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Chris Martin Talks About Divorce

It’s been almost two years since Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and Gwenyth Paltrow announced that they would be “consciously uncoupling.” While Gwenyth may have previously discussed the couple’s divorce, Chris has only recently opened up about it.

Chris Martin Talks About Divorce

As Martin, 39, recently told the Sunday Times, he struggled with depression following the divorce announcement. It’s depression he deals with now. “I still wake up down a lot of days,” he said. “But now I feel like I’ve been given the tools to turn it around.”

“It’s always out there in the media, but I have a very wonderful separation-divorce. It’s a divorce but it’s a weird one,” he said. “It’s funny. I don’t think about that word very often — divorce. I don’t see it that way. I see it more like you meet someone, you have some time together and things just move through … I’ve lived a lot of life since then.”

“You can come at it very aggressively and blame and blame,” he told the paper. “Or you can put yourself in the garage, so to speak. Take yourself apart and clean off the bits. Reassemble.”

One key thing that Martin and Paltrow have kept in mind is their two children – Apple, 11, and Moses, 9. In being able to put their children first, they have been able to remain amicable. This is often the hardest part of divorce – learning how to co-parent.

Learning to Co-Parent

The key to establishing a good co-parenting relationship is to remember that your kids are part you and part your ex-spouse. And hopefully this realization will help you manage those angry, frustrated, and sad emotions.

Managing Emotions


“The biggest obstacles to successful co-parenting are emotions,” says Alisa Peskin-Shepherd, principal of Transitions Legal, a family law practice that specializes in mediative divorce. “Emotional obstacles are usually anger, resentment and jealousy. Often parents have a hard time separating those feelings toward their former spouse from their attempt to focus on their children.”

The idea of focusing on your children might seem obvious, but that can be really difficult when you receive that text from your ex that makes you want to throw your phone directly into their face. There are some tips that can help though! Here are some tips from parents who have actually found the magic combination to a successful (meaning they don’t completely resent each other) co-parenting situation.

Building a Successful Co-Parenting Situation

Give Yourself a  ‘Timeout’

“Take time to reflect on how your behavior and your decisions are affecting your child,” says Peskin-Shepherd. “Especially where there is constant disagreement, try to accept that you are not going to change the other person and find a way to make something work without being dependent on the other parent’s response.”

If you are not able to give yourself a timeout, and find that you are still stewing about conversing with your ex, consult a “co-parenting coordinator,” attorney or counselor – with or without your ex-spouse. This objective third party can be a great sounding board for ironing out your co-parenting relationship.

“Our expectations that two people who didn’t get along when they are married will suddenly be able to co-parent without some help is not reasonable,” Peskin-Shepherd says.

According to Alison Willet, a Birmingham resident and psychologist who has worked with high-conflict divorce, it is crucial for ex-spouses to heal fully from the pain that stems from their divorce if they plan to find a way to co-parent effectively.

The mother of three daughters and two step-daughters goes on to say, “People going through divorce need to take the necessary time to grieve the end of this major relationship and remember that at one time, they loved or cared about the other parent. When parents are psychologically intact, it will be easier for them to put the needs of their children first.”

Play to Your Ex’s Strengths (This Might Be Very Difficult)

By now you know what your ex is good and and what they’re not so good at. So play fair when it comes to your kids and your ex’s abilities.

“You probably know your ex-spouse better than anyone else,” says Chris Tucker, father of Finn, 9, and Simon, 7, and step-dad to Lucas, 6. “Play to those strengths – not in a manipulative way, but in a spirit of making the best use of one another’s talents.”

Tucker’s situation is: he has his boys two-thirds of the year; their mother visits monthly from Virginia. She also takes them over school breaks and summer. Tucker, his wife, his ex-wife, and her husband all work as a unit to parent the children.

“We like to think of ourselves – Colleen, her husband, my wife and I – as members of a family ecosystem,” says Tucker. “This means that everyone involved is invested in and accountable for raising our kids, and it goes a long way in building trust and mutual respect.”

Commit to Cooperating

This can be the hardest part of a co-parenting relationship – cooperating.

According to mother Shaindle Braunstein-Cohen, “Effective co-parenting does not require friendship, but it does require cooperation.”

“My ex and I get along when we have contact, but we never have contact outside of our son,” she says. “When my son wanted to show his dad his new room in our new home, he did. Successful co-parenting involves only one thing: loving your child more than you hate your ex.”

When her ex moved out-of-state, Braunstein-Cohen gained full custody of her 14-year-old Seth.  When he wants to see his dad or vice versa, both her and Seth’s father to make it happen. “Sure, that meant I had many holidays without him, but it wasn’t about me,” she says.

You can’t keep living in the past either.

“The kids can become an obsession, a club to beat your ex over the head with,” says Braunstein-Cohen. “You can’t live in the past, and you also can’t live in the future. Just live in the now. The moment is here; it’s what you’ve got. Make the best of it.”


Get it in Writing

Peskin-Shepherd advises parents to put everything in writing. That means that all plans and agreements should be kindly communicated to the other parent. This should be part of your working situation. If it’s in writing, it is harder for one person to argue about the agreed arrangement. This should be done for even the smallest things if you know that there is potential for arguments later down the road. This is especially necessary for vacation time and scheduling, agreements regarding financial decisions, and paying for child’s needs. A majority of these things will be part of your child custody agreement, but anything that comes up out side of that should also be agreed to in writing.

Vacation time and money issues are common post-divorce problems, says Peskin-Shepherd. “Parents can agree on how to pay for extracurricular activities, summer camps, boots and winter coats,” she says. “Have a mindset of cooperation to avoid problems. Likely the compromise your ex-spouse is asking of you today will be the one you need tomorrow.”

Set High Intentions

Keely Henry dealt with an ugly divorce. She did not want it to affect her son, Sullivan, 8. “I knew I could not let this ugly experience lead our lives,” she says. “I was going to have to communicate with my ex over the course of our son’s life. The only thing to do was set the ideal on a higher notion, above emotional distress.”

Because of that, Henry and her ex decided to celebrate holidays and birthdays with Sully together, which means including Henry’s new life partner and her ex’s partner, the woman that her husband left her for. “We all collaborate on my son’s parenting, with his dad and I as the final sayers,” she says. “It really is simple. Set the goal for the higher, not the lower.”

Let Go of Wanting Control

Even thirteen years after their divorce, Jodi Rubin and her ex-husband disagree about the same things they did not agree about when they were married. But they’ve been able to reach a place of mutual respect that allows them to co-parent their three children, Jordan, 19, Paige, 15, and Ethan, 13.

“It’s not about you,” says Rubin. “Instead of worrying about each other, worry about the kids. It’s a parent’s job to turn their children into productive and emotionally healthy adults, and you can’t do that if you’re focused on each other.”

Silence your Support System

Your friends and family will want to defend you, but there’s nothing helpful about your mother sending your ex a nasty email. The support system should remain impartial, and if they’re not, you need to intervene.

“There were times I had to check my mom as she ranted and raved about what went down,” Henry says. “Or girlfriends – awesome friends who had not been married or had children – not understanding how I could handle some of the things the way I did. There were moments I could hardly do anything but scream and cry – and I did, but on my own watch. There will be tough times. You can get something positive from them.”

Keep Your Ego in Check

It goes without saying that you’re going to doubt your parenting ability and fear that your children will want to be with the other parent. But you have to resist the urge.

“It’s easy to see your ex-spouse as a threat,” says Tucker. “Remind yourself that your ex is also your children’s parent and would also step in front of a bus for them. Trust that they also have your children’s best interests at heart.”

Says Braunstein-Cohen, “Be totally honest with yourself. Everyone has ego involved; they want their child to know they were not at fault, that they are a better parent. Let it go and really think about what makes your kids happy.

“Obviously you don’t agree or sometimes even like each other very much – that’s why you got divorced,” she adds. “Get over it.”

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550

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Paltrow and Martin Divorce After Uncoupling Consciously

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are expected to file divorce papers a year after taking to the internet to explain their “conscious uncoupling.”

Conscious Uncoupling

After the announcement from the actress and musician, “conscious uncoupling” immediately became a trend on Twitter and every other social media outlet. All of a sudden “conscious uncoupling” became part of our lexicon. But what did it mean?

An essay written by Drs.Habib Sadeghi and Sherry Sami (who specialize in combining Eastern and Western medicine)  about “conscious uncoupling” accompanied Paltrow and Martin’s announcement. They maintain expectations that your life-long marriage do not match up with humans’ expanded life expectancy.  The “success” of a marriage should instead be defined by looking at how meaningful and fulfilling the relationship is for both spouses, rather than how long the marriage lasts.

In simpler terms, conscious uncoupling meant the couple was splitting up.

M. Gary Neuman, marriage expert and creator of the Neuman Method, considers the couple as center of the family. The act of  “conscious uncoupling” un-centers the family. This can be dangerous for all obvious reasons.

Keeping the Bliss Alive

happy-marriageAccording to a study done by American and European researchers,  newlyweds only have two years to enjoy the joy that a wedding brings to their relationships. Following the two years, the relationship moves towards one that is more focused on companionship rather than burning love emotions. The study tracked 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years.

While some couples were happy with the companionship that came after the two years, some couples felt it indicated something was wrong in their marriage. According to the Neuman Method, here are some ways to keep that “spring in your step” when it comes to your relationship.

  • New experiences – experience something new together like a poetry class or attending a lecture on something that interests you both. You don’t want to drag your spouse along to something they can’t stand.
  • Travel together
  • Small surprises go a long way. They don’t even have to cost anything – a love note or a text is a great reminder that you’re thinking of your spouse.
  • Turn off social media, cell phones, work, etc… Disconnect so you can reconnect.
  • Pay attention to the little things – the new way she’s doing her hair, or the fact that he is wearing a new cologne.

Marriage takes a lot of work. And even after years of work it can be hard to make it work. Conscious uncoupling demonstrates a kinder approach when moving on from a marriage. One that seems to align with another common trend in divorce: mediation or collaborative divorce.

Collaborative Divorce

As Family lawyer Nathalie Boutet explained, amicable and collaborative divorces or “conscious uncoupling” allows couples to avoid any  unnecessary conflict. This type of conflict prolongs and publicizes negotiations, explained Boutet. According to her, “[Conscious uncoupling] is simply thinking about the consequences of your actions…it’s making plans rather than reacting to emotions like fear, anger or revenge.”

During a collaborative divorce process a team of four people—lawyers for each spouse, a mental health coach and financial professional – sit down and work together to create a solution for each spouse regarding everything that needs to be decided: child support and visitation, spousal support, and marital property division. Collaboration is done face to face so that each spouse is able to voice his or her own opinion. The team allows open communication and negotiation. The process allows people to work together as a team of negotiators to come to an emotional, financial, and legal solution.

Less Expensive and Less Time Spent

According to Jenkins, when a divorce goes to court, you can pay $100,000 just to get to the courthouse steps. An average collaborative can save you a ton of money, as the average one costs about $32,000. “People are raiding their retirement accounts just to pay for divorces,” said Rackham Karlsson, a collaborative attorney. “Going to court can be more expensive, more time intensive and corrosive for children.”

An average collaborative divorce takes three to four months to reach a settlement. When it comes to standard divorce, there really is no timeline. In fact, some divorces, when extremely litigious, have been known to drag on for years as spouses fight over property and spousal support, and who will receive the wedding china.  And because a standard divorce decision is left up to a judge to decide, there is very little control you have over timing and outcome with a case that goes to divorce court.


A Good Alternative

There are numerous reasons why people choose the collaborative divorce process over the standard divorce process. The main reasons are that it’s less combative, and the final agreement feels more organic and more of well, an actual agreement than a decree. A couple is able to save time, money, and maybe even some headaches if they are able to work as a member of the collaborative divorce process.

Irreconcilable Differences

Paltrow and Martin will be filing “irreconcilable differences” as their reason for the end of their 11-year marriage.

“Irreconcilable differences” is often the cited reason for a divorce filing. Filing “irreconcilable differences” means there is no hope that the couple will be able to resolve the problems they have with each other to be able to save the marriage. Some states use the term ” irretrievable breakdown of the marriage” instead of “irreconcilable differences.” You will need to check with your state’s terminology and grounds for divorces as each state has different requirements regarding what can be cited as the reason. A divorce attorney will be able to advise you on your state’s specific laws regarding grounds for divorce.

California is a no-fault state. “No-fault” means just that –  neither party is at fault for the end of the marriage. So neither spouse is able to be found “guilty” for committing any sort of extenuating act, such as adultery, abandonment, or extreme cruelty.


Co-parenting is a crucial part of your child’s life. You will not be able to raise a child successfully if you do not get a handle on this. No child wants to see their parents fighting, or feel as if they are being tugged between two sides of a war. If the parents of Apple and Moses have figured it out (Martin and Paltrow) then so can you!

You might need to consult a therapist or lawyer to get some groundwork laid for this new relationship. Bottom line: just try to be adults. You might have to dig deep to find that “adult” in there, and you might not want to, but you have to, for your child’s sake. Find an approach that will work for you (for the both of you) and then start from that point.

Kids Interests First

Putting your child’s best interests above your own are the only way to build a successful co-parenting situation while creating an amicable relationship with your ex. You two don’t need to be best friends that talk a million times a day. You just need to find a way to make this work, kind of like being assigned to a lab partner in high school that you just couldn’t stand. You had to work together to get through the assignment and to get the A+ grade that you wanted. If you could make that work in high school, you can make this relationship work as an adult.

This can be done in a number of ways:

  • Work out a method of communication. This can be done through email or text. Being able to write it down helps to create a “paper trail” should there be disputes. But this is also a great way to just remove the emotions and stick to the fact.
  • Remove the emotion during interaction – either in person or via communication
  • Schedule it out. This means weekly routines as well as vacation and other important events.
  • Be flexible
  • Commit to being cooperative. This might be a stretch, but you will need to cooperate.

This is not always an easy process, but once you have these basic things under your belt, it will be easier.

A Family Law Attorney

But when it comes to the actual legal process of a divorce, you’ll want to work with a skilled family law attorney. There are a number of things that need to be considered during a divorce: child support, spousal support, marital property division, and other things. Working with a skilled attorney can help ensure you get a fair case.  For advice on divorce, child custody determinations, setting up a co-parenting agreement, dividing marital property, and spousal support you need the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA. Schedule a consultation today.

Divorce Law LA, Esq.

Divorce Law LA

33 S. Catalina Ave. Ste. 202

Pasadena, Ca. 91106

(626) 478-3550