It turns out that your marriage ending in divorce might depend on your education level.
Does Your “Type” of Marriage Doom You for Divorce?
Eli J. Finkel, a professor at Northwestern University and the author of “The All-or-Nothing Marriage” explains one specific type of marriage might be most likely to end in divorce.
As a psychologist, Finkel studies couples. She often brings them into the lab and videotapes them in order to decode their behaviors. She then follows up with them over time to see how happy they are or whether they break up. As a result of her research, she’s discovered just how different marriage rates and divorce rates are among people who are better educated versus less educated.
Among people who have college degrees, the divorce rates have plummeted since about 1980 and have come down significantly since. “But people who don’t have a high school degree, people who are relatively uneducated have a higher divorce rate than ever, and a lower marriage rate, and when they are married, the marriages tend not to be as satisfying,” she says.
The reason behind this? Finkel thinks that what’s “going on is it’s really difficult to have a productive, happy marriage when your life circumstances are so stressful and when your day-to-day life involves, say three or four bus routes in order to get to your job.”
Common Reasons for Divorce
Chances are you have a friend or family member that has gone through divorce. It’s not easy and there are many factors that contribute to the dissolution of a marriage. It can be any number of combinations of reasons that cause two people to say that’s it. Here are some common reasons:
Lack of communication. When you are unable to communicate with your partner, you create distance. This can be from lack of sharing feelings, or not keeping your partner in the loop about what’s happening with you emotionally. A successful relationship is one that has open lines of communication. Otherwise it can feel like nothing is ever resolved, and as if you aren’t even talking about why things can’t be resolved. Additionally, chances are you both feel as if something is being left unsaid. These feelings can multiply over time and become much larger than they were at the beginning. You might consider working with a relationship therapist to learn how to communicate effectively.
Financial Issues. Money, and lack of it, can lead to a lot of problems in relationships. Often times two people have very different mindsets when it comes to saving and spending. If you and your spouse are not in agreement when it comes to how to manage your money, it can cause a lot of problems. Sit down and have an open conversation about how you relate to money and what your goals are. You might find one spouse wants to save to buy a house or to go on a big vacation, while the other spouse would rather go out to dinner every night of the week and have a closet filled with amazing clothes. You might have different goals, and neither one is wrong. Try to find a middle ground. You might also want to speak with a financial adviser that can take a look at your financial situation and advise you on how to move forward based on your joint goals.
Feeling Held Back. When you first started dating your spouse you may have felt as if the sky was the limit, or maybe you felt like you needed to change yourself a little for him or her. Over the course of a marriage things can change. You might feel now as if your spouse and marriage are holding you back from achieving goals and taking opportunities. If you don’t feel supported by your spouse you can begin to feel as if you are being held back from really accomplishing what you want to during your lifetime. Try to get a clear-headed assessment. Are you really being held back? Or maybe it’s just how you are perceiving the situation. An open conversation might be the best place to start.
Trust. Trust is one of the leading factors in having a successful relationship and marriage. It can be impossible to achieve anything if you do not trust each other. Ask yourself if there’s a reason for the lack of trust. Was there an infidelity or past infidelities? Or are you just reading into things? Try to get a clear head about why there is not trust in your relationship. Maybe working with a relationship therapist can help you both deal with any trust issues.
Expectations. If you expected one thing at the beginning of the relationship and you aren’t getting it now, or your expectations have changed, you might find that you aren’t as happy in your relationship as you could be.
Your spouse doesn’t understand or fulfill your needs and desires. We all have different needs and wants that need to be met by the significant other in our lives. If you have a partner that doesn’t acknowledge your interests and desires then they won’t do what they can to fulfill your needs and wants.
Sudden Life Change. New changes happen at every moment in our lives. This can be the birth of a child, death of a parent, sudden job loss, a new opportunity for a job across the country. You will both need to be adaptable and know how to be supportive of each other. Life is unplanned, but you should be able to plan that your spouse will be there to support you whether its a good change or a difficult one.
Domestic Violence. If you’ve been in a situation, or are currently in a situation, where your partner has been abusive or controlling in any manner, you should consider seeking help. If need be, contact a trusted family, friend, or an attorney about this matter.
Uncommon Reasons for Divorce
There are common reasons for divorce, and then there are the uncommon ones like these:
Didn’t Like the Movie “Frozen.” After finding out that her husband “didn’t care for” the film “Frozen,” according to the U.K.’s Metro News, a Japanese woman divorced him, saying, “If you can’t understand what makes this movie great, there’s something wrong with you as a human being.”
Possessed by a Genie. After his wife refused to sleep with him, one Dubai man divorced his wife. Her family told him she was possessed by a “dijn,” a type of genie from Arabic mythology, according to Gulf News. Apparently, several religious experts had already attempted to exorcise the genie but were unsuccessful.
Broken Penis Extension. According to the U.K.’s Metro News, a Russian man got a penis prosthetic after finding out that his wife was unsatisfied in bed. When it fell off and he didn’t get a new one, his wife said she was fed up and wanted a divorce.
“Excessive and insatiable desire for sex.” An Indian man divorced his wife because she had an insatiable sex drive. In divorce course he said she had been “aggressive, stubborn and autocratic,” and had forced him to take medication to boost his sexual stamina. She also threatened to sleep with other men if he failed to satisfy her.
“Guantanamo.” A Saudi woman filed for divorce after she found out her husband had nicknamed her “Guantanamo” in his cellphone. According to Al Arabiya news, she discovered the unflattering nickname when she called his cellphone and realized he had left it at home. The man defended himself, saying the nickname was to protect the couple’s privacy. “I don’t want people sitting around me to know that this is my wife calling,” he said.
Parrot Spills the Beans. According to ABC News, a Chinese woman learned of her husband’s infidelity from the couple’s pet parrot when he started saying the words “divorce,” “I love you,” and “be patient.” She took the parrot with her to the divorce lawyer.
Too Many Cats. When people hate cats, they really hate cats. And when they love them, they really love them. Apparently, enough to give up their marriage. According to the Times of Israel, a man divorced his wife after she brought home 550 cats. In court he said he was unable to sleep on the bed and unable to eat meals because the cats were always in the way or stealing his food. The woman refused to give up the cats so the husband decided to give up the marriage.
Cleaned Too Much. A German woman divorced her husband after 15 years of marriage. The reason? According to Reuters, it was because she couldn’t stand his constant cleaning. He constantly tidied and rearranged furniture. Sounds pretty tame… except for the time he tore down a wall in their home because he thought it was too dirty.
Kissed a horse. A man divorced his wife after eh found a photo of her on one of her social networks in which she was kissing a horse. He thought it was cheating. She thought it was crazy that he did. According to Emirates 24/7, the woman said she didn’t want to be with a man who thinks kissing a horse constitutes cheating.
Affair – 70 Years Earlier. An Italian couple ended their marriage in 2011 after the 99-year-old husband found love letters from the 1940s that had been written between his 96-year-old wife and her former flame.
Working with a Family Law Attorney
Whatever your reason is for divorce, whether it’s a common one, or a bizarre and uncommon one, you should consider working with a family law attorney. They will be able to advise you on any number of issues, including: child support, spousal support, marital property division, child visitation, etc… A lawyer from the expert law firm of Divorce Law LA will be able to guide you through the divorce process. The Divorce & Family Law Offices of Divorce Law LA will provide you with the highest level of expertise and professionalism from our skilled attorneys. Our Divorce and Family Law Practice spans a wide spectrum of areas that include: divorce, high net-worth divorce, marital property division, child custody and visitation, and child support.
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