the marriage and its goal is to help the recipient achieve financial independence. Rules regarding alimony vary state by state.

Calculating Spousal Support

When a court presides over a spousal support hearing, it weighs a number of factors including: the length of the marriage, the needs of each spouse, the standard of living that was created and maintained during the marriage, any assets, the age of the spouses, numerous other factors, and state specific laws. Your divorce attorney will build your case for spousal support based on your own specific circumstances.

Length of Spousal Support

The duration of spousal support payments is set by the court after it weighs the arguments that have been made. Typically, the length of payments lasts for half the length of a less than 10 years long marriage. For example: a marriage of six years means the spousal support payments will need to be paid for three years.

In longer marriages, a court might not set an a duration for the alimony payments. In that case, it is up to your divorce attorney to prove your side of the case and the duration. You should work with your divorce attorney to establish your side, regardless of if you are paying or receiving payments, and also determine the amount of time you seek. The court will then listen to both arguments, and using common law, decide upon the duration.

Permanent or Lifetime Spousal Support

“Permanent” or “Lifetime” spousal support means support will be paid to the recipient until the death of the one paying, or sometimes until the recipient remarries. While remarriage has been a reason for the end of spousal support payments, that is not always the case, and sometimes a court will rule that a remarriage does not mean the end of the support payments.

As women became a stronger component of the workforce, permanent support began to be rewarded less and less. And now courts rarely award permanent support. One appellate court stated:

“As recognized by our Supreme Court, the public policy of this state has progressed from one which entitled some women to lifelong alimony as a condition of the marital contract of support, to one that entitles either spouse to post-dissolution support for only so long as is necessary to become self-supporting.”

A court will usually require the higher earner, regardless of if they are husband or wife, to assist the lower earner with maintaining the standard of living, at least for a period of time.

Changes in Financial Situation

The duration of spousal support payments can also be dependent on if the spouse receiving the support has a change in their financial standing (as the result of beginning a new job or higher pay). The purpose of spousal support is to ensure financial safeguards for the person receiving them. Therefore, if they no longer need to receive money to help them maintain financial footing, then a court can rule that they are able to support themselves and no longer need the support they have been receiving.

A Family Law Attorney

When it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Marital Property Division Mediation

Garner and Affleck Divorce

After months of tabloid speculation, a rep for Hollywood power-couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner recently confirmed the couple has decided to divorce. The news comes just a day after their tenth wedding anniversary.

Ben and Jen Divorce Statement

In a statement released by the couple, Affleck, 42, and Garner, 43, had this to say: “After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce. We go forward with love and friendship for one another and a commitment to co-parenting our children, whose privacy we ask to be respected during this difficult time. This will be our only comment on this private, family matter.”

Mediation

According to a source close to the couple, Affleck and Garner have been working with a mediator. The source had this to say: “This isn’t going to end up in a dramatic court case, they are trying to resolve it as quickly and easily as possible. Ben and Jennifer have been separated for more than six months. They have been seeing counselors for years. The situation is that people change and they grow apart.”

Mediation, when employed at an early stages of divorce proceedings, has proven to be beneficial for both parties looking to avoid substantial litigation costs and the adversarial nature of a drawn out separation and divorce process. It’s not uncommon for mediation to allow for cases to be settled before they go to actual trial. Because if its more harmonious nature and the fact that costs are usually lower in comparison to drawn out litigious cases, the mediation process is becoming increasingly preferred.

Resolution of conflict between spouses is a delicate process and requires a skilled Divorce and Family Law Mediator to serve as a neutral buffer between the high emotions of a couple on the verge of divorce. The attorneys at the Southern California Law Offices of Divorce Law LA can assist you through the process of deciding whether a divorce settled through mediation and collaborative law is the right choice for you, or if full litigation is required to adequately settle your divorce.

Affleck has been sighted staying in hotels over the past few months. Yet, it seems the couple has decided that he will remain on the property of their Brentwood home, though he will not share the main house. It’s unclear if this is a permanent or temporary arrangement.

Love, Marriage, Children, Divorce

The couple met on the set of “Pearl Harbor” and went on to star alongside each other in the movie “Daredevil,” which was released in 2003. “That’s where I found my wife,” Affleck said in a Playboy magazine interview. “We met on Pearl Harbor, which people hate, but we fell in love on ‘Daredevil.'”

Shortly after, in 2005, they were married. During the wedding during a private ceremony in Turks and Caicos, Garner was four months pregnant with their daughter Violet.  The two share three children: Violet, 9, Seraphina, 6, and Samuel, 3.

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Children Changed the Marriage

Garner has spoken to Yahoo! Parenting about how children changed the couple’s marriage: “You just go on a ride together because you don’t know who you’re going to be when you first have a baby and you don’t know who [your partner] is going to be. You have to just hang in there while you figure it out — and have a lot of patience for each other.”

Children can bring unavoidable and unspeakable changes to a relationship and marriage. while you might have thought a child would fit neatly into your life, that is not seemingly ever the case. Having a new addition that needs you constantly can mean big changes for you and your spouse.

In an interview with InStyle magazine Garner said: “When we had our first [child], we had only been together a year. We were babies. It happened so fast, I hardly remember what we were like before the kids got here.”

During the same interview she went on to say she and Affleck had a “mindful” marriage.

“You can’t expect to be courted all the time, and I don’t want to court him right now; I don’t have the energy!” she said. “But we’re definitely in a very mindful place where we’re making an effort to be together, do things at the same time, and be loving.”

It seems the two were realistic about their marriage. When Affleck accepted his best picture Oscar in 2013 for Argo he thanked his wife for “working on our marriage,” adding “there’s no one I’d rather work with.”

Timing of Divorce – Just After 10th Wedding Anniversary

Though it seems odd that the two would announce their divorce just after their tenth wedding anniversary, this is a fairly common time of year to divorce. While January seems to be the big month for divorce (often times couples try to hold things together through the already stressful holiday season), the summer school break is also quite popular. It often makes the most sense for re-locations (should a spouse decide to move) to happen over the summer in case schools need to be changed.

Child Custody and Visitation

While it’s unclear how Affleck and Garner will handle the custody of their children, it is most likely they will share custody. Courts often tend to award joint custody when they can, as long as its in the best interest of the children.

There are various forms of child custody: physical and legal, sole and joint.

Physical Custody: The parent has the legal right to have a child live with him or her.

Legal Custody: The parent has the legal right and the legal obligation to make decisions about a child’s upbringing.

Sole Custody: The parent has either sole legal custody or sole physical custody of a child, or both. Usually courts only award sole custody if one parent has been deemed unfit due to alcohol or drug dependency or charges of child abuse or neglect.

Joint Custody: Both parents share the decision-making responsibilities for, and/or physical control and custody of, their shared children. Joint custody can be joint legal custody, joint physical custody (where the children spend a significant portion of time with each parent), or both.

Co-Parenting

In a joint custody arrangement parents are asked to work as part of a co-parenting arrangement. In this arrangement, both parents must create a schedule based on each parent’s work requirements, housing arrangements, and the children’s needs. If parents are not able to come to an agreement when it comes to co-parenting, a court will impose an arrangement.

Various arrangements include:

  • alternating weeks, months, six-month periods, years or
  • spending weekends and holidays with one parent and spending weekdays with the other
  • “bird’s nest custody” or “nesting” during which the children remain in the family home while the parents take turns moving in and out. This can be successful because it does not disrupt the children’s lives that much – they are able to remain in one home and do not have to alternate between their parents’ homes. During the time away from the children the parents each live in a separate apartment or home of their own.

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Parenting During Their Relationship

Garner had this to say of the couple’s parenting abilities:

“For better or worse, I tend to be the one who says, ‘This is what needs to happen.’ I know who wants what lunch, and I’ve done all the school paperwork and filled out the emergency cards. Ben doesn’t know that stuff exists,” she said.

“He is in charge of laughter. No matter how much I tickle them or toss them or chase them around, it’s not the same. If I’m the slow, steady drumbeat, he’s the jazz.”

Co-parenting after a divorce can be difficult. As long as both spouses are able to keep the best interests of their children in mind it can be successful.

Signs of Trouble and Legal Separation

Marriage is not easy and can take a lot of work. This can often mean working with a relationship therapist. Couple’s often decide to separate prior to their divorce, as a way to test the waters and determine if they truly want to be apart from each other. It’s advised that even if you do not decide to seek a divorce, that when you do separate, you file for legal separation. Legal separation is a legal process where the couple receives a court order that says they are separated, but does not mean the couple has actually divorced.  Often times couples will obtain a legal separation as an alternative to a divorce, because of moral or religious objections to divorce.

Legal separation also does not automatically lead to divorce. There have been numerous times where couples have decided to reconcile and continue their marriage. Should they wish to proceed with a divorce after a legal separation, the couple will still need to file for divorce explicitly.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

Whatever your reason is for divorce, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Life After Divorce

After getting divorced it can take some time for your life to resettle. What was a crazy tumultuous time will, without a doubt, remain that way for a while. This can be especially true if you have kids and are now part of a co-parenting couple. But there are ways that you can move forward after your divorce.

Moving Forward After Divorce

Moving forward after divorce means that every day you will need to purposefully carve out time progress and improve . It’s so easy for life to get sucked into the vacuum of a busy schedule. As Professor Harold Hill once said: “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.”

Get Out of Survival Mode

Following your divorce you might find your life is filled with the nonessential and trivial. Do you check your ex-spouse’s Facebook every day to see if he or she is dating someone new? Do you obsess and get frustrated with every communication that comes from your ex? Are you resentful? How are you channeling all these new feelings? Are you just trying to survive?

It’s time to take your life back into your own hands.

It’s not uncommon to realize that you were living your life on someone else’s terms. But everything is in your hands now. With a lot of work and strong intention you can design your future. You have to realize you are responsible and you must decide to make a change. Here are some first steps to making that giant leap into your new life:

  • Wake up
  • Get yourself in the zone
  • Get yourself moving
  • Eat well
  • Get ready and inspired
  • Get perspective
  • Do something that will move you forward

Get Enough Sleep

Despite the fact that sleep is just as important for life as eating and drinking water, millions of people do not get enough sleep.

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 40 million Americans suffer from over 70 different sleep disorders. Additionally, 60 percent of adults and 69 percent of children have one or more sleep problems at least a few nights during a week.

It makes sense then that more than 40 percent of adults experience daytime sleepiness that is severe enough to interfere with daily activities at least a few days every month .

Getting the right amount of sleep can help you have a longer life, increased creativity, memory, attention, and focus. It can help to lower stress and your risk for depression.

Bottom line: you need your beauty sleep.

Find Clarity and Abundance

You need to focus on moving forward toward the positive things in your life. What you set your focus on expands. After waking up from a restful night’s sleep, prayer and meditation can help you orient yourself toward the positive.

Focus on what you are grateful for. This could be the fact that you are out of a relationship and marriage that did not serve you. Maybe you’re just grateful for the fact the sun is shining. There are limitless opportunities and possibilities for you. That air of gratefulness will only draw more positive and good to you.

Start every morning by getting yourself into a space of gratitude and clarity.

Get Some Physical Activity

By now you know you need to get your exercise. Still, according to the Center for Disease Control’s National Health Interview Survey, only one-third of American men and women between the ages of 25 to 64 engage in regular physical activity.

Regular exercise is can decrease your chance of depression, anxiety, and stress. It’s also been linked to higher success in people’s careers. Any form of exercise works: the gym, yard work, cleaning. Just get your body moving and every aspect of your life will thrive.

Eat/Drink 30 Grams of Protein

Eating protein first thing decreases cravings for white carbohydrates (the type of carbs that can make you fat. Donald Layman, professor emeritus of nutrition at the University of Illinois, recommends eating or drinking at least 30 grams of protein for breakfast. In The 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferriss, he recommends getting 30 grams of protein 30 minutes after waking up.

Food rich in protein will help you feel fuller for longer because they take longer for the body to digest. Protein also keeps blood-sugar levels steady, and thus prevents hunger spikes.

According to Ferriss, eat at least 40% of your breakfast calories as protein: two to three whole eggs, turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese. You can also do a protein shake made with water. If you follow a vegetarian or vegan diet you can eat legumes, greens, nuts, and seeds.

Take A Cold Shower

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Every morning motivational speaker and life coach Tony Robbins jumps into a 57-degree Fahrenheit swimming pool.

Cold water immersion has been shown to radically facilitate physical and mental wellness with regular practice. It not only changes your body’s immune, lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems, but it can also increase weight-loss because it boosts your metabolism.

A study done in 2007 found that cold water triggers mood-boosting neurochemicals that make people feel happier. The study concluded that  because of this, taking cold showers routinely can help treat depression symptoms. Often, cold showers are more effective than prescription medications.

Sure, none of us wants to step into a cold shower, but try to think of it like getting into a swimming pool. The first 20 seconds feels terrible, but once you’ve done it, it’s fine.

Those who do this report feeling an increase in willpower, creativity, motivation, and inspiration.

Listen to or Read Uplifting Content

Seek to learn and be educated. Some of the world’s most successful people read at least one book per week. You don’t eve have to read – you can listen to an audiobook. Even 15-30 minutes a morning of uplifting and instructive information can change you. Just think about how much that will amount to over time. And just consider the amount of knowledge and life-perspective  you will have gained.

Do You Have a Life Vision? 

If you haven’t written down your short and long term goals, you should. Just reviewing them a few minutes a day can put your day into perspective. Chances are some things have changed after your divorce. Take some time to re-focus your energy on what you really want to accomplish.

Reading your long term goals every day will make sure you think about them every day. As you spend your days working towards your goals, they’ll manifest.

There’s a science to achieving goals, which removes the confusion and ambiguity of them. If you stick to a pattern, you can accomplish your goals, regardless of if they are large or small.

Write them down and review them every single day.

Take a Step Towards Accomplishing Long-Term Goals

Do the important things first. As you work through the day you’ll find your ability to make high quality decisions becomes fatigued. So if you don’t do the important things first, they simply will not get done. That means if you have to contact your ex-spouse for any reason – to discuss an issue with your children, or to ask if they can switch a day of child care next week, get it done first.

When it comes to personal things, the same is true. There will always be a million reasons to put something off til tomorrow. And tomorrow means never.

Consider this mantra: The worst comes first. Do what you’ve been needing to do first. And then do it again the next day.

Every day you need to take a step towards your goals. With every new step, you’ll realize that your goals aren’t that far away.

Moving Forward

A divorce can shatter your life if you let it. So don’t let it.

Every day you can move forward with these steps. Put a plan in place to succeed. Every step on that plan brings you closer to your dreams. Maybe that means finally having a day where you don’t feel guilty or sad about your divorce. Maybe it’s a day of less resentment. Maybe it’s a day where you focus on getting healthy by preparing a good meal for yourself.

Making small steps every day like the ones outlined above will change your life. And as a result, the universe will respond to you in beautiful ways.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

Whatever your reason is for divorce, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

Rutherford – Giersch Custody Battle

In 2012, a judge decided Kelly Rutherford and Daniel Giersch share joint custody of their two children. The kids would live in Monaco and France with their father because his visa had been revoked. But now, three years later, it seems the custody battle is far from over.

Son Hermes, 8, and daughter Helena, almost 6, have been ordered to return to the U.S. from Monaco for a court hearing on June 15. Rutherford, 46, has been granted sole legal and physical custody so that she can fly them back from Monaco for the hearing.

Too Soon to Tell

pasadena-collaborative-law-divorce-mediation-lawyer

Prior to this new order, Rutherford had said that Giersch had denied allowing her to see the children during a visit last week. While this new order means her kids will come home to her, it’s too early to say if this means that they will be staying with her in California.

“It’s a temporary decision, and the June court date is going to be an incredibly important date to see how it pans out,” says Nancy Chemtob, a family and divorce lawyer who is not involved in the case. Dan Abrams, an ABC legal analyst and founder of Mediaite has followed the case for years. Weighing in on the new developments he said, “Even though its temporary, it seems to demonstrate that the court is upset that its specific orders have either been ignored or dismissed by Daniel.”

Violations of Judgment

It seems that Giersch “is alleged to have committed numerous violations” of the 2012 judgment. Rutherford’s application for full custody are based on allegations that she was not allowed to spend time with the children when she attempted to visit or bring them back to America for visits. He also allegedly has not reapplied for a U.S. visa. It’s also rumored that a former lawyer from Rutherford’s team was responsible for the revocation after she reported Giersch’s allegedly illegal activities to the State Department. She is denying any involvement.

“She filed a motion saying there’s been a substantial change of circumstances, he’s not complying with the terms of the agreement, he’s making false accusations or obstacles as to why she shouldn’t see the children, so now the judge ruled, ‘Okay, fine, the children are awarded back because there has been a change in circumstances,’ ” said Chemtob, weighing in on the case. “The judge said, ‘You need to return the children to the court and be here on this date.’ Now, on that date, the other side is going to come I’m sure with evidence refuting everything she said.”

Hermes and Helena, both U.S. citizens, will need to be back in the U.S. by June 15 for the court hearing.  The California court has asserted jurisdiction over the two children. Monaco also is a signatory to the Hague Convention. This agreement between more than 90 nations protects the interests of children and complies with other countries’ legal proceedings.

According to Chemtob, any attempts made by Giersch to keep the kids with him in Monaco “would be a violation of the court order and the breach of it is hugely severe. The punishment of him not coming back or not complying with the court order in itself could be a reason to transfer custody to her.”

In regards to the new court hearing, Abrams feels the current parenting arrangement could be altered completely.

“The court will hear both sides as they battle over whether it is in the best of the children to stay in France with Daniel or come back home to the United States to live with Kelly,” he says. “The court will also re-evaluate all aspects of visitation, etc.”

Chemtob feels: “There could be a modification, the children could be returned to the United States. A lot of times in relocation cases, they may go to school in the U.S. and spend their summers there. They could modify the access schedule to do what’s more appropriate for children of that age.” She goes on to say that while it’s unlikely a judge will make a final custody decision at this most recent hearing, the couple will most likely receive a briefing schedule, motions and eventually another trial.

“It’s an issue of fact and law. So the facts are: Did he violate, is he alienating, is she a good mother to take care of the kids on a regular basis in the U.S., are her parental rights going to be sorted if they continue to reside there?” Chemtob explains. “All those are issues of fact, and then the issue of law is something else.

“Usually, there will be a trial. That’s how you determine the issues of fact – who’s telling the truth.”

In cases like this it is not unheard of that the children be asked where and with whom they would like to live with. Both Chemtob and Abrams feel this is likely in this case.

“There could be forensic psychiatrists appointed, and I think one of the most telling things in this case is what the children are going to be saying, what they want to do, because of their ages going to be considered,” explains Chemtob. “They’re obviously much more verbal than they were last time this all happened.”

“The children may be interviewed, and a lawyer called a guardian ad litem might even be appointed again to represent their interests,” Abrams says. “The last representative for the children recommended that they stay with Kelly in the United States, but the California court in 2012 decided to reject that recommendation.”

Options for Giersch

Had Rutherford not been granted temporary full custody, there is a chance Giersch could have stopped Hermes and Helena from boarding the plane. According to Chemtob, the purpose of giving Rutherford temporary custody was to ensure the children were returned to the United States. Joint custody would have enabled Giersch to prevent the children from returning to California for the hearing.

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As a result of the order, Giersch is now legally unable to stop the kids from traveling to Los Angeles. He or a representative must be present during the court hearing. While Chemtob feels Giersch could go to an appellate court in Monaco or the U.S. to ask for a stay, Abrams feels he would not be successful doing so.

“He can certainly appeal in California, but I think it unlikely any California court will change the order before the June 15 hearing,” Abrams says. “The interesting question is what happens if a Monaco court and Daniel refuse to adhere to the California court order. Then, you have American citizen children being kept in a foreign country in direct violation of a United States court’s order.

“I am confident that if that were to happen that State Department would get involved on Kelly’s behalf and that the California court would be even more likely to grant her permanent physical custody.”

Chemtob would “100 percent” recommend Giersch comply with the California court order. She would advise him to present his side of the story in front of the judge.

“I can’t imagine any lawyer would say otherwise, unless he had a real basis to appeal,” says Chemtob. “If he really had a real basis to appeal that they misapplied the law, then i would say, ‘Okay … let’s just comply. If you think you have a strong case, then you should win when you get here.’ “

When it comes to Giersch’s chances, Chemtob believes, “there’s a 50/50 chance, I don’t even think it’s 60/40, that when the kids come back, the court in California could hear evidence that would send the kids back to Monaco again.”

Preparations for Rutherford

Chemtob suggests that Rutherford and her team present how Rutherford will care for Hermes and Helena if she is granted permanent sole custody. This also means demonstrating how she will continue to encourage the relationship they have with their dad. According to Chemtob, the key is to paint a very clear picture that outlines what the children’s lives will be like if they return to America.

“Where are the kids going to go to school? Who’s going to watch them? Are you working, who’s going to watch the children while you’re working? What’s the support system, how are you supporting the children?” says Chemtob. “How are you going to let the children see their father, how are you going to foster the relationship between the children and their father – are you going to FaceTime, are you going to let them email, are you going to let them go for long weekends? How are you going to break up a winter schedule like Christmas break?”

She continues, “When my clients come in and they have a plan that really takes into consideration how the other parent’s going to be able to see the children, that’s what the judges respect.”

Additionally, Rutherford declared bankruptcy in 2013 as the result of mounting legal fees and travel costs to visit her children in Monaco. A fact that Chemtob feels should not be a disadvantage.

“Being able to support the children is one of the factors to consider, but someone shouldn’t be penalized because they have less money than the other spouse,” Chemtob says. “So it would be a factor that’s considered, but it wouldn’t be looked poorly on her that she had to file for bankruptcy.”

Abrams is confident Rutherford will prevail.

“Based on Daniel’s conduct, in particular his seeming disregard for the California court’s orders, I would expect the court to have the children come back to the United States, where Daniel can then finally apply for a U.S. visa again as he has long been required to do,” he says.

Move Away Court Orders

 

If you are facing a case such as this one, the first thing you need to identify is if you are able to move away and relocate your child. Most courts will not allow a parent to relocate the child unless he or she has received written consent from the other parent or a court.

During a question of relocating a child the court takes the “best interest of the child” into account, considering these factors:

  • Is the current child custody arrangement stable?
  • Where is the new location? How far away is it from the household of the remaining parent?
  • What will be the financial impact (for both parents)?
  • Age of the child
  • What is the current relationship between the parents and the child?
  • Are the parents able to co-parent?
  • What are the child’s wishes (this is often dependent on the child’s age)?
  • Does the child require special accommodations? If so, are these accommodations available in the new location?
  • Reason for the move
  • Any additional factors

Modification of Court Orders

A move away request is considered a modification of court orders. If you are looking to modify original orders you need to be mindful of the current custody and visitation rights you have.  Consider working with a family law attorney to ensure your move away is done legally and you don’t risk jeopardizing your current agreement.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Marital Property Division Spousal Support

Facebook and Divorce

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In our current social media age it’s not uncommon for people to vent their unhappiness online. Whether updating a Facebook status to call out an ex-wife for her inability to appear in court on time, or tweeting raves about a judge’s decision, people use social media platforms to tell the world about their lives. And often times that means their lives and their divorces.  Before you take to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other social media, there are some things you need to know – namely how it could potentially affect your divorce and the judge’s decisions.

Rants Land Man in Prison

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The Supreme Court recently overturned the conviction of Anthony Elonis, a Pennsylvania man whose social media rants landed him in prison.

Elonis, often using rapper Eminem’s lyrics, used Facebook to make a series of violent rants against his wife and others. He claimed the rants were not “true threats,” and that the jokes and comments were free speech, and thus protected under the First Amendment.

The court sided with Elonis, 7-2, ruling that the status updates were inadequate for conviction and that prosecutors would need to show that the writer in question actually meant the rants to be threatening.

“Federal criminal liability generally does not turn solely on the results of an act without considering the defendant’s mental state. That understanding “took deep and early root in American soil” and Congress left it intact here,” wrote presiding Chief Justice John Roberts. Roberts noted that the law in question did not explain what mental state should be required for conviction.

While free speech advocates fear that criminalizing Facebook rants might lead to an overall restriction of free speech, others fear that lack of governing laws could lead to far worse situations.

Reason for Divorce

It’s no secret that social media can lead to divorce.

Countless studies have proven that the best way to keep your status as “in a relationship” or “married” you might want to log off Facebook.

A recent survey of 2,000 Brits found that one in seven people had considered divorce as a result of their spouse’s questionable activity on social media outlets such as Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, Twitter or What’sApp.

And almost a quarter of participants polled by the law firm Slater and Gordon said they had an argument at least once a week that was related to social media use. Of that group, 17 percent admitted they fought about social media every day. Fifty-eight percent of those polled said they knew their spouse or partner’s passwords even if their spouse or partner was unaware of it.

Meanwhile, divorce attorneys agree that social media increasingly plays a role in marriage breakdowns. In a 2010 survey done by American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 81 percent of those surveyed said they’d seen an increase in the number of cases that cited social networking as a reason for divorce in the five years prior to the survey. According to the attorneys, Facebook was the number one source for spouses being able to find evidence of their spouse’s infidelity. Of those, 66 percent admitted they’d found evidence through combing through the site.

Social Media as Evidence in Divorce Court

Divorce

Social media can be a valuable source of evidence in in family law cases involving divorce, child custody, and child support and visitation. It’s not uncommon for people to assume that their Facebook posts, tweets, Instagram photos and other social media activities are more private than they really are. Though people are becoming increasingly more aware of the fact that social media is not as private as they thought, people still continue to post information they otherwise would have never volunteered. This information includes: financial affairs, adultery, improper parenting, and even dangerous or illegal activities such as drug use. It’s all been seen on the internet, and it all still continues to be seen on the internet. 

“Privacy” and Divorce

Many users of social media believe their pages are “private” and thus should not be able to be used in a family law battle. In previous cases, people have claimed that their Facebook profiles should be excluded from judgement or as evidence because they are only shared among a small group of Facebook “friends.” Yet courts continue to reject this argument, determining that there is little to no reasonable expectation of privacy with regards to actions taken on a social media platform. Even creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, has stated “privacy is no longer a social norm.”

It’s important to remember that while you can control your privacy settings, the information can still be easily shared. Sometimes parties going through domestic law cases “un-friend” the opposing party. Even then, information can still be shared through mutual friends and family members who are still able to see whatever you post. The information can also still be requested by an attorney. In previous cases such as Offenback v. Bowman, Barnes v. CUS Nashville, LLC, and Largent v. Reed judges have privately reviewed information to determine if information should be disclosed in a case.

Deleting Information

You or your ex-spouse might try to hide evidence by deleting it. But this can be dangerous too. Intentionally deleting information can be legally seen as the destruction of evidence. This can cause even more legal trouble in court. In the case of Lester v. Allied Concrete Co, the court fined both the defendant and his attorney for removing harmful posts and pictures on a Facebook page.

But how did they find out?

In our current social media age, it’s not uncommon for lawyers to take to social media to gather evidence when they are first hired for the case. Often times this means an attorney has social media information long before a person has time to delete or conceal the information. When this evidence “goes missing” and that fact becomes evident in a court of law, the deletion can have larger consequences than the original evidence.

How to Deal with an Ex

If your ex is continually bashing you online, try to focus on other things. Maybe it now the chance to prove you’re the bigger person by ignoring them.

Here’s some advice from those who have been through it before:

“Here’s my advice: Ignore it and consider the source. Giving him any satisfaction that he’s affecting you will only empower and embolden him to continue his childish tirades. Rise above it all, and show your daughter how a real adult behaves.”
– Diane D.
“The best revenge is to live a happy life. Remember when he bashes you, he is suffering. Smile and enjoy your freedom from this unkind man.”
– Maggie Z.
“I unfriended everyone we had in common, not in life, but on Facebook. I also blocked my ex and his now-wife and people that I knew to be an issue. It didn’t work all at once. It was a gradual change as I never responded to anything they said and I never said anything about them, but over time it seemed to work. And I really don’t care now. His reputation was very important to him, so he went to great lengths to make sure everyone that knows him thinks I am horrible. I just avoid those people and focus on my own life.”
– Heather P.
“I copied everything and printed it. I did block him after that. Judge was NOT happy about it. Of course we are civil now and different than we were over two years ago. But it is unacceptable behavior and it just makes him look horrible to the judge and mostly himself. Someone that bashes an ex like that on social media is a terrible friend to have. People start seeing the terrible side of him and his immature ways. Ignore it, copy EVERYTHING, then block him. Worked well for me.”
– Nichole S.

To Remember

It’s important to remember that just like in a criminal investigation, anything that you say can– and likely will – be used against you. This is especially true when a court is deciding how to award custody of children. If your Facebook wall is filled with images of you partying, chances are the court might take this into consideration. The same goes for if you use your Facebook wall as a way to voice concerns and your irritation about your ex-spouse’s short-comings. A court wants to know that you are capable of taking care of your children and being able to raise them in, ideally, a co-parenting situation.

Consult a Lawyer

As with anything regarding your divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… you should consult a family law attorney. A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Marital Property Division Mediation Spousal Support

Paltrow and Martin Divorce After Uncoupling Consciously

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are expected to file divorce papers a year after taking to the internet to explain their “conscious uncoupling.”

Conscious Uncoupling

After the announcement from the actress and musician, “conscious uncoupling” immediately became a trend on Twitter and every other social media outlet. All of a sudden “conscious uncoupling” became part of our lexicon. But what did it mean?

An essay written by Drs.Habib Sadeghi and Sherry Sami (who specialize in combining Eastern and Western medicine)  about “conscious uncoupling” accompanied Paltrow and Martin’s announcement. They maintain expectations that your life-long marriage do not match up with humans’ expanded life expectancy.  The “success” of a marriage should instead be defined by looking at how meaningful and fulfilling the relationship is for both spouses, rather than how long the marriage lasts.

In simpler terms, conscious uncoupling meant the couple was splitting up.

M. Gary Neuman, marriage expert and creator of the Neuman Method, considers the couple as center of the family. The act of  “conscious uncoupling” un-centers the family. This can be dangerous for all obvious reasons.

Keeping the Bliss Alive

happy-marriageAccording to a study done by American and European researchers,  newlyweds only have two years to enjoy the joy that a wedding brings to their relationships. Following the two years, the relationship moves towards one that is more focused on companionship rather than burning love emotions. The study tracked 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years.

While some couples were happy with the companionship that came after the two years, some couples felt it indicated something was wrong in their marriage. According to the Neuman Method, here are some ways to keep that “spring in your step” when it comes to your relationship.

  • New experiences – experience something new together like a poetry class or attending a lecture on something that interests you both. You don’t want to drag your spouse along to something they can’t stand.
  • Travel together
  • Small surprises go a long way. They don’t even have to cost anything – a love note or a text is a great reminder that you’re thinking of your spouse.
  • Turn off social media, cell phones, work, etc… Disconnect so you can reconnect.
  • Pay attention to the little things – the new way she’s doing her hair, or the fact that he is wearing a new cologne.

Marriage takes a lot of work. And even after years of work it can be hard to make it work. Conscious uncoupling demonstrates a kinder approach when moving on from a marriage. One that seems to align with another common trend in divorce: mediation or collaborative divorce.

Collaborative Divorce

As Family lawyer Nathalie Boutet explained, amicable and collaborative divorces or “conscious uncoupling” allows couples to avoid any  unnecessary conflict. This type of conflict prolongs and publicizes negotiations, explained Boutet. According to her, “[Conscious uncoupling] is simply thinking about the consequences of your actions…it’s making plans rather than reacting to emotions like fear, anger or revenge.”

During a collaborative divorce process a team of four people—lawyers for each spouse, a mental health coach and financial professional – sit down and work together to create a solution for each spouse regarding everything that needs to be decided: child support and visitation, spousal support, and marital property division. Collaboration is done face to face so that each spouse is able to voice his or her own opinion. The team allows open communication and negotiation. The process allows people to work together as a team of negotiators to come to an emotional, financial, and legal solution.

Less Expensive and Less Time Spent

According to Jenkins, when a divorce goes to court, you can pay $100,000 just to get to the courthouse steps. An average collaborative can save you a ton of money, as the average one costs about $32,000. “People are raiding their retirement accounts just to pay for divorces,” said Rackham Karlsson, a collaborative attorney. “Going to court can be more expensive, more time intensive and corrosive for children.”

An average collaborative divorce takes three to four months to reach a settlement. When it comes to standard divorce, there really is no timeline. In fact, some divorces, when extremely litigious, have been known to drag on for years as spouses fight over property and spousal support, and who will receive the wedding china.  And because a standard divorce decision is left up to a judge to decide, there is very little control you have over timing and outcome with a case that goes to divorce court.

Divorce

A Good Alternative

There are numerous reasons why people choose the collaborative divorce process over the standard divorce process. The main reasons are that it’s less combative, and the final agreement feels more organic and more of well, an actual agreement than a decree. A couple is able to save time, money, and maybe even some headaches if they are able to work as a member of the collaborative divorce process.

Irreconcilable Differences

Paltrow and Martin will be filing “irreconcilable differences” as their reason for the end of their 11-year marriage.

“Irreconcilable differences” is often the cited reason for a divorce filing. Filing “irreconcilable differences” means there is no hope that the couple will be able to resolve the problems they have with each other to be able to save the marriage. Some states use the term ” irretrievable breakdown of the marriage” instead of “irreconcilable differences.” You will need to check with your state’s terminology and grounds for divorces as each state has different requirements regarding what can be cited as the reason. A divorce attorney will be able to advise you on your state’s specific laws regarding grounds for divorce.

California is a no-fault state. “No-fault” means just that –  neither party is at fault for the end of the marriage. So neither spouse is able to be found “guilty” for committing any sort of extenuating act, such as adultery, abandonment, or extreme cruelty.

Co-Parenting

Co-parenting is a crucial part of your child’s life. You will not be able to raise a child successfully if you do not get a handle on this. No child wants to see their parents fighting, or feel as if they are being tugged between two sides of a war. If the parents of Apple and Moses have figured it out (Martin and Paltrow) then so can you!

You might need to consult a therapist or lawyer to get some groundwork laid for this new relationship. Bottom line: just try to be adults. You might have to dig deep to find that “adult” in there, and you might not want to, but you have to, for your child’s sake. Find an approach that will work for you (for the both of you) and then start from that point.

Kids Interests First

Putting your child’s best interests above your own are the only way to build a successful co-parenting situation while creating an amicable relationship with your ex. You two don’t need to be best friends that talk a million times a day. You just need to find a way to make this work, kind of like being assigned to a lab partner in high school that you just couldn’t stand. You had to work together to get through the assignment and to get the A+ grade that you wanted. If you could make that work in high school, you can make this relationship work as an adult.

This can be done in a number of ways:

  • Work out a method of communication. This can be done through email or text. Being able to write it down helps to create a “paper trail” should there be disputes. But this is also a great way to just remove the emotions and stick to the fact.
  • Remove the emotion during interaction – either in person or via communication
  • Schedule it out. This means weekly routines as well as vacation and other important events.
  • Be flexible
  • Commit to being cooperative. This might be a stretch, but you will need to cooperate.

This is not always an easy process, but once you have these basic things under your belt, it will be easier.

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Collaborative Law Divorce Family Law High Net-Worth Divorce Marital Property Division Move Aways (Child Relocation) Spousal Support

Cannon-Carey: A Lesson in High Net-Worth Divorce

Nick Cannon took the twins he shares with estranged wife Mariah Carey out for breakfast in Los Angeles last Friday. Later, the doting dad, 34, posted an image of a Tic Tac Toe game to his Instagram, gushing: #Nothing like some breakfast and a morning game of Tic Tac Toe to get your day going in the right direction! XO’s #DemKids is nice with it! #Geniuses.

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Divorce

After living apart for several months, the host of America’s Got Talent filed for divorce on December 12. Around that time he took to Twitter to say: “I will never say anything negative about @MariahCarey We are forever a family rooted in love.

And indeed, it seems the two are making it work, at least in terms of co-parenting.

His breakfast outing was obviously a ‘farewell till the next time,’ as just a few hours he updated his Instagram with a photo of him on the way to the airport captioned: ‘Another Friday Another Flight.’ He’s currently in the middle of auditions for the upcoming season for AGT.

Co-Parenting

Co-parenting, and the act of co-parenting can be difficult for two parents to establish. The word implies that two parents are able to cooperate and communicate efficiently, but that’s not often the case. This becomes glaringly obvious when it’s realized that the main reason two people end a relationship is because of inability to communicate with each other.

But, unfortunately, when it comes to co-parenting, communicate is a must. If you cannot forge that relationship, the number one person, or people being hurt, are the children you share. Making this harder is the idea that even if your number one intention is to communicate effectively, you still have no control over the other person in the co-parenting relationship.

Being a Better Co-Parent

Regardless of how the other parent acts, there are some things that you can do to make the situation better. Realizing that you can improve the situation by improving yourself can help ease the stress. Here are some things that you can do:

Accept that you might not be able to control every situation. 
It might be easy to be aggravated by everything your co-parent does, but why spend your time and energy? You can’t change what you can’t change. Instead, channel that energy into creating quality time and moments with your kids. Learn and accept that you are not able to control everything. This can be hard, but it’s important. And that acceptance will free up emotional energy that can and should be spent elsewhere.

Be PRESENT with your kids.
When you are upset about something your mind is there, dwelling on that anger. If something that your co-parent does upsets you, place it to the side and don’t let it get in the way of the time you have with your children. Studies show that being present is the most important thing we can give our kids. Pay attention to them! And practice being mindful of the time you spend with them.

Make your home a calm and secure environment.
You can’t control anything your co-parent does. You can’t change them. But you can change you, and you can control you. So ensure that your home is a calm, grounded, and secure environment for your children. This will provide them with a calm and stable environment during a time that not feel that way. They should feel safe during this time – especially if the co-parenting schedule is new. Being able to give your kids stability will ensure they grow up feeling stable.

Focus on what is GOOD.
It’s not uncommon for divorced co-parents to feel guilty about what the effects of the divorce will have on their kids. You can focus on all the wrong things, but isn’t it better to focus on what’s GOOD? Two parents that love them. The secure and stable home that you’ve created. All the good moments you share. That cannot be taken away by your ex. These good-feeling moments are a great influence on your kids. So remember all the good stuff!

Cannon – Carey Property Division

While it seems they have gotten a hold on co-parenting, one aspect of the Cannon-Carey divorce that still might need some ironing out is the marital property the two share.

Cannon is in the process of moving into a $3 million luxury six bedroom, eight bathroom estate on the east coast ‘to keep the twins out of the spotlight.’ Cannon’s net-worth is over $20 million. He is paying $11,000 a month for the house, with an option to purchase the secluded Saddle River estate in New Jersey.

Carey will be staying on the West Coast and kicks off her Las Vegas residency at Caesars Palace on May 6. She has been spending most of her time in Southern California in preparation for the Sin City run.

Despite having their separate living arrangements, the two seem to be locked in a legal dispute over the division of their assets. Cannon just filed a lawsuit that alleges Carey, along with the couple’s business manager, Michael Kane, sold the couple’s Bel Air Mansion for $4 million less than the asking price without involving him in the sale.

Marital Property Division

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California is a community property state, as opposed to an equitable distribution state.

In community property states, all property the couple acquires during the marriage is divided equally. During a divorce settlement, issues such as financial need, ability to earn income, or which spouse is at fault for the divorce are not taken into account when dividing property.

In equitable distribution states, which are the majority of states, marital property division takes into account the financial situation of each spouse. This is different than the 50/50 breakdown of community property states. Though equitable distribution is more flexible, it can be harder to forecast the outcome. This is due to the fact that many factors are taken into account during the settlement negotiations.

When it comes to dividing marital property, there are four concerns that need to be addressed:

  • Identification of marital assets that are owned by you and your spouse
  • Assets need to then be categorized as marital or non-marital property.
  • Value will be assigned to the assets
  • A plan will be constructed over how to divide these assets. This plan will be made in accordance with state laws.

Marital Property

Not all property is considered “marital property.” It should also be noted that marital property does not only consist of dividing furniture and household items, but also all other financial assets such as bank accounts. And the definition of marital property can vary from state to state. You should work with a divorce attorney that can advise you on your state specific laws regarding property division. Typically though, marital property includes any property that is acquired by either spouse during the course of the marriage. And property acquired by either spouse before the marriage is usually not considered marital property.

Non – Marital Property

That being said, in some states, property acquired during the marriage can be excluded from marital property. Such types of property include:

  • Gifts or inheritance granted to one spouse during the marriage.
  • Property purchased with separate funds acquired by one spouse before the marriage.
  • Property that was excluded in a prenuptial agreement.
  • The asset is the result of increased value of separate property that was acquired before the marriage.

Preparing Your Finances for Divorce

If you know there will be issues regarding the division of marital assets prior to filing for divorce, there are some things you should do. Namely, you should consider separating any joint financial obligations that are under both of your names. Joint credit accounts should also be considered during the division process. Because of this, it’s advised that you separate any joint accounts. Here are some tips to consider when facing marital property division:

  • Each spouse should have access to a complete set of all financial documents.
  • Each spouse should establish their own line of credit, in their own name.
  • Close all joint credit card accounts.
  • Create a formal written agreement that outlines the activity on any joint credit accounts until all accounts can be separated.
  • Open separate bank accounts.
  • If you must maintain a joint bank account, make sure you have a written agreement outlining the purpose of the account and what the funds will be used for. You might consider that each spouse sign any checks written from that account.
  • Freeze any investment assets to ensure that neither spouse may misuse funds.
  • Change the title to your home to “tenants in common.”

Working with a Divorce Attorney

Divorce can be a difficult process, not just for emotional reasons. There are many aspects of a divorce that will need to be legally decided upon, including: child custody and visitation, spousal support, and marital property division. A family law attorney will also be able to provide you with advice on how to create a successful co-parenting situation. This can include the creation of a co-parenting schedule that outlines weekly visits, but also holiday schedules, and other major events. These things can be even harder to work out in a high net-worth divorce. State laws will also play a large factor in how things are divided and settled. Because of this, it’s advised that you work with a local divorce attorney that will be able to advise you specifically in accordance with your state law.

 

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

Categories
Child Custody Child Support Child Visitation Divorce Family Law

History of Child Custody Considerations

Child custody, and the awarding of child custody has a long history that dates back to the Colonial Era and Early Republic (1630-1830). The history of how children have been viewed, in addition to how husbands and wives relationships have evolved, can be tracked alongside this history.

Overview of Shifting Patterns in Child Custody

In the colonial period and early Republic, children were viewed as economic assets because of the labor they were capable of performing. This view decreased as we entered the nineteenth century and more emphasis was placed on a child’s nurturing and education. As this view became more of the norm, the legal concept of “the best interest of the child” became a common consideration. Along with this view came a shift from the father always assuming custody and control of his children (because they were labor assets) to mother’s having more of a stake and reason for assuming child custody. The “best interest of the child” became which parent would be the more nurturing one, which typically, in following the traditional norms of men and women, meant the mother. As the late twentieth and twenty-first centuries evolved, and women began to take on a more equal economic standing, the shift in custody became what it roughly is now: both parents, as long as it’s in the best interest of the child, share child custody.

Divorce

Child custody is typically thought of in the context of divorce. But this was not always the case. As divorce has become more widely accepted, beginning in the last half of the twentieth century, so has the thought that child custody goes hand in hand with divorce. Divorce was not at all common in early American history. Until 1753 English law maintained that no marriage could be destroyed. But the notion of child custody still existed. Common reasons for custodial issues included: death of a father or both parents, a family’ financial inability or incompetence to care for a child, and the birth of an illegitimate child. When custodial issues such as these arose, there were two major considerations: 1. the labor value of the child, and 2. the ability of the adults to properly support the child.

Within a marriage, the father maintained complete custody and control of the children due to the fact that women were considered, under common law, as femmes couvertes (literally “covered women”). And thus, in the very rare event of a divorce, a father maintained his legal right to custody and control of the children.

Divorce Through Legislature

The states that followed English tradition, divorce could be obtained through a private bill sent through legislature. But in New England divorce laws were more liberal and marriage fell under the jurisdiction of the civil courts an legislatures. States were able to grant divorce when either husband or wife were able to prove the other had neglected a fundamental duty. Common grounds for divorce were: adultery, desertion, absence for a length of time determined by the government.

Common Divorce States

Divorce was actually more common in Massachusetts and Connecticut. Children were not considered at all in these divorces. Records of divorces make no statements regarding the best interests of the children involved in these divorces, nor do they document any concern for the children’ welfare.

No Disputes

Reasons for why there might not have been disputes over child custody before the nineteenth century may be for a few reasons, namely that because fathers alone were entitled to custody and control of their children, mothers believed they had no chance to gain custody of their children. The overwhelming knowledge of knowing that they had no chance to gain custody of their children might have deterred many women, and perhaps even encouraged women to stay in loveless marriages in order to remain in their children’s lives.

The second reason there might not have been disputes regarding child custody is that often mothers received custody rights without a fight due to being deserted by their husbands. In cases of adultery, mothers were often left to tend to the family on their own. And it was not uncommon for husbands to “go west” in search of new opportunities and then never send for their families.

Nineteenth Century

The colonial view of children as “labor” gave way to the romantic notion of the nineteenth century that children had interests of their own. The reasons for this shift in perception of children are complex. An emergence of a “middle-class” culture that valued education and emotional investment over a child’s economic value played a large part. Additionally, the women’s movement, which was gaining momentum took up the mother’s right to child custody as one of their platforms during the right’s movement.

Increase in Child Custody Disputes in the Nineteenth Century

The increase in child custody disputes during the nineteenth century can most likely be attributed to two things: the rise of divorce and the uncertainty of the laws that governed custody. As divorce became easier to obtain in most states people began taking advantage of it. During the years 1867 to 1871 there were 53,574 divorces granted. That number almost tripled between 1887 and 1891. During that time period there were 157,324 divorces granted nationally. Children were involved in 40% of those divorces. And another 20-40% did not report either the presence of children or the absence of children.

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Judges Torn

Divorce judges were torn between whether to rule in the old tradition that favored the father and the new tradition that took up the idea of ruling in “the best interest of the child.” Eventually, the trend became favoring children. And with that, came the notion that the best interest of the child was to stay with the mother. This was especially true for female and very young children. The tendency of the courts to favor awarding young children to their mothers became known as the “tender years doctrine.” This is made clear in the court case People ex rel. Sinclair v. Sinclair stated:

Nature has devolved upon the mother the nurture and care of infants during their tender years, and in that period such care, for all practical purposes, in the absence of exceptional circumstances, is almost exclusively committed to her. At such periods of life courts do not hesitate to award the care and custody of young infants to the wife as against the paramount right of the husband where the wife has shown herself to be a proper person and is able to fully discharge her duty toward the child.

It became an almost universal practice that, unless deemed unfit, the mother of “tender years” children maintained custody. The two most frequent reasons mothers lost custody were adultery and leaving their husbands without just cause. This “just cause” was, of course to be determined by a judge.

The Progressive Era

The year 1890 is often used to mark the beginning of the reform-minded Progressive Era.  There were 33,461 divorces in the United States in 1890. That amount surged to 167,105 in 1920, which marked the end of the reform era. This increase marks a large shift of the stigma once associated with divorce. What was once rare now became commonplace. And with that, child custody disputes became commonplace. The notion of child support and a father’s obligation to support his children without the benefits of custody came to the forefront. At this time courts gradually began turning away from the double standard regarding “moral fitness” and with that the idea that a mother’s sexual misconduct was damning, whereas a father’s sexual misconduct was forgivable.

“New Rule”

A “new rule” emerged with Keezer on the Law of Marriage and Divorce, the leading family law treatise of the 1920’s, which stated: “Where the children are of tender years, other things being equal, the mother is preferred as their custodian, and this more especially in the case of female children, and this though she may have been guilty of delinquencies in the past but there is no evidence that she was delinquent at the time of determining the matter by the court.”

Late Twentieth and Early 21st Centuries: A New Movement

By the last third of the twentieth century, the term “child custody” had permeated societal conversations. In fact, few households went untouched by child custody matters. Much of this was due to the ever increasing divorce rate. And as divorce rates grew and grew, so did the laws and rules governing child custody. As a New York court stated in 1973, “The simple fact of being a mother does not, by itself, indicate a capacity or willingness to render a quality of care different from that which the father can provide.”

The notion that the interest of a child in its tender years were best served by granting a mother custody was abolished in nearly all 50 states during the period between 1960 and 2000.

New Modes of Thinking About Child Custody

Now that old notions have been set aside, state legislators and judges have turned to social science to determine the difficult decisions that are set before them during a child custody dispute. To popular psychological theories have emerged: 1. one parent should assume primary care responsibilities over a child, and that parent need not be the mother, and 2. both parents should be involved in the child’s development through a joint custody arrangement. Neither of these theories favor the mother or the idea of tender years.

Bring in the Experts!

Developmental experts and mental health professionals are increasingly becoming utilized during child custody cases when it comes to determining which parent should be awarded custody, or if joint custody is the best determination. A court will now often request a psychological evaluation during which a wide range of information about the parents, child, social and economic data, and psychodynamic factors is collected.

Divorce Effect on Children

The exact effect of divorce on children is still unknown, and still up for much debate. No consensus has been reached on if divorce has lifelong negative impact, or if children of divorce fare well. And to that point, it only makes sense that the idea of what constitutes the “best interests of a child” is still widely disputed.

 

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

https://bestdivorcelawyer.co

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