Last year you were a big happy family, gathering around the fire, sharing and creating memories. This year, you’re divorced, and facing the fact that the holidays might be a lot different.
Remember the Children
This holiday season will be difficult for you and your ex-spouse, but if there are children involved, it might be even harder for them. Because of this, it’s important to remember what this time of year is really about, even if that means setting aside what will be the best for you. Here are some things you might want to consider when considering what your child’s holidays will be like.
Whereas in the past it wasn’t so difficult to decide where and what you’d be doing to celebrate, this year, you might want to step aside and ask your kids what they’d like to do now that you’re in a new family situation. Rather than negotiate with your ex-spouse over where the kids will be spending their days, it’s a good idea to ask your child what they would like to do. This will allow them to feel less like the shuttled around “burden” and more like an active member in the negotiating process. It also might outright settle any arguments you and your ex might have.
Put Aside Your Feelings
Whatever your child wants to do, make sure that you stick with what they want. This might mean putting away those hurt feelings.
Keep Your Eyes on the Goal
Remember why you love this time of year: it’s meant for sharing gratitude and love. Remembering this might help you put any feelings of anger or competition aside when it comes to organizing a workable schedule and potentially needing to compromise. Try to honor each person’s needs while allowing everyone to have their say.
Source: The Huffington Post, 3 Strategies for Negotiating Divorce, Children and the Holidays With Compassion, December 9, 2014
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